It’s Halloween and I’ve got an appropriate slice of Man Meat for you. Pun intended – he really might be man meat soon.
I’ve been drooling over this week’s honoree like that one snack-size Snickers bar you get while Trick-or-Treating. Seriously though, why did everyone hand out those nameless, disgusting orange and black candies? Even fifty of those things don’t provide enough leverage for a good candy trade.
Spoiler Alert: If you haven’t seen the most recent episode of The Walking Dead and you don’t want me to ruin it for you, stop reading now. You can still enjoy the pictures.
Jon Bernthal
Claim to Fame: Actor (The Walking Dead, The Pacific)
Birthday: September 20, 1976
Holy hell. Within four days, I’ve seen every episode of The Walking Dead and I’m totally obsessed. The show itself is awesome. It’s creepy, it’s equal parts thriller and character drama, and it satisfies my interest in the human condition by exploring important themes, like morality, religion, and relationships. Then, on a completely shallow level, it gives me Shane Walsh.
Shane Walsh is portrayed by the talented Jon Bernthal. In complete honesty, he is an acquired taste. At first glance, I wasn’t remotely attracted to him. However, as the episodes progressed, his acting became more impressive and his character more complex. Then, he took off his shirt. Brittany – 0. Bernthal – 1.
Internet research tells me that Jon Bernthal is from Washington, DC, he went to Skidmore College, then studied at the School of Moscow Art Theater. While in Moscow, he played professional baseball in the European Professional Baseball Federation. As if the idea of Mr. Bernthal as a professional athlete isn’t attractive enough, he was then invited by the director of Harvard’s Institute for Advanced Theater Training to get his Master’s in Fine Arts at the American Repertory Theater. So, he did.
Random Tidbit: He is married to the niece of professional wrestler Kurt Angle.
Only downfall?: *see previous statement*
Now, after this week’s episode, I’m sure most fans of the show hate Shane for killing Otis. I, on the other hand, found it attractive that he was willing to do whatever was necessary to save Carl. Plus, there is something beyond sexy about watching him completely unhinged, shirtless, and shaving his head.
My body is ready.
So, readers: It’s your turn. Would you really mind the zombie apocalypse all that much if Jon Bernthal was by your side?
I think I’d be oddly okay with it.
In fact, I thought of the perfect pick-up line for Mr. Bernthal. “You, sir, might just be a visual zombie. Every time I see you, I die. Then, I come back with a ravenous desire to put you in my mouth.”
In the spirit of Halloween, I've decided to do a creepy countdown today. I love, really love, scary movies. Unfortunately, I've seen so many that it takes something truly terrifying to scare me. However, I have a lot of favorites, so after a lot of thought, here are my...
Top 10 Favorite Scary Movies
10. Signs - I will admit it. Aliens scare me. Combine the prospect of hostile aliens with M. Night Shyamalan and you get the scariest alien movie I've ever seen (and I'm afraid of ET).
9. The Strangers - Nothing scares me more than the idea of completely delusional people with no absolutely no remorse. This movie scares me because, unlike aliens, witches, vampires, zombies, monsters, ghosts, and religious possession, it could happen...to anyone.
8. The Blair Witch Project - Although it has been parodied beyond belief, the concept for this movie was incredible. Everything about it was gritty and authentic and the marketing and production made it seem incredibly real. The final scene in the basement when Heather finds Mike facing the wall then drops her camera is easily one of the creepiest things I have ever seen.
7. Saw - I can't not include this franchise on my list. Although I haven't seen the last two Saw movies, it became a Halloween staple/tradition for me for a number of years. Making a game or riddle of something so horrific is disturbingly intriguing.
6. Psycho - A total classic. Somehow, Hitchcock created a masterpiece that is both terrifying and sexy. Its iconic scenes simultaneously play into the audience's deepest desires and fears. I've always been somewhat attracted to Norman Bates. I blame Vince Vaughn.
5. The Ring - The Ring was honestly the first supernatural movie that ever really scared me. It also started a furious rash of Japanese horror movie remakes that included The Grudge and The Eye.
4. The Exorcist - The classic possession/exorcism movie. It set the stage for other creepy exorcism movies, but nothing quite compares to a possessed Regan coming down the stairs in the crabwalk position.
