Man Meat Monday #8

It should be no big surprise to you that I've obsessed over celebrities my entire life.

It all started with Chris O'Donnell as Robin in the Batman movies. Then, I sold my soul to Brian Littrell from the Backstreet Boys. Later, I went through an experimental punk rock stage where I thought I was going to marry Tom DeLonge from Blink 182...then Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day. Yikes.

However, despite the childhood crushes that I now deem to be questionable at best, there is still one that I FIRMLY stand by...and that crush is...

Josh Hartnett

Claim to Fame: Actor (Pearl Harbor, 40 Days and 40 Nights, Black Hawk Down)

Birthday: July 21, 1978

Oh my sweet God. The instant I saw him in The Faculty, I was done. He played the handsome, rebellious bad boy and I was hooked. His role in Pearl Harbor (which I saw four times in theaters) had the 13-year-old me both crying and fantasizing about sweet love-making in parachute-filled airplane hangers. I was beyond obsessed...for years.

Now, when I look back at this phase, I approve of my choice. Born and raised in Minnesota, Josh Hartnett almost seems to be the antithesis of Hollywood superstar. He is humble, articulate, and soft-spoken, yet immensely talented (and underrated) as an actor. He recently finished a stint in the London stage production of Rain Man and often chooses passion projects, as opposed to meaningless summer blockbusters.

Other absurdly attractive details? He's 6'3", has an incredibly deep voice, and have you seen the birthmark on his neck?

Random Tidbit: He went out with Scarlett Johansson for a couple years. This, of course, decreases my chances of being with him by roughly 100%.

Only downfall?: He smokes. Hence the beautiful voice?

I looked everywhere for the infamous or(chid)gasm clip from 40 Days and 40 Nights, where he gives the girl an orgasm using only a flower. Cannot find it anywhere...besides the dark recesses of my now-wandering mind.

If I had to choose my favorite Josh Hartnett movie, it would probably be O, in which he played the deliciously evil and deeply-troubled Iago. If you haven't seen it, rent it. Here is an interview about the role of Iago. You don't have to watch it all. I just want you to see how beautiful he is and hear his gorgeous voice.

So, readers: It's your turn. Would you show Josh Hartnett your O face?

I ate way too much guacamole tonight.

Tonight was my one of my favorite holidays: Oscar night.

Seriously, ever since middle school, it has been my dream to write an Oscar-winning screenplay. Have I started it? No. I do, however, have my speech planned already. Just like every other award show, my mom and I made our predictions. For the first time, my mom tied with me. Big day for her. ;)

Tonight also marked another first for me. For the first time ever, I flipped between two channels during the pre-show Red Carpet coverage. Sounds like sacrilege, I know...but I'm glad I did it because I'm pretty sure Jonathan Toews got me pregnant on this shot.



The Blackhawks ended up winning in a shootout. Tazer had two goals and the only shootout goal. Need more proof of his perfection?

BUT, back to the Oscars...

I've decided to give out my own awards instead of my usual +/- reviews.

Most Beautiful Couple: Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz. Holy latin beauty.


Best Presenter: James Franco seemed as high as a kite and more bored than when he was stuck for 127 hours in the depths of a canyon. Anne Hathaway did a refreshingly great job, but I'm going with Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. They're gorgeous, hilarious, have amazing chemistry, and I cannot wait for Sherlock 2. Can they please host next year?

Most Justice Served: Colin Firth wins best actor. All is right in the world. He can say whatever he wants and it sounds smart, hilarious, and perfect. Forever my Mr. Darcy. I'm also very glad that Natalie Portman won.

Best Musical Moment: I'm not counting the adorable PS22 choir. They made me cry during their rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." My other favorite moment was the audible orgasm that was the duet between Florence Welch and AR Rahman. I've loved Rahman since Slumdog Millionaire, but they were amazing together.

Most Amazingly Awkward interview: You will thank me for this. Jesse Eisenberg is so uncomfortable and adorable that I can't handle it. Watch from 3:15 to 4:45.

Superbowl? Sign up this morning? No TV? Watching you in person? Shake some of their hands? Tell your mom I said hi? Please notice how long he awkwardly sticks around, looking at the camera. I want to hug him.

Most Blissful Moment: Trent Reznor wins for The Social Network score. Listen to this man's music. I thought the music in 300 was delicious.

Biggest Disappointment: Melissa Leo. I just don't like her. Yes, she transformed herself for The Fighter, but I just don't get it. I am part of the 1% of viewers who didn't like the movie. Her look of utter shock at winning, coupled with the huge F-bomb she dropped on the classiest night in Hollywood, did not give her any points in my book. Who else would steal Kirk Douglas's cane?

Best Dress: I'm going with Mila Kunis on this one.


Hardest LOL moment: The autotune video that featured Harry Potter, Toy Story 3, and Twilight. I loved this...and it wasn't just because it showed a shirtless Jacob Black.

...and there you have it. Get ready for Man Meat Monday. It's a throwback!

NOM NOM NOM.

The injury situation in Pittsburgh is getting a bit ridiculous.

Sid has been concussing since early January. Geno is out for the season with a torn MCL and ACL. Kunitz is out, Asham is out, Letestu is out, Comrie is out, Martin is out. Dustin Jeffrey, a Wilkes-Barre/Scranton call-up, returned yesterday. To make matters worse, one of our best defenseman, Brooks Orpik, broke a finger during Wednesday's game and is out for 4-6 weeks. Great.

Seriously, the locker room must look like this:

Do you think they're hiring a nurse with absolutely no professional training? ...or someone to remove their jocks for them?

No? Okay.

Lies I was told as a child.

Tonight, I realized how many lies I was told as a child.

I won't even start with Santa, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy. Seriously, from birth until my high school graduation, I was fed a series of deliberate lies.

Here are some of my favorites:

"No, Brittany. It's okay. This is No More Tears shampoo." - I'm calling bullshit. Cried every time.

"You will find practical uses for calculus in your everyday life." - Umm...I can't even find practical uses for multiplying and dividing fractions. I don't really care about the rate at which the milkshake travels through the straw. I just want it in my mouth. Now.

"Christopher Columbus was a cool guy." - Although not a direct quote, you get the gist. Every elementary school in the country celebrates Columbus day with glorious stories, activities, and songs of his heroism. Then, suddenly, in high school, you learn the truth. I guess this lie is somewhat justified. Can you imagine the screams of horror from the 2nd graders who just learned about smallpox-infested blankets, slavery, and crimes against humanity?

"Hockey is boring." - Riiight. Thanks, Dad.

