Like the rest of America, I vowed to make my over-due return to the gym when the year started. Unlike many in America, however, I have the luxury of going to an incredibly cool gym.
In fact, my tiny town in rural Ohio is home to the world's largest YMCA. I kid you not. At 218,000 square feet, our YMCA has 6 racquetball courts, 2 indoor running tracks, 3 large gyms, an indoor and 7 outdoor soccer fields, a gymnastics center, multiple indoor and outdoor pools, saunas, whirlpools, a cafe, a senior center, an outdoor trail, a rock-climbing wall, 8 tennis courts, a pre-school, a huge cardio and weight room, and much more.
So, if I'm going to put myself through the torture of a trip to the gym, I'm pretty lucky to attend this one.
However, as I was huffing and puffing away on the elliptical machine this week, I started to notice something: No matter what gym you attend, you will always see the same types of people. Although most people blend seamlessly into the fabric of the gym, there are some attendees who are nearly impossible to ignore. Here are those people:
- The absurdly loud weight-lifter. In a desperate attempt to attract the attention of anyone within a 50-foot radius, this guy grunts every single time he lifts any amount of weight - without fail. If he's lifting a particularly heavy amount, he will even scream or shout "WOOO!" upon its successful completion.
- The clueless older woman. Every now and then, a gym newbie over the age of 50 finds herself in the complex cardio center. Although I can sympathize with her (our YMCA can be pretty intimidating and busy), she stumbles around like a lost puppy in her old gym clothes, until she finally finds a machine that she recognizes and feels comfortable operating: the blood pressure machine.
- The extremely active old man/woman. Although they, too, are over 50, this individual is the polar opposite of my previous description. They often dress in spandex, wear sweatbands on their heads, and have expensive water bottles and gym bags. No matter what equipment they are using, you can't help staring at them...because you're convinced they would outrun, outlift, and outlast you in any scenario.
- The socializer. Usually a middle-aged woman, this person bops around from machine to machine, talking to every person they recognize. They carry their cell phone in their hand and rarely exert themselves beyond a leisurely pace on the treadmill or stationary bike. By the time you're leaving the gym, you know all of their kids' names, all the town gossip, and what's for dinner that night.
- The stripper. This goes without explanation. She is scantily-clad, wearing only a sports bra, short shorts, and a full face of makeup that, miraculously, she never sweats off. She is also the prime target for the next category of gym-goer.
- The creep. Although I've seen younger ones, most creeps are older gentlemen, who stake out a claim on whatever exercise equipment is closest to girls jogging on the treadmill. Throughout the course of their workout, they rarely exert themselves and, instead, spend most of their time openly gawking at strangers with no shame whatsoever.
- The meathead. This guy is almost always in his 20s, way too tan for Ohio in the winter, and spends all his time lifting weights while staring at himself in the mirror. You're also convinced he is a recreational user of anabolic steroids and must be on a list of possible replacements for the cast of Jersey Shore.
- The obnoxious peeker. This person, male or female, seems to make every machine a competition. They can always be seen peeking at everyone else's machine, taking a mental note of how many calories they've lost, what resistance level they've chosen, etc. They are the reason why some people use their sweat towel to cover the read-out on their machine.
- The overzealous athlete. Again, this can be a man or a woman, and they possess one defining characteristic: They are intense. They run at a full-out sprint for three hours straight. Then, they get on the stair-stepper until you're convinced they've scaled the Eiffel Tower...18 times. You've never been there when they weren't and you're starting to wonder if maybe they sleep on a cot in the locker room.
- The hot guy. This guy splits his gym time evenly between cardio and weights, keeping his body in its impressive, toned condition. You often find yourself staring at him as motivation to continue your workout. However, if you run across him unexpectedly at the height of your exertion, you're absolutely humiliated by the redness of your face and pretend to be breathing at a normal, even pace. My "hot guy" is a tall, attractive guy with reddish hair and subtle muscles built from years of use. Sometimes, the hope of seeing him is the only motivation I have for going...
...okay, so maybe I'm a creep, too.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Wee!
I haven't done a fun questionnaire post in ages and my wonderful friend Emma at Legally Lovely tagged me in one!
Here are the rules: You give five random facts about yourself. You answer the questions provided to you. You come up with different questions. Then, you tag five people to do it, too.
Five Facts About Me.
1. I was a Spanish major in college and now I absolutely hate the language.
2. The only foods I would never give up are bread, ice cream, and cereal.
3. I always sleep on my stomach.
4. I have a massive crush on a random guy at the gym. I stare at him throughout every workout.
5. I hate artificial orange taste, but love artificial grape taste.
Emma's Questions for Me.
1. Are you a Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda, or Carrie?
Honestly, I am not a single one of them. If I had to choose, I think I'd go with Carrie, but only because she's a writer...and Mr. Big would be a nice perk.
2. If you could go on a date with ONE Hollywood hunk, who would it be?
Hollywood implies that he has to be an actor, so I'm definitely going with Jason Segel. I'm completely baffled that we aren't married already. I think he would be such a fun, good boyfriend. *sigh*
3. A plane just landed in front of your house. Where are you going on an impromptu vacay?
The easier question to answer would be, "Where wouldn't I go?" However, I think I'd choose Greece first. I've always wanted to go there.