3. Paranormal Activity - I will never forget how I felt leaving the theater after seeing the first movie. None of us talked the entire way home.
2. Scream - I credit this movie for my love of horror films. It is, without a doubt, Wes Craven's best work. From start to finish, it completely redefined the modern slasher movie, brought the genre back to the forefront, and, for possibly the first time, mixed horror with humor. To this day, I have not seen a better opening scene in any movie.
1. Halloween - Although it's not that scary, it established the ground rules for the classic slasher flick, paved the way for other such movies and franchises, created one of Hollywood's most famous villains in Michael Myers, and gave haunted houses everywhere a pretty creepy theme song.
Honorable Mentions: Pet Sematary, Jaws, The Shining, Insidious, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Amityville Horror
Did I miss any good scary movies? What scares YOU the most?
I apologize for being a little MIA lately, but I've been a bit stressed with something (that I'm sure I'll bother you with later). So, in order to unwind a bit, Jenn brought the entire first season of AMC's The Walking Dead over yesterday.
After the pilot episode, I was hooked. I've always loved horror movies of every kind - slasher, aliens, paranormal, zombies, vampires, exorcisms, etc. This show is addicting, entertaining, and impressively creepy.
However, when I finished the first season, I started to wonder something. How come characters in every zombie movie (or, in this case, TV show) are so confused? Don't get me wrong. I completely understand why they are surprised, upset, devastated, terrified, etc., but why are they always confused? They act like they don't know what zombies are. They have no idea how to kill them and they don't understand that, once bitten, they join the zombie ranks.
Now, I'm no expert on the zombie apocalypse, but come on. Haven't these people seen Night of the Living Dead or any other George A. Romero classic? Just because they are characters on a TV show doesn't mean they aren't normal people in the 21st century. They should have the same access to media that we do, right?
This might be strange, but I often wonder what fictional characters know. How are they oriented within popular culture? When I watch a movie, I assume it takes place in the present day, unless otherwise stated or blatantly obvious (ex. True Grit). I also assume that they are able to know the same things we know, have seen the same movies and TV shows we watch, and listen to the same music as us. I believe this is a fair assumption because movie and TV characters often make pop culture references (ex. Back to the Future conversation in Knocked Up or the Rush concert in I Love You, Man).
So, here is a hypothetical for you: What happens if in Justin Timberlake's new movie, he is sitting in a restaurant and "Sexy Back" comes on? Mind blown.
Call me strange, but I think that is such an interesting idea, particularly when movies acknowledge it. For instance, in Ocean's 12, Julia Roberts's character Tess pretends to be Julia Roberts. Also, in Mr. and Mrs. Smith (which stars Brad Pitt), Adam Brody's character wears a Fight Club t-shirt, a movie which also stars Brad Pitt.
Can you think of any other examples of media nerdiness? At any rate, you have The Walking Dead to thank for this...and probably an eventual Man Meat Monday.
As most of you know, I am nocturnal. So, I fill my nights blogging and watching shows on the DVR. Sometimes, I run out of things to do, so I flip through the channels. Last week, I was lucky enough to catch a particularly attractive episode of Biography. So, this week, I bring you...
George Clooney
Claim to Fame: Actor (Ocean's movies, Michael Clayton, Ides of March)
Birthday: May 6, 1961
I don't care if George is a stereotypical choice. He's also the natural, human choice. Resistance is futile.
Born in Georgetown, Kentucky, George grew up near Cincinnati (hometown points), was a huge Reds fan (he even tried out for the team!), and went to Northern Kentucky University for a bit. After realizing his athletic career was over, he decided to move to Hollywood, where he lived with his aunt while trying to find spots on various TV shows and canceled pilots. He finally got his big break, of course, as Dr. Doug Ross on ER.
Despite a couple major movie flops (*cough* Batman & Robin *cough*), George's resume is impressive, including Oscar nominations for his roles in Michael Clayton and Up in the Air and an Oscar win for Syriana. He has also proven himself to be a capable director, taking on passion projects, such as Confessions of a Dangerous Mind and Good Night and Good Luck, and bringing them to the silver screen.