"No, seriously. I really like you." *frantically stuffs hands up my shirt* - Why does every insecure freshman girl fall for this?

"Everything happens for a reason." - Not true. I don't buy it. Horrible things happen to amazing people and life isn't always fair. I do, however, believe you can learn something from everything. You can always find a silver lining, but that doesn't mean it happened for a reason.

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman." - The most famous lie told since my birth.

"You will remember these spelling words forever because these are your 'forever' words." - Clearly these aren't 'forever words.' I see more people my age misspelling 'there,' 'their,' and 'they're' than 5th graders.

"Who dey think gonna beat dem Bengals?" - This question implies that very few can beat the Cincinnati Bengals. It is meant to sound like, "How DARE anyone challenge the Bengals?" Of course, after a few years of fanhood, the answer becomes painfully clear: just about anyone, including some highly-ranked collegiate programs.

"Someday my prince will come..." - Snow White sings this song and one poisonous apple and 20 minutes of screen time later, there he is. The prince just shows up without her doing anything. In fact, all she does is sleep. Uhh...hello? I'm the best sleeper I know and Vince Vaughn is yet to show up and kiss me out of my slumber. Thanks a lot, Disney. You should be charged with aiding and abetting in the formulation of my unrealistic expectations for guys.

"Brittany, you need to do your laundry." - HA! College proved one thing to me: Your laundry can wait two more weeks after the initial realization that you need to do your laundry.

"There are plenty of fish in the sea." - I suppose this is true, but you happened to leave out that 50% of the fish are girls, some are gay, some are shallow, some are stupid, some are rude, some are boring, some are immature, and quite frankly, most aren't right for you. So, good luck.

Don't worry. I'm not harboring any resentment.

Interactive blogosphere! Vote away!

It's no secret that I'm 100% nocturnal. Aside from missing the sun completely, the biggest downfall of my sleeping schedule is being alone for long periods of time. As a result, I find the most ridiculous ways to spend my free time.

Tonight, I've decided to choose the top 10 most attractive players in the NHL. After narrowing down the list, I've finalized my choices. Here's where YOU come in. Here are my top 10, out of order and without names. To be as objective as possible, I chose each player's headshot from this season. These are NOT the best pictures of them. I promise.

Which number do YOU think is the best looking?

The winner may become future man meat. Don't worry. Next week's candidate isn't a hockey player. ;)

EDIT: For those of you wondering...

1. Brooks Laich - Washington Capitals

2. Eric Staal - Caroline Hurricanes

3. Max Talbot - Pittsburgh Penguins

4. Carey Price - Montreal Canadiens

5. Evgeni Malkin - Pittsburgh Penguins

6. Cam Ward - Carolina Hurricanes

7. Sidney Crosby - Pittsburgh Penguins

8. Rick Nash - Columbus Blue Jackets

9. Jonathan Toews - Chicago Blackhawks

10. Jordan Staal - Pittsburgh Penguins

Blame it on the...pink

After getting a bit soap-boxy last night, it's time for this week's glee-cap.

Overall, this episode was hilarious to me. Rachel's house party looked oddly like every single weeknight of my last semester of college...and I don't drink. Except replace the game of quarters with beer pong and Mario Kart. Replace spin-the-bottle with truth or dare...and there you have it. College.

+ I laugh every single time that Sue calls Emma something that isn't "Emma."

+ Artie. He is so ghetto fabulous that I can barely stand it.

- Whatever Schue and Bieste sang at the honky tonk bar. Eww. I do, however, find their friendship adorable.

+ Rachel Berry's house party trainwreck extravaganza. This was Glee at its finest. So hilarious. I am shocked that my best friend hasn't shouted "IT TASTES LIKE PINK!" before this episode.

- Although I liked "Don't You Want Me," I envisioned their rendition to be a little more...sloppy. I'm a veteran of college karaoke nights. I know what drunk people sound like mid-song.

+ Key-dollar sign-HA. Thank you, Figgins. By the way, Brittany makes the perfect Ke$ha.

- I wanted to cry when Santana asked Schue what he has to live for if he stops drinking. Really?

+/- Rachel and Blaine. That kiss had a little heat in it. They would make a beautiful and talented couple...but I can't get over Finnchel or Blurt. So, absolutely not. At least Blaine knows he's 100% gay now!

- Rachel's incredibly creepy dress at her party. Whoa...and I'm always complimenting the costume designers...

+ Finn was the only sober one. I told you he's perfect.

+ The drunk girl archetypes are so true. I've witnessed all of them many a time. I wonder which one I'd be. Care to venture any guesses?

- Yet again, an unrealistic and abrupt ending. Figgins thought it was fake? The kids aren't punished for drinking Bloody Marys and sizzurp at school? Yeah right.

+ Holy drunk dial, Will Schuster. I loved the Grease reference with the over-the-intercom message, the little xylophone Becky played, and the "roll in the hay" comment. Embarrassed much, Will? I wonder how Emma felt about that. It wasn't exactly a secret who he was talking about. I don't know many people who eat lunch with gloves on.

It's about time that Ryan Murphy tackled the topic of teenage drinking. They talk about pre-marital sex, homophobia, pregnancy, insecurity, bullying, etc., but they somehow managed to avoid the topic of drinking until now. It's a reality of high school.

I think they handled it realistically, too. Most high schoolers steal their alcohol from their parents' liquor cabinet, drink a bit too much, throw up, and claim they'll never drink again. Of course, they don't mean it. I was glad to see that the show accepted the fact that high schoolers are going to drink no matter what. They also mentioned the dangers of drunk driving multiple times. Still, I think they could have taken it a bit more seriously. They really didn't do too much discouraging of underage drinking and even made it seem somewhat permissible to drink at school. At the very least, Rachel could have gotten in trouble for trashing her dads' Oscar room.

I suppose if Sue's allowed to push students around and Schue isn't punished for everyone hearing his sexually provocative voicemail, the kids should be able to sip on some gin and juice between periods. Ha!

Got my mind on my money and my money on my mind.

Waking up in a new way.

Tonight, I had one of those amazing, eye-opening moments. One of those moments where you feel beyond guilty because you realize, yet again, that you take so many things for granted.

I complained about the Penguins losing to the Capitals. I complained about being single. I complained about not having a job. I complained about missing my brother. I complained about dirty laundry. Then, I started my nightly computer routine: Check Facebook, e-mails, nhl.com, twitter, CNN.