4. If you were on The Bachelorette, what over-the-top date would you plan?
Confession: I've never seen The Bachelorette. Not once. I'm assuming they do totally ridiculous things like connected bungee jumping followed by swimming naked in a chocolate fountain. So, how about a private Dave Matthews Band concert at a laser tag place?
5. If you could switch bodies with one person for a day, who would it be?
Ugh. Obviously a Victoria's Secret model. I would hunt down one of my many celeb crushes and charm the pants off of them. Literally.
6. What is your favorite book?
The entire Harry Potter series. I also love anything by Chuck Palahniuk, especially Choke.
7. What is your absolute dream job?
Sports writer for the Pittsburgh Penguins or Cincinnati Bengals.
8. What are three words that you would use to describe yourself at 8am?
Going to sleep.
9. You're lost in the Amazon for a day. Who do you want with you, and what one item do you have?
Tough one. Just one day? My best friend and my camera.
10. Would you rather hitch a ride on the space shuttle, or get a brand new car of your choosing?
New car. Black Range Rover. Yes, please.
11. What is your idea of a perfect Friday night?
Go to a hockey or football game, then out to bars for dancing. There would also be a late night food run, of course.
12. What is one embarrassing fact about yourself that you would normally never blog about, but now you have to?
At age 15, I fell down a flight of icy stairs and peed my pants...in a snowsuit.
Five People to Do This.
Emma at Legally Lovely - Is this valid? I want your answers.
Julie at The Smitten Mintons
Meagan at The Secret of Patience
Leanna at OMG I'm Back in DC
Abby at A Picture A Day
Your Questions.
1. Which Disney princess is most like you?
2. What song do you have on repeat right now?
3. Who was your first crush?
4. Where do you see yourself in five years? Be honest.
5. Would you rather lose your vision or your hearing? Why?
6. What scares you the most?
7. When was the last time you cried?
8. What three physical attributes do you find most attractive in a guy?
9. If you had unlimited money, which store would you visit first?
10. What is your guiltiest pleasure?
11. If you could wake up tomorrow with a new talent, which would you choose?
12. If you could have any exotic animal as a pet, which would you choose?
Do it.
Here are the rules: You give five random facts about yourself. You answer the questions provided to you. You come up with different questions. Then, you tag five people to do it, too.
Five Facts About Me.
1. I was a Spanish major in college and now I absolutely hate the language.
2. The only foods I would never give up are bread, ice cream, and cereal.
3. I always sleep on my stomach.
4. I have a massive crush on a random guy at the gym. I stare at him throughout every workout.
5. I hate artificial orange taste, but love artificial grape taste.
Emma's Questions for Me.
1. Are you a Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda, or Carrie?
Honestly, I am not a single one of them. If I had to choose, I think I'd go with Carrie, but only because she's a writer...and Mr. Big would be a nice perk.
2. If you could go on a date with ONE Hollywood hunk, who would it be?
Hollywood implies that he has to be an actor, so I'm definitely going with Jason Segel. I'm completely baffled that we aren't married already. I think he would be such a fun, good boyfriend. *sigh*
3. A plane just landed in front of your house. Where are you going on an impromptu vacay?
The easier question to answer would be, "Where wouldn't I go?" However, I think I'd choose Greece first. I've always wanted to go there.
4. If you were on The Bachelorette, what over-the-top date would you plan?
Confession: I've never seen The Bachelorette. Not once. I'm assuming they do totally ridiculous things like connected bungee jumping followed by swimming naked in a chocolate fountain. So, how about a private Dave Matthews Band concert at a laser tag place?
5. If you could switch bodies with one person for a day, who would it be?
Ugh. Obviously a Victoria's Secret model. I would hunt down one of my many celeb crushes and charm the pants off of them. Literally.
6. What is your favorite book?
The entire Harry Potter series. I also love anything by Chuck Palahniuk, especially Choke.
7. What is your absolute dream job?
Sports writer for the Pittsburgh Penguins or Cincinnati Bengals.
8. What are three words that you would use to describe yourself at 8am?
Going to sleep.
9. You're lost in the Amazon for a day. Who do you want with you, and what one item do you have?
Tough one. Just one day? My best friend and my camera.
10. Would you rather hitch a ride on the space shuttle, or get a brand new car of your choosing?
New car. Black Range Rover. Yes, please.
11. What is your idea of a perfect Friday night?
Go to a hockey or football game, then out to bars for dancing. There would also be a late night food run, of course.
12. What is one embarrassing fact about yourself that you would normally never blog about, but now you have to?
At age 15, I fell down a flight of icy stairs and peed my pants...in a snowsuit.
Five People to Do This.
Emma at Legally Lovely - Is this valid? I want your answers.
Julie at The Smitten Mintons
Meagan at The Secret of Patience
Leanna at OMG I'm Back in DC
Abby at A Picture A Day
Your Questions.
1. Which Disney princess is most like you?
2. What song do you have on repeat right now?
3. Who was your first crush?
4. Where do you see yourself in five years? Be honest.
5. Would you rather lose your vision or your hearing? Why?
6. What scares you the most?
7. When was the last time you cried?
8. What three physical attributes do you find most attractive in a guy?
9. If you had unlimited money, which store would you visit first?
10. What is your guiltiest pleasure?
11. If you could wake up tomorrow with a new talent, which would you choose?
12. If you could have any exotic animal as a pet, which would you choose?
Do it.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
The Glee-cap!