I could go on for days about how gorgeous he is, but People Magazine has already voted him Sexiest Man Alive. Twice. So, that should do it. I do, however, feel compelled to mention his humanitarian work, particularly in Darfur. Instead of simply donating money to the cause, he has raised awareness by traveling to Chad and Sudan to film documentaries and see what else he could physically do there. He has also done a lot of work for the families of the victims' of 9/11 and Haiti. Sexiest Man Alive, smart, talented, political, and a big heart? It's just not fair.
Random Tidbit: For his Oscar-winning role in Syriana, George gained 35 pounds. During the filming of a torture scene, he suffered a spinal cord injury that required surgery to correct and still has residual effects. Committed much?
Only downfall?: He has been very clear that he will never get married again. This, of course, implies that I'm disappointed because I thought I stood a chance. How cute.
This is old, but he's hilarious. Did I mention he's handsome?
So, readers: It's your turn. Would you fake respiratory arrest for some CPR from George Clooney?
I'd certainly try. He may not be a doctor, but he definitely played one on TV.
A couple months ago, I found out that G. Love & Special Sauce was coming to Madison Theater in Covington, Kentucky. Since G. Love is an inductee into the Man Meat Hall of Fame, I assumed that I'd go.
However, as the concert day drew closer and closer, I didn't buy tickets. I had already seen G. Love once this year at the DMB Caravan, I'm not too familiar with his new CD Fixin' to Die, and Jenn had to work early on Saturday morning. I tried to win free tickets from G. Love on Twitter, but I lost by 17 seconds. Ouch.
Yesterday, I was starting to feel the sting of being so close to G, yet so far away. He uploaded a picture of himself overlooking Cincinnati from Drees Pavilion.
In anguish, I resigned myself to a Friday night of Extreme Makeover Home Edition and tweeted this:
When the concert started at 9:00, I couldn't tell if I was crying because of the family's reaction when the bus moved or because I was missing G. Love. After a couple deep sighs, I told myself I was absolutely not going to the show, unless G. Love himself told me to go.
Then, he did.
So, I went.
I picked Jenn up and drove like a woman possessed to Madison Theater. We bought tickets at the door and made our way as close as possible. We missed the entire opening band (Apache Relay) and part of G. Love's set, but the show was incredible. I can't find the setlist, but I know he did:
Fixin' to Die Hot Cookin' Kick Drum Baby's Got Sauce Holla This Ain't Livin' Milk and Cereal Booty Call Folsom Prison Blues (with Apache Relay) Peace, Love, and Happiness
There is nothing quite like G. Love & Special Sauce. Their perfect mixture of Philly hip-hop and Southern blues transports you somewhere else. The setlist was awesome, the energy was great, and I don't even think I need to say it, but G looked good.
Probably to no one's surprise, I saw The Ides of March on opening night. My anticipation for the movie was through the roof - I love political melodrama, the movie was filmed all around Ohio, and everyone loves George Clooney and Ryan Gosling. It didn't disappoint. Really, I suggest everyone goes to see it. It is a thought-provoking commentary on human loyalty and honesty, not only in the political realm, but in life. It explores the often self-serving world of politics through a very cynical lens, depicting the failure and eventual corruption of an idealistic campaign staffer with all the right intentions (Gosling) in an environment that is far too wrought with insincerity and deceit to accomplish anything worthwhile. This, of course, is a perfect allegory for the betrayal of Julius Caesar by Marcus Brutus on the "ides of March," March 15, 44 BC.
Gosling was incredible (as usual), George directed it beautifully, and Paul Giamatti and Philip Seymour Hoffman acted with all the capability we've seen in their roles from the past. With solid performances from Evan Rachel Wood, Marisa Tomei, and Max Minghella, I left the theater disturbed, yet strangely satisfied.
Like I said, the movie takes place on the campaign trail in my home state of Ohio, where Pennsylvania Governor Mike Morris is fighting to win a hotly-contested democratic primary and the bid for president. I loved seeing places I recognize throughout the film. Some scenes were filmed at my alma mater Miami University (and some of my friends were extras!). Last year, I ventured to Oxford in hopes of keeping finding George, Ryan, and/or Max. Of course, I left slightly disappointed, but I did find the movie's campaign bus!
