Philosophy at 3:00 AM

Today, I received this e-mail from Virginia Law Admissions:

Ms. Johnson,

Thank you for your patience during our wait list process. Our class has now enrolled completely full and thus we are unable to offer you a place in the entering class.

We have received approximately 7,900 nonresident applications and 675 resident applications for the 350 seats in the entering class. This was the most difficult year on record in which to gain admission to Virginia Law.

I hope you excuse the informality of this communication, but I thought you would appreciate speed over formality at this point in the season. In addition, we are communicating almost exclusively via email now in an attempt to reduce our reliance on paper.

I sincerely appreciate your interest in Virginia Law and wish you the very best of success in your legal education and professional career.

Sincerely,

Jason Wu Trujillo '01
Senior Assistant Dean for Admissions

I must admit that I saw this coming from a mile away. Months ago, they told me that they have made offers to students the day before classes start (today). They also told me that, throughout the summer, they would be widdling down the wait list. I lasted until today.

I know that this is something to be proud of. I know I should feel proud that I made it on the wait list, let alone that I stayed on it until the last possible day. Annually, UVA is ranked in the top 10 best law schools in the country (I'm talking Harvard status here). I should feel honored to have been considered.

Still, I can't help but feel disappointed in myself. I don't handle failure well. Why? Because I really don't let myself fail. I can think of only two other 'failures' in my academic life - I got a C in calculus 3rd quarter of senior year and I wasn't satisfied with my LSAT score. Other than that, I've always been content with everything I've done.

I'm not even upset about not going to UVA. In fact, I had already made up my mind that if I got a call in the last two weeks of the summer, I would decline. I don't think I'm quite ready for law school. It's so much work and I'm not committed enough make it out alive, let alone actually succeed. So, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. I don't necessarily believe in everything happens for a reason, but I do believe that positives can be found in everything.

At any rate, I'm having a tough time accepting rejection. I start to consider all of the 'what ifs.' What if I had turned my application in before the week it was due? What if I had done more community service? What if I had done even more LSAT practice or taken it twice? What if I had more work experience listed on my resume? No one is perfect and I certainly know I'm not. Still, I have extremely high expectations of myself and I work very hard to meet them. I'm the girl who puts her B's in the front of her folder to remind herself to work harder next time. Although I procrastinate, I pull all-nighters to perfect a paper or study a little longer. My determination and will to succeed is almost scary. That's me. I'm not the girl who gets denied acceptance - not even to a tier one law school.

But, maybe I am. Maybe this is the start of a new me. A me who isn't consumed by academics, constantly worried about others' opinions, and drowning in unrealistic expectations. Don't get me wrong - I will always push myself to succeed. I set high goals for myself because I know I'm capable of being great. I refuse to be anything less.

...but, maybe it's time to challenge myself in other ways. Maybe it's time to take a step away from academics for the first time and improve the other facets of my life. God knows I need help in plenty of other departments. Maybe I've been afraid to work on something else because I've gotten so comfortable as a student. I've become the perfect student. Maybe it's time to strive for perfection somewhere else.

So, friends, here's to turning bad news into something good and more importantly, here's to making me a better person - not just a better student.