I thought I had resigned myself to no more Glee-caps. Then, I saw this week's episode.
For me, this was the best episode of the season. For the first time in a long time, I can find far more positives than negatives. So, here they are:
+ Glee finally does Grease. It is about time. Perfect execution of "Summer Nights."
+ Sam and Mercedes are so cute. Please let this happen for real, Ryan Murphy.
+ Speaking of Sam, when did he get smoking hot? I usually don't like blondes and I never liked Chord Overstreet, but whoa. Did you see him in the synchronized swimming scene?
+ Helen Mirren is the internal voice of Becky Jackson? Amazing.
- My heart absolutely broke for Becky when Artie turned her away. I was glad that Artie didn't turn her down for the date, but ugh. Please let her find someone.
+ On the upside, her relationship with Sue melts my soul. As usual.
- For the first time, Rachel is starting to annoy me. A little. I'm just getting sick of the fake tears. Enough already. Also, how do you not just straddle Finn and scream, "YES!" when he proposes to you?
- Although I'm the world's biggest fan of Finnchel, I was a little off-put by the proposal. He changed his mind from enlisting to proposing in 10 minutes. He even found a way to make his proposal sound like, "You're leaving. I'm a loser. Take me with you." Not good.
+ I liked the gravity in the situation with Finn's dad. It came out of absolutely nowhere, but it was nice to add a new dimension to Finn. He hasn't really had any emotional plotlines in a while.
+ As much as I dislike Mr. Schuster, I'm so glad he finally proposed to Emma. Precious. Also, Sue even helped out in the proposal? Amazing.
- However, if a guy proposes to me by walking on water, I'll tell him to get over himself before walking away. Also, Sam's only reason to join the synchronized swim team was to have a convenient excuse to shoot a musical number in the water. Right? Come on, writers. You're better than this.
- Did anyone else notice Artie roll himself into the pool? I'm assuming Finn swam to his instant rescue, but that can't be good for the wheelchair.
+ Also, can I please buy the bathing suit that the girls had on in the proposal scene? They were SO cute.
- Nowhere near enough Blaine Anderson.
+ When Rachel sang "Without You" to Finn, I started crying. Real tears. Because I want to feel that way about someone and have them reciprocate the feeling.
- This isn't new, but Mr. Schue's relationship with his students is totally inappropriate. What kind of choir teacher goes ring shopping with a student and then asks him to be his best man?
+ "Moves like Jagger/Jumpin' Jack Flash" mashup. LOVE.
All in all, I loved this episode. Compared to the rest of the season, it looked like a masterpiece. I loved the music and the movement in the relationships. Sometimes, it's difficult for me to overlook the forced and/or forgotten plot lines, the massive amount of cheesiness, and the unrealistic twists in character. Sometimes, I find myself comparing the show to its incredible first season and I get so disappointed. But, you know what?
No matter how ridiculous it gets, it's still nice to sit down for an hour every week and sing along with something that makes me happy.
...and it doesn't hurt that I can stare at him.
For me, this was the best episode of the season. For the first time in a long time, I can find far more positives than negatives. So, here they are:
+ Glee finally does Grease. It is about time. Perfect execution of "Summer Nights."
+ Sam and Mercedes are so cute. Please let this happen for real, Ryan Murphy.
+ Speaking of Sam, when did he get smoking hot? I usually don't like blondes and I never liked Chord Overstreet, but whoa. Did you see him in the synchronized swimming scene?
+ Helen Mirren is the internal voice of Becky Jackson? Amazing.
- My heart absolutely broke for Becky when Artie turned her away. I was glad that Artie didn't turn her down for the date, but ugh. Please let her find someone.
+ On the upside, her relationship with Sue melts my soul. As usual.
- For the first time, Rachel is starting to annoy me. A little. I'm just getting sick of the fake tears. Enough already. Also, how do you not just straddle Finn and scream, "YES!" when he proposes to you?
- Although I'm the world's biggest fan of Finnchel, I was a little off-put by the proposal. He changed his mind from enlisting to proposing in 10 minutes. He even found a way to make his proposal sound like, "You're leaving. I'm a loser. Take me with you." Not good.
+ I liked the gravity in the situation with Finn's dad. It came out of absolutely nowhere, but it was nice to add a new dimension to Finn. He hasn't really had any emotional plotlines in a while.
+ As much as I dislike Mr. Schuster, I'm so glad he finally proposed to Emma. Precious. Also, Sue even helped out in the proposal? Amazing.
- However, if a guy proposes to me by walking on water, I'll tell him to get over himself before walking away. Also, Sam's only reason to join the synchronized swim team was to have a convenient excuse to shoot a musical number in the water. Right? Come on, writers. You're better than this.
- Did anyone else notice Artie roll himself into the pool? I'm assuming Finn swam to his instant rescue, but that can't be good for the wheelchair.
+ Also, can I please buy the bathing suit that the girls had on in the proposal scene? They were SO cute.
- Nowhere near enough Blaine Anderson.
+ When Rachel sang "Without You" to Finn, I started crying. Real tears. Because I want to feel that way about someone and have them reciprocate the feeling.