Throughout the movie, you can see Farmer Business School, the Ohio River, the Millennium Hotel (in downtown Cincinnati), Paul Brown Stadium, and Newport (Kentucky). They mentioned a ton of other Ohio colleges, including Ohio State, UC, Kent State, and Xavier.
Despite all the hometown excitement, there was one scene in the movie that got me particularly excited. In a pivotal scene in which Ryan Gosling meets secretly with Paul Giamatti at a sports bar, I noticed a framed Rick Nash jersey hanging on the wall. This, of course, is highly unrealistic because no one in Cincinnati cares about Blue Jackets hockey or knows who Rick Nash is. After fangirling a bit and annoying Jenn, I decided to tweet the Columbus Blue Jackets to tell them about the small cameo for the captain.
One day later, I received a tweet from Nirva Milord, the NHL Director of Entertainment Publicity (@NHLnlm):
Apparently, he had contacted the Blue Jackets announcing a contest that would give a prize to the first fan who tweeted about the Nash jersey in the scene. Being the creep I am, I noticed and tweeted about it before the contest was announced. So, I won! ....a contest that I didn't know existed. I love Twitter.
Today, I got my prize! An official NHL puck signed by none other than my future husband, Rick Nash. Seriously, all of these run-ins must be more than coincidence, right?
Just another thing for the shrine. Next time I see him, I'll try to collect a lock of his hair.
Is it just me or should I be playing the lottery these days?
This week, I decided to get back to basics and give you the most shallow slice of Man Meat...possibly ever. So, without further ado, I bring you...
Steve Jones
Claim to Fame: Host of The X Factor USA
Birthday: March 16, 1977
I'm not going to lie to you. I don't know very much about this guy. I know he's from Wales, he's 6'4", he used to be a model, he hosts my new favorite TV show (although he isn't very good at it), and, perhaps most importantly, he looks like that.
See what I mean? Shallow choice. Hey - I'm entitled to this every now and then. The segment is called Man Meat Monday.
Random Tidbit: Apparently, he has dated Pamela Anderson and Hayden Panettiere.
Only downfall?: He wears a pinky ring. Why don't all guys realize that pinky rings are a no-no?
Every single time it shows him on X Factor, I make a comment about how gorgeous he is. This, of course, means that no one likes watching the show with me, anymore.
Yes.
So, readers: It's your turn. Am I the only one who wishes he was the host of a show called XXX Factor?
I might just audition next season so that I can cry on his shoulder when the judges send me home.
According to most of my friends, I am an awful travel buddy.
Let me be clear. It's not that I'm a bad traveler. I pack incredibly fast, I fly through security checkpoints, I never check a bag, and my carry-on is a reasonable size. I'm a seasoned veteran of checking into hotels, I do an insane amount of research before a vacation, and I'm fairly skilled at figuring out subways and metros.
So, what's the issue?
Most people view vacations as a break - a time to relax, eat, lay out on the beach, drink, etc. I, on the other hand, view vacations as an opportunity to do anything and everything that I can't do at home.
I have been an incredibly lucky traveler. My parents have taken us to so many amazing places and my Dad instilled in me an insatiable thirst for knowledge and an overwhelming desire to see the world. Throughout my childhood (especially during my angsty teenage years when all I wanted to do was sleep or call friends), my dad repeated one phrase to me on every vacation: The action is on the street.
He was completely right. Over the years, I have randomly run into celebrities, I have gotten cheap tickets to games or shows, I have met incredible people with interesting stories, and I have seen things I may never see again - all because I ventured outside. So, I fill every vacation with endless museums, shows, sightseeing, tours, concerts, sporting events, and, anything else I can find. By the end of a vacation, I'm completely exhausted, but I have some amazing stories. So, while my friends lay on the beach or sit in the room, I throw a temper tantrum and leave, in search of some action.
On our recent trip to California, we spent one wonderful day in San Diego. However, after a morning at the zoo and lunch in the Gaslamp Quarter, we started to head back to Oceanside for the night. I must admit - I was kinda upset. It's not that I didn't love Oceanside, but it's SAN DIEGO and I didn't know when (or if) I'd ever be back.
