Love and Guns!

As per the usual, it's Wednesday morning and I'm already dragging. It's partially because my walk through the snow freezes me on the way to work, but I also think my 'I'll sleep when I die' approach to weekends is finally taking its toll on me.

Last weekend was no exception, of course. After almost two months, I finally went home for some actual food (Dorito chicken casserole! Red velvet cupcakes!) and quality time with my parents. I was also able to see my brother's new apartment and meet his precious little dog, Levi.

He wasn't growling. He had a bad case of cottonmouth.

In an attempt to cross something off my 30 Before 30 list, I made plans to visit the gun range with my brother and mom. LP, the prepared little Marine he is, actually gave us a PowerPoint presentation in his living room before we left, so we would know the stances for shooting and how to load the gun. He's adorable, guys.

After a delicious lunch at Olive Garden, we made our way to Target World and the jitters officially began. My adrenaline was through the roof as we waited in line to sign the waivers, buy targets, and pick up ear protectors. In typical Brittany fashion, my mind instantly jumped to horrific scenarios where someone suffers a psychotic break and starts shooting up the place. I'd like to blame American Sniper for that, but paranoia is just my constant state of mind.

For those who don't know, it's ridiculously easy to go to the gun range. All you need is a photo ID and some cash. You read the laminated list of rules, sign your name on a line, and that's it. You're ready to go. Is that terrifying to anyone else? So, with virtually no training, I was pushed into lane 13 with headphones, some targets, a pistol, and a rifle.

Fortunately, my brother is a consummate pro. He helped me every step of the way and even though I was completely uneasy, he made me feel safe. The guy in the lane next to us was firing an enormous, extremely loud rifle. Despite jumping every time he fired his gun, I actually did pretty well. The pistol was much easier to shoot than the rifle and all of my shots ended up in the abdomen or head of the target. The rifle, which was actually pretty heavy, had quite the recoil and I could feel it in my teeth whenever I fired.

Conveniently posed beneath The Well-Armed Woman poster.

Ultimately, the trip confirmed for me that guns aren't my thing. I don't like them one bit, but I did like the zombie targets and compound bows they offered in the store.

Despite the heavy snowfall the next day, Wheat and I ventured up to Columbus for TJ and Tasha's gorgeous wedding at Dock580. The venue, complete with strings of lights and brick walls, was absolutely stunning. Since they were married in December in Dubai, we watched a short video of the ceremony and as a favor, we received awesome unisex perfume straight from UAE. Tasha, who is truly one of the sweetest people I've ever met, also gave me all of her wedding planning materials to help with my own planning!

I spent most of the night dancing with my absolute best friends from college and there's really nothing better than that. Oh, except for the late-night pizza, chicken wings, and Insomnia Cookies they gave us at the end of the reception. Those two are just the best. We closed the evening at The Big Bang Piano Bar, singing and reminiscing on our spring break trip to New Orleans. Speaking of NOLA, our next reunion might just be in the Big Easy for Ben and Amie's wedding. I'm already counting down the days.

Our trip to Columbus wouldn't be complete without some Cane's chicken, so we made a quick lunch stop the next day before heading home. We also stopped in the Warm Glow Candle Store in Centerville, Indiana, so I could torture myself with thousands of candles, drool over truffles, and buy Girl Scout cookies. They were out of Thin Mints, so I settled with trying some Rah-Rah Raisins instead. I ended the weekend in a suite at Bankers Life Fieldhouse with my dad as we watched the Pacers edge out the Warriors, 104-98. It was probably the best game I've seen in-person all season, despite the fact that this year's probable NBA MVP Steph Curry sat out.

This weekend, I'm heading to Chicago to celebrate Jenn's birthday, so prepare for another late recap next week. Maybe, just maybe I'll be able to spend a whole, uneventful weekend in my own apartment sometime soon. Doubtful...

When words fail you...

I've been trying to find the words for this post for several weeks now. After multiple failed attempts at writing it, I've decided that perhaps the right words don't exist. Maybe it is a feeling that can't quite be explained, but must instead be felt to understand. Nevertheless, I've always relied on the written word to express myself, so bear with me as I try my best with the ones that make their way from my brain to the keyboard.