- This isn't new, but Mr. Schue's relationship with his students is totally inappropriate. What kind of choir teacher goes ring shopping with a student and then asks him to be his best man?
+ "Moves like Jagger/Jumpin' Jack Flash" mashup. LOVE.
All in all, I loved this episode. Compared to the rest of the season, it looked like a masterpiece. I loved the music and the movement in the relationships. Sometimes, it's difficult for me to overlook the forced and/or forgotten plot lines, the massive amount of cheesiness, and the unrealistic twists in character. Sometimes, I find myself comparing the show to its incredible first season and I get so disappointed. But, you know what?
No matter how ridiculous it gets, it's still nice to sit down for an hour every week and sing along with something that makes me happy.
...and it doesn't hurt that I can stare at him.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Man Meat Monday #36
I'll be honest. I want to brag about Evgeni Malkin for Man Meat Monday. He had a natural hat trick in the Pens' 6-3 win over the Tampa Bay Lightning today. I want to fangirl, post pictures of him shirtless, and hypothesize on his lovemaking methods.
But, I also love my readers. So, I'll do something a little different this week.
The Golden Globes were tonight. Here were my main thoughts: I love Ricky Gervais (although he was a bit too tame for my taste this year). I need to see some of these movies before the Oscars, especially The Artist. Angelina Jolie could stand to eat a sandwich (or 700). Cut your hair, Gerard Butler. Meryl Streep was drunk. Why can't I be Kate Winslet? The relationship between George Clooney and Brad Pitt melts my soul. Madonna can (and probably will) kick my ass. Where was Ryan Gosling? Why can't I be Tina Fey?
So, ladies and gentlemen, I will provide you with a full deli this week. Which celebrity stole your heart on the red carpet?
Adam Levine, Mark Wahlberg, Joseph Gordon Levitt? Ewan McGregor, Clive Owen, Bradley Cooper? Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, Michael Fassbender? Colin Firth, Channing Tatum, George Clooney? Hard choice, I know.
Of course, George Clooney gets me. If he's too obvious of a choice, I'd go with Colin Firth or Adam Levine. They're all attractive...
...but man. I'd drink Evgeni Malkin's bathwater.
But, I also love my readers. So, I'll do something a little different this week.
The Golden Globes were tonight. Here were my main thoughts: I love Ricky Gervais (although he was a bit too tame for my taste this year). I need to see some of these movies before the Oscars, especially The Artist. Angelina Jolie could stand to eat a sandwich (or 700). Cut your hair, Gerard Butler. Meryl Streep was drunk. Why can't I be Kate Winslet? The relationship between George Clooney and Brad Pitt melts my soul. Madonna can (and probably will) kick my ass. Where was Ryan Gosling? Why can't I be Tina Fey?
So, ladies and gentlemen, I will provide you with a full deli this week. Which celebrity stole your heart on the red carpet?
Adam Levine, Mark Wahlberg, Joseph Gordon Levitt? Ewan McGregor, Clive Owen, Bradley Cooper? Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, Michael Fassbender? Colin Firth, Channing Tatum, George Clooney? Hard choice, I know.
Of course, George Clooney gets me. If he's too obvious of a choice, I'd go with Colin Firth or Adam Levine. They're all attractive...
...but man. I'd drink Evgeni Malkin's bathwater.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Penguins Recap. I know you care.
The last two months have been complete chaos in the world of the Pittsburgh Penguins.
I know most of you don't care, but it's been monopolizing my thoughts (as usual). So, here is a brief summary of what's been going on with my favorite team:
- After an impressive start to the season without him, the Penguins were eager to finally have Sidney Crosby back in the lineup on November 21. His glorious return resulted in a 5-0 trouncing of the Islanders and Crosby himself earned two goals and two assists.
- The team continued to prove why they had been chosen by many as early Cup favorites. However, after only eight games and an impressive 12 points, Sid's concussion symptoms returned. He hasn't played since, but did skate for the first time yesterday.
- To say that injuries have haunted this team would be a severe understatement. The Penguins are currently leading the NHL with the most man games lost to injury or illness. Between concussions, upper- and lower-body injuries, and suspensions, this team has been decimated for a couple months now. Particularly detrimental to the team has been the loss of defenseman Kris Letang after he suffered a concussion and a broken nose shortly before scoring the game-winning OT goal against the Montreal Canadiens.
Half of them are out. Ouch.
- Plagued by injuries, the Pens have struggled (big time) against the top teams in the league. Slowly, they started to creep down the standings as the number in the loss column grew. With more players suffering injuries, numerous players being called up from the AHL, and no word on Crosby or Letang, things have started to look pretty bleak. With a loss to the Washington Capitals on Wednesday, the Pens fell to 9th place in the Eastern Conference and out of the playoff picture for the first time this season.
- Then, yet another tragedy struck. Jordan Staal collided with former teammate Mike Rupp and suffered a knee injury that will keep him out of the lineup for 4-6 weeks.
- The Pens lost four straight games at home during a six-game losing streak that they finally snapped last night against Florida.