As I read about Libya and Bahrain, my heart broke. I watched absolutely horrifying videos broadcast by the BBC and Al Jazeera. These videos showed peaceful protesters in the streets of Tripoli (Libya's capital) being shot indiscriminately by mercenaries, hired by the country's oppressive dictator of 40+ years, Muammar Gadhafi. They showed civilians being shot by Gadhafi's snipers, family members screaming and crying, doctors and nurses being beaten. The government is using anti-aircraft weapons and high caliber rounds against civilian protesters. These are weapons designed to tear through walls and take out tanks...and they are being used on peaceful protesters.

I cannot comprehend this. This is the 21st century, right? The incredible movement for democracy in the middle East has inspired and intrigued me from the start. I followed the events in Egypt, Tunisia, and Yemen closely. Of course, there were horrible injuries and deaths in those movements, too. I'm not trying to downplay the courageous actions taken by Egyptians and Tunisians. Still, Libya is something different.

The government, unlike Hosni Mubarak in Egypt, is refusing to step down. It is threatening its citizens with civil war, promising bloodshed, hiring mercenaries, carrying out a genocide, and not even pretending to listen to the demands of the people. It remains defiant, shut down the country's internet and phone services, and has used its military forces indiscriminately against men, women, and children. Already, hundreds have died.

We don't have to worry about genocide. We don't fear our government or our military. We don't have to fight for democracy and we often take for granted those that did it for us.

This puts everything in perspective for me. We live in a country where democracy, peace, freedom of assembly, and freedom of speech are not only expected, but taken for granted. We bitch and moan over party differences. We complain about taxes, traffic, and security checks at the airport. MSN's homepage is more concerned with Justin Bieber's haircut. We focus on celebrities, sports, movies, and music. I'm more than guilty myself.

What's even more troubling to me is that most Americans aren't even aware of what is going on in the middle East. We, of all people, should be most enthusiastic about the contagious nature of the democratic movement. We are the shining stars of democracy, the perfect picture of the democratic way of life. In fact, we like democracy so much that we even invaded a country to impose it on them...against the will of its people. We should stand adamently behind the people of Libya - proud, informed, and supportive. We should show our disgust with authoritarian regimes and refuse to deal with or tolerate oppressive dictators.

Unfortunately, many that are informed on the situation in the middle East have more selfish concerns. Many fear that the revolutions will put anti-American Islamic groups in power, damaging our strongholds in the area. Selfishly, they worry more about rising gas prices than the innocent lives being lost.

Tonight, as I closed my eyes due to the horrific violence on my computer screen, my eyes were also opened in a new way. It reaffirms to me that I have a relatively easy life. I won the lottery of birth and have very little to actually complain about. So, I refuse to take what I have for granted. I am thankful for our democracy, our freedom of speech and assembly. Call me an idealist, a bleeding heart, but I strongly believe in the voice of the people, protesting for something long overdue.

The people of the middle East are speaking and they are right.

If all I can do is raise awareness in my tiny corner of the universe, then so be it...but I will do that until the violence stops. I am grateful every single day to live in a country where a 23-year-old girl can write openly in her blog about celebrity crushes or the state of the world.

Tonight, I wish that for everyone standing courageously in the face of injustice.

Man Meat Monday #7

So, after last week's Man Meat Monday, I learned three things:

1. Gerard Butler can't be touched by any other male. He just might be perfect in the eyes of every girl.

2. I should probably go into the Valentine-making business.

3. Some of my lovely readers (Morgan) need some convincing that Jonathan Toews is perfect.

So, without any further ado, this week's sexy slab of Man Meat is...

Jonathan Toews (pronounced Tay-ves)

Claim to Fame: Center for and captain of the Chicago Blackhawks

Birthday: April 29, 1988

With long-term injuries to both Sid and Geno, I was forced to look elsewhere in the NHL for hockey-playing fodder for my fantasies. That burden fell squarely on the shoulders of none other than Jonathan Toews (Tazer). Luckily, he handles responsibility well. His hockey credentials are more than impressive: World Junior Championship gold medalist, 2010 Olympic gold medalist (he was also named best forward), Conn Smythe Trophy (playoff MVP), and the second-youngest captain to ever hoist the Stanley Cup (also in 2010). He has been known to get very angry during games and give heated interviews following a loss. He settles for nothing less than perfection...and mama likes a driven guy.

He is a team leader, incredibly focused, intelligent, and always very gracious with fans. He has an incredibly attractive, deep voice and plays the guitar. Since we're admittedly a bit shallow here at MMM, he's 6'2", 220 lbs., and deliciously handsome. Oh yeah - he also has a $1.4 million condo in downtown Chicago. Last time I spent the night there, I took a picture to help with your visual.



No, but seriously...that is the actual view from his place. *sigh*

Random tidbit: He has a lake named after him in his home province of Manitoba.

Only downfall?: ...he isn't a Penguin? ...he has fallen into the bad habit of wearing a shirt?

His intense will to succeed has earned him another nickname in the locker room, "Captain Serious." He has the driest sense of humor ever and here's the incredibly awkward and hilarious proof:



So, readers: It's your turn. Can Tazer crash your net?




...wait, didn't I have clothes on when I started this post?

A product of Saturday night and Dance Kinect...

We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much! I miss being with you! I miss being near you. I miss your laugh.



I miss your scent. I miss your musk.



When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together!

...and I might even miss your 'stache.



If you were playing tomorrow, I would see you and Tazer on the ice...together...



On second thought, it's probably better you aren't playing. I'm watching the game with my parents and it's being broadcast on NBC. Family friendly, Brittany. Keep it family friendly.

Tales from a Chinese buffet...

There is a relatively new Chinese buffet about 20 minutes from my house. In the last year, I've gone three times to said restaurant and the food is great. However, every single time I go, something remarkably hilarious happens. Let me explain:

Experience #1: While enjoying my chicken with broccoli, I began to listen to the background music. You know - the horrible, wordless music always played at Chinese restaurants that sounds like an old-school monophonic ringtone? Suddenly, I noticed that the song playing was actually "Greensleeves/What Child is This?" It was July. The song continued on repeat throughout the duration of my meal.

Experience #2: Before seeing Daniel Tosh's stand-up routine in Cincinnati, Jenn and I went for dinner at the restaurant. After eating a stuffed mushroom, I decided I needed a drink of my Dr. Pepper. I hadn't realized, however, that my drink was currently being re-filled and unknowingly, I grabbed Jenn's drink for a sip. Before my mouth hit the straw, I heard someone scream "NOOOO!" from across the room. Alarmed, I glanced over and saw our waitress, a lovely middle-aged Chinese woman, sprinting over to me with my drink. "That not yours! This yours!" she scolded me. Since I am actually 8 years old, I started cracking up...because only I would get yelled at in broken English by a waitress.