When we got back, we decided to take a walk on the beach. As I huffed and puffed along the water, the sun started to go down. Slowly at first, the colors in the sky started to change. The ocean breeze picked up, carrying the sound of the waves crashing on the shore and the distant cries of seagulls. I smelled the sea salt and felt the smooth, cool sand beneath my feet.
I dipped my feet in the cold water and looked behind me to see my family sharing this beautiful moment with me.
As the sun dipped deeper on the horizon, I was reminded, yet again, that sometimes it's okay to go with the flow. It's okay to step back and let things play out as they should. If we had still been in San Diego, we wouldn't have seen this.
Sometimes, the best things in life aren't things you make happen. They are things that happen to you.
As if I don't already watch enough TV, I decided to catch up and watch all three episodes of Pan Am tonight. As a bit of a history buff and a fan of the 1960s, I knew the show would interest me the instant I saw the commercial. However, I also have a much more personal connection to the show.
My grandparents (Nana and Grandad) met while working for Pan Am, my Grandad as a pilot and my Nana as a stewardess. After serving as a pilot in World War II, my Grandad took a job flying passenger planes for Pan American World Airways. During one of his flights, he met my Nana, a beautiful, young stewardess, who also served as the Spanish translator on the flights. After she denied his initial approach, he started to schedule himself on flights that he knew she would also be working. It didn't take long for her to agree to a date and the rest is history. They moved to Long Island (conveniently located near the Pan Am headquarters and JFK airport) and their first child, my dad, was born in 1952.
Although Pan Am takes place in the early 1960s, I absolutely loved watching it and replacing the characters with my grandparents. Although he didn't like to talk about it, my Grandad was truly a war hero, with the medals and ribbons to prove it. My Nana, a Chicago girl born and bred, really was a new breed of woman - independent, smart, and talented. It is so interesting to imagine how exciting their lives must have been - traveling to new places, seeing the world together.
My Grandad passed away from Alzheimer's a few years ago, but my Nana tunes in to ABC every Sunday night to watch the new episodes of Pan Am. Although she probably laughs at the romanticization of the job and the technical inaccuracies of the show, I'm sure she loves reminiscing on her days as a young woman. I'm sure she wishes my Grandad were still here to watch it with her, to hold her hand and remember. I bet, however, that the show also brings her comfort. It reminds her of him and the exciting life they shared in love. I suppose that's the awesome power of television. For one hour every week, he's with her - traveling to those old places, seeing the world together once more.
I apologize for the lack of Man Meat. To make up for it, I have an extra drool-worthy post coming later in the week. Promise!
As my favorite holiday during my favorite part of the year, Halloween has always been a big deal to me. This, of course, means that I take my Halloween costume very seriously.
As a child, I was Pippi Longstocking five times. My mom braided my hair around a flattened coat hanger, so that my pigtails would stick straight out. I wish I could find a picture because it was impressive.
Since then, I've been:
Mario,
a Twister board,
a baby,
the Wicked Witch of the West,
Mrs. Peacock (from Clue),
and last year, my own version of a Pittsburgh Penguin.
I already have my costume picked out for this year. It's a secret, but you won't be disappointed.
I know I already posted today, but my beloved Pens won their season opener against Vancouver last night in a shootout. Matt Cooke, playing against his former team, had a monster game with both a powerplay goal and a short-handed goal. James Neal scored the first Pens' goal of the season and Flower played like a brick wall when it really counted, despite letting Vancouver back into the game. Kris Letang scored the first pretty shootout goal and, after Flower denied Samuelsson and Burrows, my Russian lovekitten Geno scored what looked to be the easiest shootout goal in the history of the game.
Needless to say, my Pens are 1-0 on the season and, although it's early, they look to be serious contenders for the Cup this year. I can't even fathom the potential with Sid back. Canada should seriously consider making his first game back a national holiday...that I will also celebrate religiously.
But, my real reason for this post is to show you my new Christmas list.
One of my favorite hockey blogs, The Hockey Junkies, recently introduced me to a company called Bleacher Creatures. Yes, friends. There is a company making stuffed versions of my favorite athletes.
These are Geno and Sid. I admit - they look nothing like their human counterparts. Geno looks like he got punched in the face a few times or hasn't slept in 72 hours. The makers also neglected to include Sid's flawless, bee-stung lips and I've never seen his hair doing that. Ever.