- During the losing streak, Pens' fans lost their minds. No other explanation for the in-fighting between fans. Some suggested that coach Dan Bylsma be fired. Others questioned Crosby's dedication to the team, called him "weak," and started rumors of his retirement. Then, a troubling article caused the fanbase to collectively vomit. According to the article, some of the Penguins themselves questioned Sidney Crosby's injury and held a meeting to decide on a temporary replacement captain. Mutiny in the locker room wreaked havoc on the fans.
- Yesterday, however, my team proved the media wrong. Every member of the team showed up to the morning skate with a 'C' on his jersey (Geno had a 'K' for the Russian word for 'captain') and explained in post-practice interviews that absolutely no one would take Sid's place as team captain. Not only did this poke fun at the media, but it showed the team's cohesive support for Sid...and, like I said, Sid finally skated on his own. Maybe, just maybe, things are finally looking up.
- The rosters for the NHL All-Star game were announced on Thursday and only one Penguin made the cut. My beloved GENO, with his team-leading 46 points (18 goals and 28 assists), will join the league's best in Ottawa at the end of the month. Although I'm extremely happy for Geno, I'm pretty salty that James Neal and Marc-Andre Fleury were snubbed. Horrible oversight.
...and since there was nowhere near enough Geno in this recap, here is a fight between two former slices of Man Meat, Malkin and Rick Nash.
You know how guys always seem to love girl-on-girl stuff? Evgeni Malkin fighting Rick Nash is my own personal girl-on-girl action.
Fasten your seatbelts, friends. The season is only halfway over.
I know most of you don't care, but it's been monopolizing my thoughts (as usual). So, here is a brief summary of what's been going on with my favorite team:
- After an impressive start to the season without him, the Penguins were eager to finally have Sidney Crosby back in the lineup on November 21. His glorious return resulted in a 5-0 trouncing of the Islanders and Crosby himself earned two goals and two assists.
- The team continued to prove why they had been chosen by many as early Cup favorites. However, after only eight games and an impressive 12 points, Sid's concussion symptoms returned. He hasn't played since, but did skate for the first time yesterday.
- To say that injuries have haunted this team would be a severe understatement. The Penguins are currently leading the NHL with the most man games lost to injury or illness. Between concussions, upper- and lower-body injuries, and suspensions, this team has been decimated for a couple months now. Particularly detrimental to the team has been the loss of defenseman Kris Letang after he suffered a concussion and a broken nose shortly before scoring the game-winning OT goal against the Montreal Canadiens.
Half of them are out. Ouch.
- Plagued by injuries, the Pens have struggled (big time) against the top teams in the league. Slowly, they started to creep down the standings as the number in the loss column grew. With more players suffering injuries, numerous players being called up from the AHL, and no word on Crosby or Letang, things have started to look pretty bleak. With a loss to the Washington Capitals on Wednesday, the Pens fell to 9th place in the Eastern Conference and out of the playoff picture for the first time this season.
- Then, yet another tragedy struck. Jordan Staal collided with former teammate Mike Rupp and suffered a knee injury that will keep him out of the lineup for 4-6 weeks.
- The Pens lost four straight games at home during a six-game losing streak that they finally snapped last night against Florida.
- During the losing streak, Pens' fans lost their minds. No other explanation for the in-fighting between fans. Some suggested that coach Dan Bylsma be fired. Others questioned Crosby's dedication to the team, called him "weak," and started rumors of his retirement. Then, a troubling article caused the fanbase to collectively vomit. According to the article, some of the Penguins themselves questioned Sidney Crosby's injury and held a meeting to decide on a temporary replacement captain. Mutiny in the locker room wreaked havoc on the fans.
- Yesterday, however, my team proved the media wrong. Every member of the team showed up to the morning skate with a 'C' on his jersey (Geno had a 'K' for the Russian word for 'captain') and explained in post-practice interviews that absolutely no one would take Sid's place as team captain. Not only did this poke fun at the media, but it showed the team's cohesive support for Sid...and, like I said, Sid finally skated on his own. Maybe, just maybe, things are finally looking up.
- The rosters for the NHL All-Star game were announced on Thursday and only one Penguin made the cut. My beloved GENO, with his team-leading 46 points (18 goals and 28 assists), will join the league's best in Ottawa at the end of the month. Although I'm extremely happy for Geno, I'm pretty salty that James Neal and Marc-Andre Fleury were snubbed. Horrible oversight.
...and since there was nowhere near enough Geno in this recap, here is a fight between two former slices of Man Meat, Malkin and Rick Nash.
You know how guys always seem to love girl-on-girl stuff? Evgeni Malkin fighting Rick Nash is my own personal girl-on-girl action.
Fasten your seatbelts, friends. The season is only halfway over.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Man Meat Monday #35
I came to a horrible realization today. I've been starving you. I haven't converted to vegetarianism. I've just been a horrible butcher.
After his terrific performance against the Steelers, I really wanted to Man Meat Tim Tebow, but I've already carved into that juicy hunk of man meat. If you want to hop on board the Tebow love train I've been conducting for a few years now, I will redirect you here and here.
I had full intentions of sharing this guy around Christmastime, but I was too lazy. Finally, I've decided to bring you one of my favorite singers of all-time...
Claim to Fame: Removing girls' pants with nothing but his vocal chords
Birthday: September 9, 1975
The first time I heard Michael Buble sing, I knew I had lost. I threw in my cards and resigned myself to obsession. I've always loved crooners, but Michael Buble took it to a new level entirely.