...and this one really takes the cake...

Experience #3: Every Chinese buffet's layout is basically the same. Multiple rows of traditional Chinese food, a row of fruit, a row of horribly-made American food (pizza, fries, etc.), and a soft serve ice cream machine. I, being the 8-year-old I truly am, always get an ice cream cone before leaving. Tonight was no exception. After making myself the perfect vanilla ice cream cone, I wandered over to the table of toppings. What I saw both baffled me and nearly made me pee my pants. Among the bowls of sprinkles, M&M's, and pieces of crumbled Oreo sat a little bowl filled with nothing other than cheeseballs.


After staring in shock for 10-20 seconds, this was my exact reaction while trying to get Jenn's attention:

I'm still confused. Do they think cheeseballs should go on ice cream? Did they want to put all the junky finger foods together? Do they really think I will use the tongs provided to individually pick up the cheeseballs? Are there any other Chinese buffets on the planet that offer customers cheeseballs?

I tried to take a picture of the toppings table with my cell phone before realizing that I had no way of posting the picture online. I will go back with a camera. Oh well. At least I have a legitimate reason to go back and eat four times my body weight in Chinese food now.

Picking some favorites.

I told myself I wouldn't do it. I swore that things would be different this year. I promised I would move on from the devastation of losing someone so special to me and focus my attention elsewhere...on something more productive.

But, that was foolish. Every Wednesday and Thursday, I find myself falling into the same old habits. Yes, I'm still addicted to American Idol.

I've watched the show faithfully every season and I've gotten quite good at picking out early favorites that last awhile. In fact, I fell head over heels in love with Taylor Hicks the first time I heard him sing and play the harmonica (and shout "Soul Patrol!"). I had it in for David Archuleta the instant he auditioned.

So, this year, I've got some early favorites.

For the guys, Casey Abrams.



The instant I heard that delicious scat, I was done. He has already chosen two Ray Charles songs, which instantly melts my heart. What he did tonight with the upright bass? Done and done.

For the girls, Lauren Alaina.



What a beautiful voice. She makes it look so easy. Oh yeah - did I mention she's 15?

VERY close runners-up: Handsome cowboy John Wayne and ridiculously precious Jacee Badeaux.

Who are your favorites this season? Am I the only one still watching obsessively?

Huge Music Bonanza!

First, the weekly Glee-cap.

I know this is a very unpopular opinion, but I have to admit something. Long ago, I was vaccinated against the Bieber fever. I don't love him, his music, his hair, or his dancing. Nothing. I can't do it. I can, however, relate to his fans. I was desperately obsessed with the Backstreet Boys, particularly Brian Littrell. So, at the very least, I get the mayhem. A little.

- TWO songs from Biebs. Ugh. Sam made a pretty convincing Bieber and I did find it pretty funny that everyone, including the guys, was infatuated with his performance of "Baby." But really, Lauren? You want a Bieber, but you don't want Puck? He even felt obligated to put on that horrible wig. During those two songs, I'm pretty sure I was making the same faces as Finn.

- This point is related, but Quinn likes Sam because he's "an artist?" Since when does carbon-copying someone else qualify you as an artist?

+ Rachel is back. The diva-off was amazing. I'm convinced that I'm a closet diva. I'm very shy about singing in public, but I will bring down the house in the shower. Rachel's to-do list in her locker included: 1. Celine Dion's birthday. 2. Friend request Barbra Streisand again. 3. Ann-Margaret in concert. 4. Avatar on Ice audition. Hilarious.

+ Finn's pajamas include a Power Rangers t-shirt. *swoon* Watch that scene again. Sue is wearing something leathery and Schue is wearing a vest.

- Sue's raging temper tantrums aren't funny to me anymore. Neither is the fact that she randomly got named the new coach of Oral Intensity with absolutely no musical training or experience. How many more absurd Sue-hate scenarios can they come up with?

+ The rival group is called Oral Intensity. I dare you not to laugh.

+ I'm glad that Sam finally manned up and broke up with Quinn. Let's just hope that she stays far from Finn. Not sure how I feel about Sam and Santana yet...I do know, however, that I love his James Earl Jones impression.

- Absolutely no Kurt. No Blaine. More useless Emma.

+ So much Finnchel hope. YAYYY!

+ I don't know that last My Chemical Romance song, but I liked it. I also loved the seemingly-unrelated lumberjack outfits. I am pretty certain that the costume designer ventures into my mind every week for outfit ideas. I mean, Rachel has the "sexy schoolgirl, librarian chic" look and Finn is always in plaid or horizontal stripes. Love it.

+ The pediatric cancer ward scene made me cry. Music really is a beautiful thing.

...and speaking of music, I've decided to give you some song suggestions in hopes that you will return the favor!

So, here are the songs on my current playlist (old and new):

"The Dog Days are Over" by Florence + The Machine - Her voice is awesome. This song makes me want to dance and jump around. Best feel good song on this list. Oh yeah - Glee covered it, too.

"Should You Return" by Copeland - Harmony soundgasm. This gives me an Imogen Heap "Hide and Seek" feel at first, but then, gets all beautifully indie. *sigh*

"Wet" by Snoop Dogg - This song is all about the beat. I can't not dance when listening to this. I advise you to ignore the lyrics, but seriously, Snoop is the man.

"Possession" by Sarah McLachlan - Hauntingly beautiful and somehow sexy. Apparently, she wrote this song from the point of view of one of her obsessed fans. I wish I sounded just like her.

"For the Summer" by Ray LaMontagne - Ray has the most beautifully pained voice I've ever heard. This song, which is actually quite happy for him, reminds me of driving with the windows down in Charlottesville.

"Eyes on Fire (Zeds Dead Remix)" by Blue Foundation - Sex. This song exudes pure sex. Let me put it this way. I can't listen to this and look at pictures of Jonathan Toews at the same time.

"Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd - Not only has this been getting recent play for me, but it's one of my favorite songs of all-time. At one point, I could not fall asleep without listening to this first. Definitely one of my favorite guitar solos. Ever.

"Tonight (I'm Loving You)" by Enrique Iglesias ft. Ludacris - More dance madness. This song reminds me of the sweaty and crowded gloriousness that is Brick Street on a Saturday night.

"Let's Get Lost" by Beck and Bat for Lashes - Ignore the fact that this is on a Twilight soundtrack. You won't be disappointed. Very modern feel.

"Jerk It Out" by The Caesars - Old, but still good. This is one of the greatest work out songs ever. Thank you, old school iPod commercials for the introduction.

"Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Trap - Another incredibly modern-sounding song. It faintly reminds me of U2, but it's still very original. It's best known from (500) Days of Summer, but I think I heard it in a Diet Coke commercial recently.

"Closer" by Kings of Leon - Another sex song. Just saying. Add it to that playlist.

"Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise" by The Avett Brothers - I saw them in concert last summer and I didn't know who they were, but I instantly loved this song. Beautifully layered music. They are somehow a combination of folk, bluegrass, punk, and rock.

"A Day in the Life" by The Beatles - Sad lyrics, but beautiful music. I love John Lennon more than I should. I'm instantly reminded of the Beatles' Love Cirque du Soleil show in Vegas. See it if you can! I love to turnnnn youuuuu onnnnn....

So, now it's your turn. Let me know how you feel about my suggestions and please give me some of your own! I can't get enough music.

I make no sense.

Top 5 random thoughts of the night:

1. Last night, during the Grammys, my mom actually asked me if Eminem was Jay-Z. I was completely lost for words. I was also lost for words when I saw John Mayer, clearly stepping in as Johnny Depp's stunt double. Yikes.

2. Not to rag on my mom, but earlier today, when I told her it was Man Meat Monday, she told me I should man-meat Watson. Yes. The robot from the Jeopardy IBM Challenge. I told her that I don't think she understands what Man Meat Monday is yet...

3. But seriously, I am so excited about the IBM Challenge. I am the world's biggest trivia/Jeopardy buff. When I found out about Watson, I actually got the chills. I really want a human to win (preferably Ken), but tonight's episode was so interesting to me. The coolest thing about Watson isn't that he knows what he knows. It's that he knows what he doesn't know...and won't buzz in if he isn't confident in his answer.

My mom even got special Valentine's Day cupcakes.

4. For Valentine's Day, my mom adopted a penguin in my name! His name is Gino (duh) and he lives in the Falkland Islands. Coolest gift ever.

5. I'm very nervous about this. I was on the fence about posting this, but I'm going for it. I must admit - Katy Perry's live performance last night wasn't stellar. So, maybe my live performance, recorded on a low-quality digital camera, will seem okay. I'll be honest - there are a couple rough moments in this. First try. I promise I'm not fishing for excuses, but I also have bronchitis (doctor diagnosed). So, please keep that in mind.

I'm working on Katy Perry's "Not Like the Movies" right now. Maybe I'll post it?

Man Meat Monday #6: Valentine's Day Edition!

Ahhh, yes. Today is the day. The glorious combination of both Valentine's Day and Man Meat Monday. Expectations are high and I'm feeling the pressure.

So, I've decided to do something a little different.

Today, I will allow YOU to choose your own slice of juicy man meat...based on the Valentine's Day cards they have provided for you. Confession: I made these after the Grammys. Why? Because I love my readers so very much.

Let's be honest. We all need some lovin' today.

Warning: All three of these options are still available for future man-meating because they aren't receiving the full, fair treatment.

You are very welcome...and no, I don't have a life.

Option #1

Option #2

Option #3

So, readers: It's your turn. Vote. Vote. Vote. Who is YOUR dream Valentine? I'm going with Tazer on this one.

Don't worry, St. Valentine. I'm feeling nice.

Well, it's nearly Valentine's Day again.

Eight years ago, I helped co-found a Single Girls' Valentine's Dinner with some friends. It was meant to take our minds off of being single, spend time with great friends, eat entirely too much, and flirt shamelessly with even remotely attractive waiters. Eight years later, I haven't missed a single one. Awesome. I admit - I probably shouldn't have attended one of them. However, as a co-founder, I found ways to dodge the rules and went anyway (plus, we weren't officially together and never actually were).

Don't worry. This post isn't going to be an all-out assault on Valentine's Day. I'm not one of those 'stupid holiday, sell cards and flowers, hate my life' girls. Hating Valentine's Day because you're single is like hating Ryan Seacrest for upsetting results on American Idol. It's not his fault. You're looking for a scapegoat. Still not happy with the outcome.

At any rate, I've been contemplating my single-ness for...eight years...and I've decided that being single for eight years is actually a lot like eating from the same gallon of cookie dough ice cream for eight years. Let me explain.

At first, you're content - happy even. The vanilla of your life is filled with chunks of gooey-deliciousness and you're completely happy with those chunks of excitement. You experiment with different things - in a cone, in a bowl, whipped cream, hot fudge, that Reese's hardshell stuff, sprinkles. You love the freedom you have to experiment with different toppings. No one can tell you you can't.

Then, as time goes on, you start to get a little sick of the cookie dough ice cream. You want something bigger, better. Something more serious. You're ready for new things, bigger commitments. In order to forget your ice cream (or in this extended metaphor, your status as a single girl), you try to cram your gallon of ice cream into the deepest, darkest, furthest corner of your mind *cough* freezer. Unfortunately, freezers are small and gallons of ice cream continue to dominate your sub-conscious.

You go to the frozen foods section of your local grocery. You flirt with the idea of having something serious, something for dinner. A bag of tator tots, a frozen pineapple and ham pizza (in this metaphor, these represent another facet of your life - a focus on a career, family, friends). However, you always go back to the nagging feeling you have in your gut. Nothing else will fit in the freezer. The ice cream takes up way too much space. So, you continue to dwell on it.

Unfortunately, in this metaphor, you can't even throw the ice cream away. It's not your choice. You want a new flavor, but none of the flavors seem to agree with your stomach. So, you're stuck - sobbing on the couch, eating the ice cream directly out of the carton. You begin to realize that ice cream is too cold. You want something warm, something adventurous, something - dare I say, sensual in your life. Sometimes, you share the ice cream with your other single friends. Then, suddenly, they've moved on to cake - wedding cake, to be exact. But, you're alone...eating your ice cream and blogging about celebrities.

Eventually, the ice cream has been in the freezer for so long that it begins to grow mold. This, of course, is in direct proportion with the amount of hair on the single girl's legs. What's the point, right? Why shave in February if you're single? In fact, science has given us an equation to explain this phenomenon:

(¼)# of years single = # of inches of leg hair

...and there you have it. So, I've been eating from the same metaphorical gallon of cookie dough ice cream for eight years...and it hasn't tasted good in a long time.

Everyone I know tells me there is a perfect guy out there for me. They tell me to keep waiting. They tell me I deserve the best and that it will work out in the end. I believed them for a long time, but my patience is starting to wear thin. I'm tired of being alone...and at this point, if my perfect man does finally show up, I hope he's lactose intolerant.