However, I think I need these in my life. That way, I can say that I sleep between Sid and Geno every night and not be lying.
By the way, this company also makes a Brian Urlacher. So, basically, all of my dreams are coming true.
The second half of my glorious vacation began with a short drive from Hesperia to Camp Pendleton to pick up my BROTHER! The first time I see him after a few months is simultaneously heartbreaking and perfect. I can't really explain it. When I see his handsome face, I realize that, for the first time in my life, we are growing up without each other. I instantly start wondering what I've missed in his life - how he feels, what he's doing everyday. I worry that we aren't just growing up, but maybe growing apart, too.
Then, I hug him and realize we aren't. At all. That first hug reassures me that nothing has changed and nothing ever will.
We got the grand tour of his luxurious room, met his roommate Schieler, and high-tailed it out of there.
We checked into our hotel in Oceanside and walked to the end of the beautiful pier. We saw seagulls, pelicans, surfers, a baby shark (someone caught it!), and a SEAL! Much to LP's humiliation, I started to scream and chase it.
At the end of the pier, we noticed what looked like a pirate ship making its way toward us. When it passed the pier, a little kid screamed, "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" and there was a huge BANG! This boat actually had a fake cannon that it shot at people. Needless to say, I had a heart attack.
That night, we went bowling. Last time I bowled, I took first place and bowled my very first turkey. This time, I came in dead last - both games. I refuse to share my scores.
The next morning, we left early for San Diego to go to the world-famous San Diego Zoo! We took a quick bus tour, rode in the Skyfari aerial tram (I assure you - LP is WAY more afraid of heights than I am), and had some ice cream before scoping out the animals.
We saw polar bears playing, gorillas, a red panda, orangutans, a baby giraffe, a two-headed snake, sleeping koala bears (which I tried to steal), turtles in mid-fornication (LP's personal favorite), and my favorite, an incredibly hungry and lazy panda bear.
After leaving the zoo, we headed downtown to eat lunch and watch the Packers vs. Bears game. We went to a sports bar called Jolt'n Joe's in the Gaslamp Quarter. The doors were open to the street, TVs were playing every NFL game, the guacamole was taste-gasmic, and the atmosphere was awesome. I think I spotted every single team jersey in this place, except for the Bengals, and people were cheering like crazy. Let's just say - I fit in. Luckily, the Packers won by more than 3-1/2 points (despite a late Urlacher interception). We won $192 on our Vegas bet, so my dad promised to feed me for the rest of the vacation.
After lunch, we walked around the Gaslamp Quarter for a bit. I promise to return. That place is a party waiting to happen. LP also found his namesake.
We spent the rest of the night walking on the beach and watching football.
The next morning, we left early for Los Angeles because Mom and I had Jeopardy tickets! I wasn't allowed to take ANY pictures and I got in trouble for taking this one of the studio gates (stupid).
I cannot explain my excitement for Jeopardy. I have been a Jeopardy fan my ENTIRE life. I am not kidding. There is a video of me dancing to the Jeopardy song at age 2. Much to my surprise and excitement, I was there for three tapings of the TOURNAMENT OF CHAMPIONS! I felt like a mega-dork when I recognized most of the contestants. It was so exciting to see the studio in person, see Johnny Gilbert (the announcer - who is a precious, nice old man), and see Sarah from the Clue Crew. See why I'm constantly fending guys off left and right?
Before the tapings started, my mom covered my mouth with a band-aid so I wouldn't say the answers out loud. When Alex came out, she actually started crying because she was so excited for me. The taping went pretty fast, but during the commercial breaks, Alex would take questions from the audience. He talked to us about dealing with his ruptured achilles tendon and his love for the Montreal Canadiens (ick). I wanted to ask him his opinion on Will Ferrell, but we ran out of time.
After a contestant mistakenly guessed, "What is a threesome?" when the answer was actually 'Love triangle,' Alex took the next commercial break to explain something to us. These aren't his exact words, but they are pretty close: "Supposedly, it is the ultimate male fantasy to have a threesome. Not for me. In fact, if that ever were to happen, and the girls were together, I would probably be sitting there, reading or watching TV." I thought I was going to die.