His voice, obviously reminiscent of decades past, is simultaneously sexy, heartbreaking, cool, and soothing. He also has a certain unexplainable swagger, evident in the confident way he struts around on stage. This modern-day Sinatra serves as our generation's throwback to the jazz club era, constantly performing in a suit and tie. He also has an incredible way of modernizing classics, by making them contemporary and popular. I've been lucky enough to see him live twice and I assure you - it is WELL worth your money. His shows are incredible, his voice is fantastic, he does just as much hilarious stand-up comedy as singing, and let's be honest - the man looks good enough to eat.
He also loves little kids (and ALWAYS comes into the crowd to interact with them), has dual Canadian-Italian citizenship, speaks Italian, and has an accent in his name. You are defenseless to his charm.
Random Tidbit: As a good Canadian boy, he loves hockey. He's a huge Vancouver Canucks fan and, as part of his touring contract, he requires a "local team hockey puck" in his dressing room at every concert venue.
Only downfall?: He's married. He married a beautiful, blonde girl from Argentina last year and I'm still getting over it. I was convinced he had written "I Just Haven't Met You Yet" about me.
This video is a perfect summary of why I love him. Hilarious and creepy at the beginning. Sexy voice and swag throughout. Enjoy...probably in private.
So, readers: It's your turn. What would you do to be Mr. Buble's microphone?
After his terrific performance against the Steelers, I really wanted to Man Meat Tim Tebow, but I've already carved into that juicy hunk of man meat. If you want to hop on board the Tebow love train I've been conducting for a few years now, I will redirect you here and here.
I had full intentions of sharing this guy around Christmastime, but I was too lazy. Finally, I've decided to bring you one of my favorite singers of all-time...
Michael Buble
Claim to Fame: Removing girls' pants with nothing but his vocal chords
Birthday: September 9, 1975
The first time I heard Michael Buble sing, I knew I had lost. I threw in my cards and resigned myself to obsession. I've always loved crooners, but Michael Buble took it to a new level entirely.
His voice, obviously reminiscent of decades past, is simultaneously sexy, heartbreaking, cool, and soothing. He also has a certain unexplainable swagger, evident in the confident way he struts around on stage. This modern-day Sinatra serves as our generation's throwback to the jazz club era, constantly performing in a suit and tie. He also has an incredible way of modernizing classics, by making them contemporary and popular. I've been lucky enough to see him live twice and I assure you - it is WELL worth your money. His shows are incredible, his voice is fantastic, he does just as much hilarious stand-up comedy as singing, and let's be honest - the man looks good enough to eat.
He also loves little kids (and ALWAYS comes into the crowd to interact with them), has dual Canadian-Italian citizenship, speaks Italian, and has an accent in his name. You are defenseless to his charm.
Random Tidbit: As a good Canadian boy, he loves hockey. He's a huge Vancouver Canucks fan and, as part of his touring contract, he requires a "local team hockey puck" in his dressing room at every concert venue.
Only downfall?: He's married. He married a beautiful, blonde girl from Argentina last year and I'm still getting over it. I was convinced he had written "I Just Haven't Met You Yet" about me.
This video is a perfect summary of why I love him. Hilarious and creepy at the beginning. Sexy voice and swag throughout. Enjoy...probably in private.
So, readers: It's your turn. What would you do to be Mr. Buble's microphone?
Friday, January 6, 2012
I've done it.
I love music.
In a way, that's a really stupid statement. Who doesn't love music? I have never come across anyone who doesn't like some kind of music.
Let's be real. Music makes us dance, makes us cry, makes us sing along, or makes us laugh. It improves our day, pumps us up for something, helps us relate, and gets us through work-outs. For some people, music enhances life. For others, music is life.
I love music. Really love it. As a child, I thought I'd be a world-famous singer. I got in trouble for singing all the time. I took piano lessons for a number of years. I played percussion in band. I took choir until college, then refused to try out for a group because I convinced myself I wouldn't make it. I still regret that.
However, the way I love music seems to differ from a lot of people. Most people love music for the lyrics. They analyze lyrics, relate to them, find them clever (especially in the case of rap music). Some people love songs because they believe the artist is describing exactly how they've felt at one point or another.
Don't get me wrong. I do, too. John Mayer has the uncanny ability to read my mind, then put my thoughts into infinitely more eloquent words than I ever could. However, the real reason I love music is the music itself.
When I hear a song for the first time, I don't even hear the words. I hear the layers. I hear the bass, the beat, the melody on top. I hear the harmonies and create my own. I love songs with complexity, catchy beats, melodies that build, and impressive instrumentals. I can sing along with a song, have all the words memorized, and still have no idea what I'm saying when I sing it. In fact, some of my favorite songs aren't even in English or don't have lyrics at all.
So, in my unlimited free time, I came up with what I think are my Top Ten Favorite Songs.
Before I share them with you, please keep the following things in mind:
- My list of favorite songs changes all the time.
- My list of favorite songs is VERY different from my list of current favorite songs. Perhaps I will share that sometime.
- A few of the songs on my list aren't complex at all. I still love them.
- I am positive that I missed a couple that should be on here. Oops.
- These are not in order.