By the way, my leg hair isn't two inches long. Don't worry.

Fantasy Land 101.

For some horrible reason, I'm sick again. Luckily, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. At the risk of sounding a little too country, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. So, we'll see what they say.

In other horrific news, Geno got smashed against the boards on Friday during a game against the Sabres. My hopes crumpled alongside his body, writhing in pain on the ice. The following day, an MRI showed that he tore both his ACL and MCL. No big surprise - this was a season-ending injury and he's getting surgery tomorrow.


Of course, Sid is still nursing his little concussed head. He traveled home to Nova Scotia to be with his parents and probably see the new Justin Bieber movie. The Penguins' staff hasn't been giving many updates on his condition. Most reports say he won't be back until March (at best).

So, in my fantasy land, I ran into Sid and here's how our conversation went:

Sid: ...Brittany?

Me: *stopping suddenly and feigning surprise* Oh. Oh hey, Sid. Sorry. I didn't recognize you with your clothes on.

Sid: *nervously* Yeah. It's okay. It's been a while. How have you been?

Me: Well, to be honest, I've been better.

Sid: Yeah. Same here. Things seem...a little...awkward between us. Do you want to grab lunch or something?

Me: Honestly, Sid - the only thing I want to grab with you is your crotch and you haven't been cleared for anything more than light exercise. So, it looks like you're out of luck...unless you want to speed up this healing process a bit.

Sid: This isn't my fault, Brittany. I'm sorry. You know I don't like missing games.

Me: *scoffing* Right. Well, the fans are getting desperate...I'm getting desperate.

Sid: Yeah, speaking of desperate, I heard you've been running around with another young captain...

Me: What am I supposed to do, Sid? Wait around for you to fulfill my raging hockey libido? You've been out of commission since January 5th. What do you expect?

Sid: ...but Toews?! TOEWS?! Come on - anyone but him.

Me: Sorry, Sid. The damage has been done. Multiple times. Could you resist this face?



Didn't think so. Call me when you're back in business.

Valentine's Day Glee-cap!

Yes, fellow gleeks, two episodes in one week! I have so many mixed emotions on this episode. Overall, I thought it was great, but it should be no surprise that I'm a little devastated by some of the relationship drama going down at McKinley. Here's the breakdown:

+ Puck loves Lauren. She's awesome. Apparently, he loves the thicky-thicks...which gives me a tiny chance.

- Puck loves Lauren. Didn't I say a couple months ago that I should have been cast in that role? I mean, really...I could add a little more vocal variety while serving as the hefty, bespectacled girl.

- Finn is cocky. Ugh. I admit - I would have paid $1 for a kiss, but come on! Karofsky called it on Sunday. People's memory for good things lasts as long as their facebook status. Finn will soon be back at slushie status. Maybe the hockey team will achieve celebrity status. Wishful thinking.

+ Kurt and Blaine's first interaction at the coffee shop. So precious. I had that horrible foreboding feeling that Blaine wasn't talking about Kurt, but I, like Kurt, made myself believe they would be in love by episode's end. Apparently, even gay guys are clueless when it comes to feelings.

- Blaine loves the junior manager at the Gap? Really? Not a fan of the hair. For the record, I would be totally okay with getting fired for that. Alas, Blaine is underage for me, too.

- Come on, Puck. Really? I know the Glee crew does a wonderful Queen cover, but "Fat-Bottom Girls?" My soul was aching for Lauren, yet simultaneously yearning for Puckerman.

+ I never thought I would support a couple other than Artie/Tina, but Artie/Brittany and Tina/Mike are growing on me. Especially if Chang is getting down MJ-style and Artie is rocking "PYT."

- Why do the Warblers totally diss Kurt? Don't get me wrong - I love me some Blaine, but give Kurt a solo.

- Not only is Finn cocky, but he's also a hypocrite? Cheating isn't cool. Neither is being a cheating accomplice. Karma = Mono. Also, why are you still into Quinn? She cheated on you and was impregnated by your "best friend."

+ Sassy, over-achieving Rachel is back. Great message for the single ladies with "Firework" at the end. I love her.

- Santana and Sam? Weirdest couple ever, but I guess Santana really does want to hook up with everyone at the school.

+ Shue really does love vests.

- Is it bad that I didn't mind Sue's absence tonight? Not a good sign. The preview with her inclusion for next week didn't even look good to me.

At any rate, solid episode. Focused primarily on the kids and their relationships. I don't know how much longer I can wait for Blurt and Finnchel...

Superbowl Glee-Cap.

After a torturous, nearly two month wait, Glee finally made its glorious return last night. It was even given the coveted spot following the Superbowl. Needless to say, it did not disappoint. I easily over-looked the faults of the episode because I missed the show so much. So, here's my breakdown of last night's episode:

- The "California Girls" performance by the Cheerios. Dumb. At least Sue made the comments about the chicken cutlets, right?

+ I love the notion of combining the football team and the glee club. That might just be because I love singing football players...but seriously, I want Karofsky to be included.

+ I love Karofsky's character. Yes, he's a major jerk. No question about that. Still, I feel so bad for him. He's unbelievably conflicted - expectations and stereotypes are unreal for high schoolers. I'm convinced that many high schoolers can identify with his character - hiding the truth in an effort to seem cool. (Plus, I think he's hot).

- I'm annoyed that high school football is apparently still going on in February? Come on. I live in Ohio and I know that high school football season is over before Christmas. Also, I've never seen a high school team composed of nine players (playing both offense and defense?). Ever. Girls suddenly join the team for the championship? What the? It goes without saying that I've never seen someone in a wheelchair on the line of scrimmage.

+ The "Thriller/Heads Will Roll" compilation was awesome. Santana and Artie sounded perfect together. There is NO possible way that the speaking voice was Finn, though.

- I didn't like the whole human cannon subplot. Sue being outrageous again. Come on, writers. Give her material within reason. Didn't she win an Emmy and Golden Globe for this role? All she needs are hilarious one-liners. She did, however, say that the mom cannon had fibromyalgia and couldn't work. Also, 2:00 ninja poops. Hilarious.

+ The zombie make-up looked awesome. Artie looked terrifying.

+ Puck and Rachel's "Need You Now" duet. Honestly, I don't care what he's singing - as long as he's playing guitar and smiling. Sigh.

+ I'm not entirely sure why, but I loved the "She's Not There" song by the Zombies. I want to hear the real version now.

