Houston, we have multiple problems.

You know something is wrong when:

- You are 23 years old, you DVRed the Oprah finale, and you watched it by yourself, crying and eating red velvet ice cream at 4:00 AM.

- You had a brief fantasy that included a 2-day Jeopardy champion.

- There is more dog poop in the dining room than in the backyard.

- No one realizes that we are in the midst of the longest labor stoppage in NFL history (75 days).

- Upon seeing there is no milk, you put the bowl filled with Raisin Bran into the fridge rather than pouring the cereal back into the box.

- You flirt with the idea of moving to Canada after America voted Scotty McCreery the next American Idol.

- You see less sunlight than most earthworms.

- Kim Kardashian is engaged to Kris Humphries and you aren't.

- You forget what color the carpet is in your room.

- You find yourself wishing you were a pair of Jets QB Mark Sanchez's dress pants.

- You take the time to write a list like this.

Yikes.