1. "Imagine" by John Lennon - This is probably my favorite song ever written. Incredibly simple music with a hard-hitting, emotional message. John Lennon at his best.
2. "Crash" by Dave Matthews Band - For years, I hated myself for loving my favorite band's most popular song. I wanted to claim an obscure DMB song as my favorite in a pathetic attempt to seem like a "hardcore" fan. Then, I realized something. "Crash" is DMB's most popular song because it's phenomenal. The music, which starts out quiet, soft, and repetitive, is gorgeous and the song slowly, gently builds like a wave into a chill-inducing, tremendous finale. I lose myself to the music every single time I hear it.
3. "Wild Horses" by The Rolling Stones - This song makes me cry. Plain and simple. Completely contradicting myself, the lyrics really resonate with me and when you couple them with that music, I'm sobbing.
4. "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd - In high school, I put this song on repeat to help me sleep. It's simultaneously soothing and sexy. That guitar riff at the end? You don't need to be intoxicated to enjoy that.
5. "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye - Speaking of sexy... Marvin Gaye defined swag. So soulful it hurts. If a guy turned this on and danced with me, I'm his. Forever.
6. "Baba O'Riley (Teenage Wasteland)" by The Who - Another incredible build-up. The first time I heard the piano drop on the electronic intro music was one of the most mind-blowing musical moments of my life.
7. "Because" by The Beatles - Harmonies until I die. Again, the lyrics mystify me, but I don't care. It's haunting and beautiful - with or without the background music.
8. "Con Te Partiro" by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman - Another beautiful song. I can't separate this song from my image of the gorgeous Bellagio fountains. Italian makes for some beautiful sound combinations. Do I even need to mention the talent of Andrea Bocelli? He might be the voice of God himself.
9. "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie - The unmistakable bass line (thanks a lot, Vanilla Ice) paired with the piano and beat? Then, add in the majesty of Freddie Mercury and the creepiness of David Bowie? Classic. I get the chills every single time I hear, "This is our last dance. This is ourselves under pressure," at the end.
10. "Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve - I had a really hard time narrowing this list down to ten songs, but eventually decided this song made the cut. I've always loved music, but this song seemed to find me at the perfect time in my adolescence. Again, it's the layers. The violin on the beat with the melody. So poetic and so true.
So, what is YOUR favorite song? If you can't choose one, I'd love to hear five. ;)
In a way, that's a really stupid statement. Who doesn't love music? I have never come across anyone who doesn't like some kind of music.
Let's be real. Music makes us dance, makes us cry, makes us sing along, or makes us laugh. It improves our day, pumps us up for something, helps us relate, and gets us through work-outs. For some people, music enhances life. For others, music is life.
I love music. Really love it. As a child, I thought I'd be a world-famous singer. I got in trouble for singing all the time. I took piano lessons for a number of years. I played percussion in band. I took choir until college, then refused to try out for a group because I convinced myself I wouldn't make it. I still regret that.
However, the way I love music seems to differ from a lot of people. Most people love music for the lyrics. They analyze lyrics, relate to them, find them clever (especially in the case of rap music). Some people love songs because they believe the artist is describing exactly how they've felt at one point or another.
Don't get me wrong. I do, too. John Mayer has the uncanny ability to read my mind, then put my thoughts into infinitely more eloquent words than I ever could. However, the real reason I love music is the music itself.
When I hear a song for the first time, I don't even hear the words. I hear the layers. I hear the bass, the beat, the melody on top. I hear the harmonies and create my own. I love songs with complexity, catchy beats, melodies that build, and impressive instrumentals. I can sing along with a song, have all the words memorized, and still have no idea what I'm saying when I sing it. In fact, some of my favorite songs aren't even in English or don't have lyrics at all.
So, in my unlimited free time, I came up with what I think are my Top Ten Favorite Songs.
Before I share them with you, please keep the following things in mind:
- My list of favorite songs changes all the time.
- My list of favorite songs is VERY different from my list of current favorite songs. Perhaps I will share that sometime.
- A few of the songs on my list aren't complex at all. I still love them.
- I am positive that I missed a couple that should be on here. Oops.
- These are not in order.
1. "Imagine" by John Lennon - This is probably my favorite song ever written. Incredibly simple music with a hard-hitting, emotional message. John Lennon at his best.
2. "Crash" by Dave Matthews Band - For years, I hated myself for loving my favorite band's most popular song. I wanted to claim an obscure DMB song as my favorite in a pathetic attempt to seem like a "hardcore" fan. Then, I realized something. "Crash" is DMB's most popular song because it's phenomenal. The music, which starts out quiet, soft, and repetitive, is gorgeous and the song slowly, gently builds like a wave into a chill-inducing, tremendous finale. I lose myself to the music every single time I hear it.
3. "Wild Horses" by The Rolling Stones - This song makes me cry. Plain and simple. Completely contradicting myself, the lyrics really resonate with me and when you couple them with that music, I'm sobbing.
4. "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd - In high school, I put this song on repeat to help me sleep. It's simultaneously soothing and sexy. That guitar riff at the end? You don't need to be intoxicated to enjoy that.
5. "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye - Speaking of sexy... Marvin Gaye defined swag. So soulful it hurts. If a guy turned this on and danced with me, I'm his. Forever.