They had to re-tape a few things that didn't sound good on audio the first time. A legal expert on the panel made Alex re-record the answer 'Expedia.com' because he sang the jingle and Jeopardy didn't want to pay the royalties for it. The panel of judges just sat there, cross-referencing wrong answers in dictionaries, encyclopedias, maps, etc. It was so awesome to see. Truly a dream come true. Hopefully next time, I'm on the other side of the stage.
After Jeopardy, Dad and LP picked us up to see The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson! After a bit of a wait, we were allowed in the studio, where warm-up comedian Chunky B entertained us and taught us how to laugh correctly. They really stress that it's the audience's job to laugh hard - even when it's not funny. I actually thought Chunky B was funnier than Craig. Plus, he handed candy out to the audience before the show started.
As always, Craig was great, too. We got to see his gay robot skeleton Geoff Peterson in all his glory (including the guy who provides Geoff's voice). Much to my excitement, we did the Secretariat dance - if you don't watch the show, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. There was only one guest, but he was hilarious - it was JONAH HILL! He was there promoting Moneyball and, as you already know, he looks so different! He was really funny, joking about starring next to someone as handsome as Brad Pitt.
Since I've been home, I watched the episode and I can actually hear my brother laughing multiple times! He has a pretty recognizable laugh. Plus, he always seems to laugh at things that no one else finds funny.
After the taping, we went downtown to see Grauman's Chinese Theater. A few key roads were closed because President Obama was in town for something. However, after a bit of tricky maneuvering, we finally reached our destination. It's such a tourist trap, but you can't not go there. It's fun to pretend you're holding hands with compare your own hand size to George Clooney and Matt Damon. My personal favorite, however, was the cast of Harry Potter. They even put their wands in the cement.
As we were leaving, we overheard some music nearby. After checking it out, we realized it was Kelly Rowland, performing outside for Jimmy Kimmel's show. So, we listened to "Motivation" before heading back to Oceanside...because nothing is more gloriously awkward than listening to that song with your parents and brother.
The next morning, we woke up early our excursions in Dana Point. Dad and LP went deep-sea fishing. Mom and I went the stereotypical girl route and opted with whale watching, instead. The boys' trip was a few hours longer than ours, so we drove to nearby San Clemente Beach. While there, we were swinging when we noticed some dolphins swimming by. It was just one of those moments that you can't explain - a rare moment of complete clarity, relaxation, and peace.
Unfortunately, we didn't see any whales on our trip, but we did see thousands (I'm not exaggerating) of dolphins.
LP caught a poisonous fish of some kind and got plenty of fish fillets from the other fishermen on the boat. This is his fierce look, by the way.
Then, the moment I had been dreading finally arrived. We drove back to Camp Pendleton and returned my brother like a rented DVD. As always, it hurt like crazy leaving him, especially not knowing when we'd see each other again.
On the upside, this gives me some time to work on my wrestling skills. Between boot camp and MCMAP (Marine Corps Martial Arts Program), he's gotten pretty good.
I had every intention of writing about the California part of my vacation today, but then fate intervened. Well, a combination of fate, Twitter, and my supreme stalking skills.
Last night was one of those rare nights when you wake up the next morning and think, "Really? That could not have actually happened."
Yesterday morning, the Columbus Blue Jackets (@BlueJacketsNHL) tweeted that they were practicing and doing "team-building exercises" in Oxford, home of my alma mater Miami University. They also mentioned they had another practice at Goggin today. After not too much convincing, Jenn agreed to go with me (because when doesn't she want to be at Miami?).
Picture courtesy of the Columbus Blue Jackets
When we got there, we picked up CJ and headed straight to Brick Street - the place to be any day of the week in Oxford. Mondays at Brick Street happen to be karaoke night. Jenn went to dinner with a co-worker while CJ and I caught up. About an hour into our conversation, the Columbus Blue Jackets, in their entirety, walked in the front door and filed upstairs to SkyBox. I couldn't help but notice that Rick Nash was fulfilling my lumberjack fantasies by wearing a flannel button-up. After stuffing my tongue back in my mouth and wiping the drool off the table, CJ and I continued our conversation.