- I live in a very football-oriented town. Friday night, you knew exactly where everyone would be. Still, we never had signs for individual players...and we certainly didn't have that intense of a halftime performance. No offense color guard. By the way, halftime is nowhere near long enough for players to apply that make-up, perform, and be ready to play the second half.

+ "Bills, Bills, Bills." Strange song choice for an all-boys school, but I liked it. Actually, I just love the Dalton Academy Warblers in general. Blaineeeeee!!

+ "Blaine and I love football. Well, Blaine loves football. I love scarves." I miss you, Kurt.

- Cheesy, unrealistic football miracle. The chances of the QB fumbling were minimal...even with the crowd chanting "Brains." Leave it to Glee to have the feel-good ending. I suppose that's why I love this show. Haha!

+ Katie Couric's cameo was amazing. Sure, it seemed misplaced, but the list of other losers was hysterical. "I hate you, Diane Sawyer."

- BACK OFF, QUINN! Finn belongs to Rachel. Yes, I'm possessive. I live vicariously through her.

...and my favorite part of the episode? The hockey players!! I actually screamed. They had mullets. Patrick Kane and Wayne Gretzky-style mullets. Thank you, Glee gods. I appreciate your humor.

...and here's the best news of all: GLEE IS BACK TOMORROW! See? Good things do come to those who wait.

Man Meat Monday #5

In honor of the long-awaited return of Glee, I've decided to man meat the most attractive piece of fictional man meat I've seen since Chandler Bing.

Fellow gleeks, I give you...

Cory Monteith

Claim to Fame: Actor (Glee)

Birthday: May 11, 1982

I knew I loved him the instant I saw him. Finn Hudson, the virginal, dorky, conflicted high school football player who joins the Glee club. Cory Monteith played him perfectly.

Before auditioning for Glee, Cory had a few small roles in movies and television. Born and raised in Canada, Cory decided to take a chance, move to Los Angeles, and audition for the role of Finn. The first time he ever sang in front of an audience was during that audition - in which he also displayed his drumming talents on Tupperware with pencils serving as makeshift drumsticks.

He's 6'3", has a gorgeous smile, and can seriously rock a pair of thick-rimmed glasses. I'm also in love with his costume designer on the set. In every episode, Finn is either wearing horizontal stripes, plaid flannel, a vest, a letterman jacket, or a football jersey. Perfect. Bonus perk? He loves hockey - not a huge surprise, considering he's Canadian.

Random Tidbit: On the side, Cory plays the drums in an L.A.-based indie rock band called Bonnie Dune.

Only downfall?: He's not actually Finn. Oh yeah - and he dropped out of school in the 9th grade.

...and youtube proves that he cleans up nicely, too. The end is the best part - promise.

So, readers: It's your turn. Would you let Cory "slushie" your face?

Green & Yellow, Green & Yellow! 31-25!

Tonight was my version of Black Friday. My own personal Christmas morning. The ultimate goal. The glorious culmination of the greatest sport on earth. The Superbowl.

Now, I'm no Nostradamus, but I may or may not have predicted a Superbowl appearance by the Packers in September.

Unfortunately for me, I also predicted the Ravens would be the representative for the AFC. Those damn Steelers...

At any rate, the game did not disappoint. Most of the game was spent pacing anxiously in my living room, making pessimistic comments and hiding behind my enormous cheesehead.

Blog-version of the highlight reel: Rodgers looking razor-sharp. TD pass to Nelson, 7-0, Green Bay. *cue the belt celebration* Big Ben throws an ugly interception to Nick Collins, which he returned for a TD. 14-0, Green Bay...and boom goes the dynamite. The Steelers' kicker actually hits a 33-yarder. 14-3. Green Bay had a ghetto fabulous, "Oh hell nah" moment - Rodgers to Jennings. 21-3. Sighs of relief from the Cheeseheads. No team has ever overcome a deficit of more than 10 points to win a Superbowl. Even I allowed myself some breathing room.

Then, suddenly, disaster struck. The Steelers began a nearly-historic comeback when Roethlisberger threw a touchdown to Hines Ward (the bane of my existence). 21-10 at halftime. Battered by injury, the Packers had a rough third quarter. Pittsburgh, 21-17. Who cares how or why? However, man-beast Clay Matthews took charge in the fourth quarter - combining with Ryan Pickett to force a key Mendenhall fumble. Moments later, Rodgers to Jennings (again), 28-17. Roethlisberger answered in his usual way - dancing on some bars, following young girls to the restroom, and making a huge pass to Mike Wallace. 28-25, still Green Bay. My mom expertly captured my exact reaction:

Of course, instead of calming my nerves and easily putting the game away, Green Bay marched down the field for a field goal, not a TD. 31-25, Green Bay with a couple minutes left. Too close for comfort. Nausea. Sweaty palms. Chewing on the cheesehead. Luckily, the Steelers turned the ball over on downs. Aaron Rodgers goes all Mortal Kombat with two "FINISH HIM!" knees. Game. Over.

The Green Bay Packers become the champions of Superbowl XLV and bring the Lombardi trophy back home to Wisconsin for the first time since 1997. Proud big sister moment. In addition, Aaron Rodgers was named MVP (3 TDs, no interceptions) - helping him move even further out of Favre's gloomy, sexting shadow of betrayal. Hooray!

All in all, the game was close to perfect. Dramatic until the very end. I forgot to mention: Midway through the game, the Packers lost their all-time leading receiver Donald Driver and defensive captain Charles Woodson to injury. Why not? Yes, waiter - I'll order another side of adversity, please.

I do wish my brother had been home to watch the game with me. He would have been in his green and yellow glory.

In other news, Christina Aguilera messed up the words in the National Anthem. Yikes. The halftime show performance by the Black Eyed Peas was just what I expected. Techno, light show, choreographed dancers, Fergie sounding awful live. Special appearances by Slash and Usher? Bizarre. What did you guys think of halftime and the commercials?

Originally, I intended on listing my top five favorite commercials, but I really didn't like any of them. Disappointment. The best one? The Doritos finger-licker commercial. Thank you for being creepy, Doritos. I approve.

Tomorrow, Man Meat Monday. Glee-cap on Tuesday. Promise.

One year later.

A year ago today, an incredibly inspirational person was taken from this earth far too early.

On February 5, 2010, Brendan Burke, my fellow classmate at Miami University, and his friend Mark Reedy, were killed in a car crash on a snowy Indiana highway. Although I didn't know him very well, we had had a few classes together (we were both political science majors) and even took the dreaded LSAT together.