6. "Baba O'Riley (Teenage Wasteland)" by The Who - Another incredible build-up. The first time I heard the piano drop on the electronic intro music was one of the most mind-blowing musical moments of my life.
7. "Because" by The Beatles - Harmonies until I die. Again, the lyrics mystify me, but I don't care. It's haunting and beautiful - with or without the background music.
8. "Con Te Partiro" by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman - Another beautiful song. I can't separate this song from my image of the gorgeous Bellagio fountains. Italian makes for some beautiful sound combinations. Do I even need to mention the talent of Andrea Bocelli? He might be the voice of God himself.
9. "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie - The unmistakable bass line (thanks a lot, Vanilla Ice) paired with the piano and beat? Then, add in the majesty of Freddie Mercury and the creepiness of David Bowie? Classic. I get the chills every single time I hear, "This is our last dance. This is ourselves under pressure," at the end.
10. "Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve - I had a really hard time narrowing this list down to ten songs, but eventually decided this song made the cut. I've always loved music, but this song seemed to find me at the perfect time in my adolescence. Again, it's the layers. The violin on the beat with the melody. So poetic and so true.
So, what is YOUR favorite song? If you can't choose one, I'd love to hear five. ;)
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
New Year's Eve madness.
My New Year's Eve weekend was a complete whirlwind.
Jenn, Mr. Koenig, and I left for Memphis late on Friday night.
We started Saturday early with a pre-game party for the Liberty Bowl. There was a band (that played good classic rock and tons of Elvis), a delicious BBQ buffet, an open bar, and the UC band and cheerleaders came in to pump everyone up.
The game itself was incredible. The weather was perfect (around 65ยบ) and we had front row seats in the end zone. Much to my surprise, tons of UC fans made the trip down to Memphis. UC ended up beating Vanderbilt, 31-24, in a back-and-forth, mostly defensive battle. I also got to try out my new camera.
Oh yeah - KC & the Sunshine Band played at halftime, too.
...and Jenn loves mascots almost as much as she loves Welsh Corgis and glitter.
After the game, we recuperated in the hotel room before heading out to Beale Street. As you'd expect, Beale Street was crowded and insane. We walked up and down the street a few times, people-watched (the crowd was mostly made up of UC and Vanderbilt fans), listened to all kinds of live music, and did the Cupid Shuffle in the street.
We also ate dinner at Dyer's. I make it a point to go everywhere that Adam Richman from Man vs. Food has been, so we braved the line for some pretty delicious deep-fried burgers. Apparently, they've been using the same grease for their burgers since 1912 and lock it in a vault at night to keep it safe. Whatever they do, it works. Bring on the yummy heart attack.
I also took part in another Memphis tradition. Every year, visitors to Beale Street "bury their blues" on New Year's Eve. People write down the things that went wrong for them in the last year on a piece of paper, throw it in a coffin, and Beale Street buries it. So, I wrote a short novel and threw my no good, awful year away. Good riddance.
At midnight, the Hard Rock Cafe dropped a guitar (instead of a ball) and showered the crowd with confetti during a fireworks display. Not bad, Memphis. Not bad.
Since I had no one to kiss at midnight, I kissed the year goodbye. I'm more than ready for what's next...and with the Bengals making the playoffs yesterday, this year already looks more promising.
Jenn, Mr. Koenig, and I left for Memphis late on Friday night.
We started Saturday early with a pre-game party for the Liberty Bowl. There was a band (that played good classic rock and tons of Elvis), a delicious BBQ buffet, an open bar, and the UC band and cheerleaders came in to pump everyone up.
The game itself was incredible. The weather was perfect (around 65ยบ) and we had front row seats in the end zone. Much to my surprise, tons of UC fans made the trip down to Memphis. UC ended up beating Vanderbilt, 31-24, in a back-and-forth, mostly defensive battle. I also got to try out my new camera.
Oh yeah - KC & the Sunshine Band played at halftime, too.
...and Jenn loves mascots almost as much as she loves Welsh Corgis and glitter.
After the game, we recuperated in the hotel room before heading out to Beale Street. As you'd expect, Beale Street was crowded and insane. We walked up and down the street a few times, people-watched (the crowd was mostly made up of UC and Vanderbilt fans), listened to all kinds of live music, and did the Cupid Shuffle in the street.
We also ate dinner at Dyer's. I make it a point to go everywhere that Adam Richman from Man vs. Food has been, so we braved the line for some pretty delicious deep-fried burgers. Apparently, they've been using the same grease for their burgers since 1912 and lock it in a vault at night to keep it safe. Whatever they do, it works. Bring on the yummy heart attack.
I also took part in another Memphis tradition. Every year, visitors to Beale Street "bury their blues" on New Year's Eve. People write down the things that went wrong for them in the last year on a piece of paper, throw it in a coffin, and Beale Street buries it. So, I wrote a short novel and threw my no good, awful year away. Good riddance.
At midnight, the Hard Rock Cafe dropped a guitar (instead of a ball) and showered the crowd with confetti during a fireworks display. Not bad, Memphis. Not bad.
Since I had no one to kiss at midnight, I kissed the year goodbye. I'm more than ready for what's next...and with the Bengals making the playoffs yesterday, this year already looks more promising.
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