Let me start by saying this: I’m a hopeless romantic who has
always stated that all I want in this life is to love fiercely and be loved
equally. I stand firmly by that statement, but for the longest time,
I genuinely believed that the instant I found a loving boyfriend, all the rest
of my problems would vanish.
This line of thinking is troubling for several reasons.
First, I’m a rational thinker, a logical person. Why I
thought the addition of a singular human being to my life would eradicate all
my other grievances is beyond me. What does a boyfriend have to do with struggling
to pay for groceries, getting over my phobia of flu shots, accidental car
wrecks, or the DVR not recording Cupcake Wars? Absolutely nothing.
Second, I spent so much energy focusing on my love life (or
lack thereof) that it’s no wonder I had other problems. Even in hindsight, I
don’t blame myself for wanting to meet the right guy, wanting to fall head-over-heels
in love, and having that love be reciprocated. I don’t blame that often lonely,
perpetually-single or mistreated version of myself for wanting true love when seemingly
the rest of the world had already found it. But, if I’m being completely honest
(and this isn’t easy to admit), I worried about it and cried about it…way. too.
much.
Finally, I’ve realized that you can’t find answers in someone
else. The cure to all of your emotional ailments - heartache, disappointment,
sadness, anger, frustration – ultimately lies within you and how you choose to
deal with things.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m currently the happiest I’ve
ever been. The moment Wheat walks through the door after work is the best part
of my day and I’m thankful for his wit, his smile, his hugs, and his heart
every single day. In a lot of ways, I was right. He was worth every heart break,
every “just friends” response, every tear, and every second of the wait.
Finding true, reciprocated love is everything I wanted it to be and so much more…
But, girls (and guys), I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t
solve every problem. You’ll still apply for jobs you won’t get. You’ll still
gain ten pounds and hate dragging yourself to the gym. You’ll still cry because
you miss your mom and your best friend. You’ll still stub your toe, somehow
burn pancakes, and struggle to keep in touch with friends. You get the picture.
Yes, it’s nice to have someone who loves you and wants to
help you through that stuff (and in another moment of honesty, I can truly say
that Wheat does more than his fair share of the heavy-lifting in my life…and
no, that is not a fat joke). But long before I had Wheat to tell me he loved me, I had my
best friend, my sister, my brother, and my parents to tell me. They were the
unpaid therapists in my life, listening to me complain, making calls on my behalf, sticking
up for me, and putting up with me unconditionally. They still do.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is you control how you
deal with things - not your boyfriend, your best friend, your mom, or your
mailman. My problems haven’t magically disappeared just because I’m madly in love.
Neither will yours. You might have someone to hold your hand through it, but
you probably already have that somewhere in your life.
Working on yourself and trying to be a better version of
yourself is the best way to make things happen. I know it seems strange, but
the only way to get rid of the bad in your life is to focus on the good and try
to be better. Easier said than done, I know.
The instant I decided to focus on myself, follow my dreams,
and work toward the life I wanted, things started to change for me. I left my
parents’ house in a complete funk, disappointed in myself and completely lost.
I moved to a new city where I knew almost no one, started graduate school, and
thrust myself into something completely unfamiliar, in hopes that I’d find out
I liked it. Luckily, I did.
The longer I worked at it, the more independent, motivated,
happy, and healthy I felt. Taking charge of my situation didn’t fix all of my problems,
but it certainly kick-started the process.
So, after years of crying over the wrong guys and desperately wanting
to find the right one, I decided to focus on me. I decided to make myself a
priority and worry about things that were actually under my control. And just
when I finally started to feel better about myself, I met Wheat.
Coincidence? I think not.
But the same concept still applies. I always remind myself that it's not Wheat's job to fix my life (although he often does). I'm still in charge of my own happiness and the better I feel about myself, the better he feels and the better we are together.
So, Brittany (and others), stop looking to others for answers. You've likely got them right in front of you.