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my faith. I think this is because I grew up in a family that didn't talk about it much. I had a children's Bible that I rifled through from time to time. For a couple years, my mom met with a Jehovah's Witness in our dining room as I sat in the kitchen, straining my ears with curiosity. My dad taught me the basics of evolution before I knew how to multiply and divide. When it became trendy, I attended a weekly children's church service with a friend and memorized various Bible verses from the New Testament in exchange for prizes.

As I entered high school, I noticed that the kind of people I wanted to be around were all involved with Young Life, a Christian ministry that hosted weekly events for students. I started to attend Club on Monday nights, primarily because my friends went...and so did the guy I liked. Those nights were filled with games, skits, songs, a lesson from the Bible, and Jones soda. Every week, I had a great time and learned a lot about Scripture, but left with more questions than answers. On the drive home, I would often cry, feeling confused and remarkably left out, despite being surrounded by friends.

When I went to college, most of my friends became Young Life leaders. One of my former leaders started a church in a nearby town and I attended a few times alongside my faithful friends. But when everyone was called up for communion, I stayed awkwardly in my seat, glancing around nervously, hoping that no one would notice. Of course, everyone noticed, but I didn't want to pretend to feel something I didn't.

I spent hours doing research on various religions and took classes on it in college. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get my rational mind, which valued things like science and fact, to take the leap of faith required for religion. Despite hours of prayer and countless tears, I felt lost, slightly judged, and singularly alone...until I met Wheat.

Wheat's father is an Episcopalian minister, so I was concerned that my faith (or lack thereof) would be a problem in our relationship. Instead, he embraced everything about me and was happy to answer many of the questions that I was previously too embarrassed to ask. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, he comforted me and prayed around-the-clock for her healing. He held me as I cried and questioned God, listened as I expressed my concerns and reservations, and ultimately carried me through my grieving.

As my mom's chemotherapy began, it became abundantly clear to me that I met Wheat at a remarkably convenient and necessary time in my life. I've always been frustrated with the phrase 'Everything happens for a reason,' but this felt like perfect proof. I couldn't believe that I met my counterpart, the person I most want to spend both the exciting and heartbreaking moments of my journey with, right before the biggest emotional (and physical) challenge of my life.

When my mom was first diagnosed, the oncologist and surgeon used the words 'stage four' with bleak looks on their faces. One of them pulled my dad aside and told him that without chemotherapy and treatment, my mom would have three or four months left to live. She was misdiagnosed with ovarian cancer, then properly diagnosed with colon cancer, causing me to call into question the one thing I had trusted my entire life: science. Suddenly, I was faced with the reality that medicine isn't an exact science. As I continued to research cancer and treatment options, I realized that sometimes, inexplicable things happen.

March 2nd marks one year since we found out my mom had cancer. In that time, she has gone from stage four to no signs of disease. The surgeon who performed her recent colostomy reversal procedure (and also did the initial surgery) used the word 'miraculous' to describe her situation. And although I have the utmost respect for her doctors and I'm endlessly grateful for what they've done, I can't help but feel that something else, something bigger, has been at work here.

I'm not even entirely sure where this leaves me, but I do know it has changed me in a profound way. Despite my inability to see it before, I now realize that some things simply can't be explained with science, facts, and words - the things I've relied on most for my entire life. Before, it seemed like such a cop-out to say that a person simply cannot grasp the magnitude of the universe, the depths of the sea, the workings of the human mind. Selfishly, I always thought I would be able to explain these things to myself, rationalize how it all fits together so perfectly. Over the course of the last year, however, I've started to come to terms with the fact that I'll never comprehend all the hows and whys of the way the world works. Instead, I'm finding peace in the fact that it does.

Though I'm nervous about what this means moving forward, I find comfort in the fact that I feel more at peace spiritually than I ever have. The inner turmoil, the painful battle I've waged within myself over the years has quieted...and I think I finally understand what it means to have faith.

Via

Happy Thoughts Thursday

I've been unbelievably bad about my happy thoughts lately, but that's not because I'm unhappy. In fact, the last couple months have been the happiest I've been in a while. With the great news about my mom, our engagement, and all-around awesome family and friends, my list of reasons to complain continues to shrink. Hooray!

+ Trippin' Billies. A few weeks ago, Wheat and I saw Trippin' Billies, a DMB cover band from Chicago, perform at The Vogue in Broad Ripple. It was the perfect excuse to finally check out the venue and there was no cover. I was pleasantly surprised by the band, which sounded eerily similar to the real thing, and the singer did an admirable Dave impression. Much to my surprise, they did a lot of my favorites, including "Crash," "Crush," "Lie in Our Graves," and "#41." I had an excellent time singing and dancing along with them, while closing my eyes and pretending it was the real thing.