However, I kept a close watch on SkyBox. I couldn't see any of the players (they were sitting at the bar in the back), but I could see a bouncer at the top of the stairs. Over the course of an hour, I watched him systematically turn away almost every group of students who tried to enter SkyBox with the exception of three: One large group of guys and two small groups of stereotypical, pretty Miami girls.
After a bit, Jenn joined us at Brick Street. Being the amazing best friends they are, it didn't take long for Jenn and CJ to notice my anxiety. I was torn between my overwhelming desire to sprint upstairs and the absolute terror of being denied entry by the bouncer. After thinking about it for a minute, I realized that I will probably never be in the same bar with an entire NHL team ever again.
As one could only assume, the motivational speech from Miracle came to mind: "Great moments are born from great opportunity. That's what I have here tonight. That's what I've earned here tonight."
So, after a quick test-run by Jenn and CJ (did I mention how much I love them?), we ventured upstairs, right past the bouncer, like we belonged there. Mission accomplished. Once we reached our post, I scanned my surroundings and nearly passed out. SkyBox was full of the Columbus Blue Jackets and the Miami hockey team (currently ranked #1 by USA Today and USA Hockey Magazine). They were ALL there. Rick Nash was talking to Jeff Carter at the bar. RJ Umberger was talking to someone I don't know. Antoine Vermette was on his phone in the corner. Steve Mason was talking up a group of Miami girls. I was dead.
Jenn and CJ, on the other hand, could not have cared less. They behaved as normal - CJ dancing on tables and Jenn cat-calling and buying shots (which they toasted loudly to "Rick Nashty and Sexy Carter!").
I had my camera, but I was terrified to take pictures. I didn't want to get kicked out of a party that I wasn't really invited to...in front of an entire NHL team. However, at one point, a more than slightly inebriated Steve Mason ventured behind us to turn on a fan. It took him quite awhile to figure it out, so once he did, he gave us all high fives. So, I pounced on the opportunity and said something ultra cool and impressive: "Umm...are you Steve Mason?" He smiled, said yes, shook my hand, and asked my name. He asked CJ if she was a waitress at 45 East, then told her that it must have been her twin. Somehow, Jenn had the presence of mind to capture this on her phone, albeit blurry and dark.
One shot of Patrón, multiple beers, and seven borderline blackouts for me (this might be the only scenario in which the non-drinker is the one blacking out), we deemed it the appropriate time to leave. This may or may not have been because I spotted Rick Nash and Jeff Carter walking downstairs.
So, we made our way outside and sure enough, Rick, Jeff, and five other Blue Jackets were outside. Awkwardly, I handed Jenn my camera because I knew she'd ask for a picture. (She is what I strive to be.) With the confidence of Ryan Gosling strolling into a sorority house, Jenn walked straight up to Rick Nash, clad in his sexy flannel, and asked for a picture. He looked super awkward about it, but obliged.
Jeff Carter offered to take the picture. I looked straight at him and said, "No. I want you in the picture." The rest of the guys laughed (and I felt like a jerk for excluding them). Then, Mr. Carter, possibly in his attempt at humor, looked right at me with a straight face and said, "Oh, I don't play." Clearly, he had no idea who he was dealing with.
I wanted to say, "Yes, you do. You played for the Flyers, so for a few years, I hated you. Then, you got traded to the Blue Jackets and threw a fit." Instead, I went with, "Yes, you do. You're Jeff Carter." He kept a completely straight face, but the rest of the guys laughed. Hard. Unfortunately, he didn't get in the picture.
So, we awkwardly ambled over to the lumberjack of my dreams for a picture taken by Blue Jacket defenseman Aaron Johnson (who had a pretty nasty black eye). After taking the picture, he pretended to throw my camera, laughed hysterically, then asked, "You don't want a picture with big daddy?"
We made our way to the car with me trying to breathe normally and Jenn and CJ laughing and yelling players' names. As we drove away, the Blue Jackets' bus arrived to pick them up for the night.
Ultimately, I decided to forgo the practice at Goggin this morning. I figured nothing could top last night. Plus, I don't want Rick Nash filing a restraining order against me.
Overall, last night was simultaneously awesome and awkward. If it weren't for the encouragement of two of my best friends, I would be punching myself today. How in the world did I get so lucky?