I first met Brendan in POL 343 - The American Presidency. He seemed to have absolutely everything going for him. He was smart, handsome, determined, and fearless. His father, Brian Burke, is the general manager for the Toronto Maple Leafs and served as the general manager for the U.S. men's hockey team in the 2010 winter Olympics. Brendan grew up in a hockey-loving family. He played throughout high school and when he got to Miami, he served as a student manager for the Redhawks. He planned on attending law school and working in hockey management.

However, three months before his tragic death, Brendan became the closest person associated with the NHL to come out as openly gay. His coming-out story was covered by newspapers and television alike and started a long-overdue conversation about homophobia in sports, particularly in the traditionally 'macho' sport of hockey. Brendan preached about the importance of acceptance and tolerance in the locker room. He wanted gay athletes to know they weren't alone and that homophobia in sports should not be tolerated under any circumstances.

Since his death, Brendan's story has impacted and inspired many. He had an article written about him in GQ, many NHL and collegiate teams have honored him during games, and Blackhawks' defenseman Brent Sopel spent his day with the Stanley Cup marching in the 2010 Chicago Gay Pride Parade (in honor of Brendan).

Brendan's courage has served as inspiration to many and his family continues his fight against homophobia in sports. Brendan accomplished more in his 21 years than many accomplish in their entire lifetime. I am proud to have met such a tremendous human being and find comfort in knowing that his memory will continue to live on within the athletic community and with the lucky few who knew him.

There has never been an openly gay athlete in any of the U.S.'s big four sports. I hope that Brendan's courage can pave the way for others within the athletic community to be true to themselves. I am ashamed with how our wonderful country has dealt with gay rights (including gay marriage) and homophobia. However, I was incredibly proud to see the recent repeal of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' I'm sure it is the first of many steps in the right direction to come. It won't be easy, but I'm sure we will get there...and when we do, I know Brendan will be watching with a smile.

Oh woe is me?

As you know, it's February. So, I wasn't shocked when I saw the new Valentine's Day commercial from Hallmark. Check it out.

I can't help it. I'm incredibly jealous. In my defense, I'm not overly mopey throughout the entire month of February. I'm actually quite mopey year-round. Ha!

I suppose "mopey" isn't the right word. I realized long ago that I don't need a boyfriend. I don't need a guy to make me feel confident and I don't need one to feel happy or loved. I just want one. There is nothing I want more than to find true love.

It took me a long time to get over my last 'love.' Since him, I've had a crush on a few guys, but I came to a strange realization last night: I haven't had a crush on a real guy (and by real, I mean a non-celebrity) in over a year. Wow. To be fair, I don't crush very easily and it's pretty slim pickings back at home.

At any rate, I feel ready for love. I would love to find a guy who brings out the best in me, pushes me to be a better person, makes me laugh, and shows me that this wait has been worth it.

I suppose the commercial got to me because I'd love to receive a Valentine's Day card from my boyfriend in the middle of a hockey game. Of course, I'd prefer the card to come from someone on the ice.

...and if we're being incredibly picky here, I'd like for him to look like this:

That, by the way, is Jonathan Toews. Don't worry. You'll man meat him later.

LP-isms.

I miss my brother today.

Don't get me wrong. I've missed him every single day since he left, but it's been one of those days - those days where it just hits you like a brick wall. This was the first day that I've really felt his absence.

Tonight, I realized a number of things he would have done had he been here. He would have:

- Made fun of me for crying during American Idol.
- Begged me not to monopolize the TV with the Penguins/Islanders game.
- Called Crosby a few choice words for still being out with his concussion.
- Farted on me and ran away.
- Eaten 25% of the brownies my mom made.
- Squeezed my arm fat (his favorite thing to do).
- Discussed the upcoming Superbowl with me in great detail.
- Confidently predicted a Packers' win.
- Accused me of loving the Steelers (vomit) because I like the Penguins.
- Hugged me roughly 15 times.

...getting closer to April 22nd all the time. So proud of my buddy.

Sidenote: That picture is horrible and five years old. I apologize for subjecting you to it, but it had to be done. It is being used only to demonstrate my long-standing Packers' solidarity with my broski. Can't wait to hear the band-wagoners after their Superbowl win Sunday. Think happy thoughts.

Other sidenote: We had some serious balls that night. We were at a Bengals' home pre-season game. Hecklers had a field day with us, but that's alright...

In the hockey game that is life...

Tolerance.

Lately, I just don't have it...and it's not a good look for me. I feel like Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network. Seriously, that's me when I'm "fighting" with someone. I bust out my big-girl vocabulary and try to insult/out-wit the person in the most intelligent way possible. The only difference? I'm not a genius...and I don't talk nearly that fast.

But, back to my point: I need to work on my tolerance level. I don't know what it is with me lately. Maybe it's Sid and Geno's extended absences from games. Maybe it's the horrific snow and ice storms we've been having. Maybe it's the fact that I can't see my bedroom floor because of all of the clothes. Maybe I miss my brother. Maybe I'm already mourning the end of football season. Maybe I miss college and my friends. Maybe it's because I'm officially nocturnal and I experience sunlight as often as a Cullen. Maybe I'm sick of feeling sick. Maybe it's because my Dad got home from Italy on Monday and is leaving for the Dominican Republic today (jealousy). Maybe I want desperately to find a job and have no idea where to look. Maybe it's all of these things...but really, I need to get a grip.

Tonight, when I saw what Jordan Staal did to Brandon Prust, I heaved a huge sigh of relief. THAT is exactly what I want to do to life right now. I'm tired of life, elbowing me in the face, and I'm tempted to throw a dirty punch.



...but then, I realized that not only did Staalsy get a five-minute major penalty, he got a match penalty. That's right. The referees deemed him to be 'too dangerous' to continue in the game and he was thrown out for its remainder...and tomorrow's game, too.

So, in this extended metaphor, I'm Jordan. All of my complaints are Prust. Fittingly, life is the hockey game. Sure, Prust is being a bitch - tossing an elbow up haphazardly, making Jordan's task a bit complicated. Sure, it feels satisfying to retaliate in dramatic fashion and see Prust writhe around on the ground like a snail under a salt shaker. However, what I need to remember is that I could easily get kicked out of the game at any moment...whether it be by match penalty or injury. In the end, is it worth all the frustration...and the harsh retaliation? No.

I need to bite my tongue. I need to take a few deep breaths. I need to write it out. I need to leave Lebanon for a hot minute. But, most of all, I need to QUIT complaining.

...and I most definitely shouldn't be throwing any left hooks.

*I apologize for the poor analogy. I realize it's a stretch, but what I really wanted to do was provide some perspective on life's complications while showing you how much of a man Jordan Staal is.*