+ SNL 40. Saturday Night Live has been a staple in my life since before I can remember, so when I heard about the 40th anniversary show/reunion, I was simultaneously beyond excited and incredibly nervous. Fortunately, the three-and-a-half-hour-long episode was worth every second. Was it perfect? Absolutely not (see: Eddie Murphy, The Californians). But it was live and somehow encapsulated exactly what I've loved about the show over the years (see: Will Ferrell, Celebrity Jeopardy, Weekend Update, Digital Shorts). It was equal parts sentimental and hilarious, touching on 9/11, the deaths of former cast members (RIP Jon Lovitz), and NYC itself. It was kind of depressing to see the passage of time on the faces of some of SNL's best (see: Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd), but can we all agree that Bill Murray is still the undisputed king of comedy?

+ Colored Shadows. Please allow my true nerdiness to shine through as I explain this. On Valentine's Day, Wheat and I picked up a cute candy bouquet to give to his grandparents. As we were walking out to the car, I looked down and spotted, right next to my black shadow, red spots created by the sun shining through the cellophane paper. I realize this was not a shadow, but that didn't stop me from unleashing a childish scream that startled several onlookers and taking copious amounts of pictures as Wheat patiently waited in the car.

+ The Bachelor. Guys, I'm completely embarrassed to admit that despite my ardent resistance, Wheat finally got me to not only watch, but also enjoy a season of The Bachelor. It's basically everything I hate about our culture and I'm still really hooked. Maybe it's time to seek help? My quick thoughts: Chris is probably the least charismatic leading man I could ever imagine. Girls are crazy - certifiably insane - when it comes to relationships. And finally, no one truly wants to move to Iowa of their own free will. Trust me on that.

+ Chipotle/Movie Date Night. This is a constant happy thought. Let's be real. Guacamole, I want to be inside your heaven. And oh yeah, there was extra sour cream on that bad boy.

+ "Earned It" by The Weeknd. Because I'm a sucker for the slow jams.

 

Who is your favorite all-time SNL cast member?
Who do you think will be The Bachelorette?
What is making YOU happy this week?

Feeling like a Memphian

...and just as I felt myself falling in love with Indianapolis all over again, Wheat and I packed our bags and drove to Memphis for Valentine's weekend. It's okay - absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? In this unique case, not so much. We traded 60º weather on Saturday for a low of 0º and a couple inches of snow today.

For those wondering, our trip to Memphis was lovely. Since none of the Pacers made the All-Star team this season, Wheat had a couple extra days off and wanted to visit his charming, ultra-Southern grandparents. They spoiled us all weekend with Valentine's treats, home-cooked meals, board games from the 1940s, and meaningful conversation. On Friday, we were treated to a delicious barbeque dinner at Corky's, complete with onion loaf, fresh rolls, and baked beans. We spent quality time with his aunt, uncle, and youngest cousin, as I unsuccessfully kept myself from gushing about our recent engagement. Oops.

On Saturday, we embraced the heat wave and ventured to the Memphis Zoo with his cousin, J.J. I was completely surprised by the outstanding quality of the zoo. The animals also seemed to be taking advantage of the weather and were really active. Here were my personal highlights:

- They have so many more cats than the Indianapolis Zoo! They even had a white tiger and a precious red panda in their Cat Country exhibit.
- I saw a capybara and laughed for at least five minutes. I really love those things.
- They have impressive Northwest Passage and Teton Trek sections, complete with grizzly and polar bears, bald eagles, sea lions, elk, and timber wolves. Watching the two grizzlies play and run around their massive enclosure was easily one of the coolest things I saw.

- The bonobos were so much fun to watch and two of them were playing with and/or carrying babies!
- After covering itself in mud to cool down, one of the elephants came right up to the gate and I was amazed at its sheer size.
- My favorite exhibit was the China section, which included two pandas! One of them was munching away on bamboo while the other lazily stretched out and slept in the sun. I melted.

As we left the zoo, I made the mistake of pointing out a precious, chubby panda stuffed animal in the gift store window. Instantly, Wheat sprang to dreamy boyfriend action and bought the little guy for me. Blog friends, meet Buddha.

On our way home, highway signs tempted us to stop briefly in Casey, Illinois to see the world's largest wind chime. I'm a total sucker for roadside oddities, so I was thrilled to ring the massive chimes myself. Casey is also home to a few other world record-sized objects - the largest golf tee and the largest knitting needles and crochet hook - and will soon add the largest rocking chair to its collection. Mark my words: We will stop by again on our next trip to Memphis.

The best part of my weekend, however, was seeing Wheat interact with his grandparents. He's so gentle and kind-hearted by nature, but to see the obvious love and connection he shares with them just proves that I truly found the sweetest guy on the planet. He was so gentlemanly, respectful, and loving that I guarantee I was swooning just as hard as anyone that saw 50 Shades of Grey this weekend. Oh, and it didn't hurt to see some of his precious baby pictures, either.

I'll be back once my ovaries recover.

Indianapolis is making moves on me.

You know the feeling you get when your wanderlust finally sends you careening over the edge of sanity and you suddenly feel so cooped up and tired of being where you are? I've been feeling that exact feeling in full force until the weather decided to uncharacteristically imitate mid-April this past weekend. Then, while showing Wheat's friend from high school around town, I fell head over heels in love with Indianapolis again.

It was some magical combination of cajun food from Yats, a quick jaunt around the Indianapolis Museum of Art, and a stroll along the thawing canal that made my heart yearn for spring in the Hoosier state. Seriously, there is no better time to visit. Hint, hint.

Of course, it didn't hurt that we continued the night with dinner at Bru Burger, my favorite restaurant in Indy. We finished that off with frozen yogurt from Pearings, some arcade game dancing, and a late-night showing of American Sniper. As you can see, we've become quite proficient at living here.

Over the last few weeks, I've been unnecessarily overwhelmed with plans and trips, so I'm making a conscious effort to truly appreciate where I am (and who I'm with) in every moment. I must say - it has already improved my mood immensely. Give it a try. It's refreshing to feel like an admiring visitor in your own town.

Odds and Ends

I'm not entirely sure how this happened, but suddenly, I turned around and the Patriots won the Super Bowl, Punxsutawney Phil spotted his shadow (what a little jerk), and Wheat and I have been engaged for over a month. Are you curious how much wedding planning has gone down since I told you about my dress? Probably not, but the answer is exactly none.

This is mostly because we haven't been to Ohio in ages...and don't have any immediate plans to go back, either. My mom had surgery, we had visitors and travel plans, and frankly, I don't have the energy. It's strange to feel such pressure to make hundreds of decisions about the intricate details of one day. It will be a very special day for us, of course, and I can't wait to marry Wheat, but it's still just one day. I already have the guy and the more I drown in the details of our wedding, the more I'm reassured that he's the only thing that matters.

I feel no sense of urgency, no stress, and no desire to plan it - which, I should add, is totally unlike me. We already live together, so with the exception of a slightly heavier left hand, nothing has changed. I was just as sure I wanted to marry him a year ago. So, we're taking our time, enjoying this temporary period of calling each other 'fiance' and 'fiancee' and laughing hysterically at The Bachelor.

Last weekend, we embraced the Devour Downtown deals and had dinner at High Velocity, the sports bar in the lobby of the JW Marriott. The food was great, but the real point of telling you this is to show you the s'mores brownie we had for dessert. I'm not worthy.

On Saturday, Jenn, Paul, and Mattie came to town for the night. We had a delicious dinner at B's Po Boy in Fountain Square, watched the Pacers lose to the Sacramento Kings, and crushed some chicken nachos at Scotty's.

The next morning afternoon, Jenn and I picked up some doughnuts from Long's before they headed back to Cincinnati. We used the rest of the afternoon to prepare for our little Super Bowl gathering. The food was good, the company was great, the game was exciting, the halftime show and commercials were entertaining, and the dessert was banging. What more can you ask for? Oh, that's right. Adorable Bingo cards made by one of my favorite blog friends, Erin at Love, Fun, and Football.

Now, we have to wait until August for gridiron action. In the meantime, I'll be mentally preparing myself for the 2016 Super Bowl, where reigning MVP Aaron Rodgers and his highly touted Green Bay Packers will face the underdogs of the AFC, the Cincinnati Bengals.

...just let me have this, guys.