Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.

If you know me at all, then you definitely know about my love thing for Michael Phelps (who I have affectionately nicknamed Phelpsy-Poo). Tonight, I was finally able to watch the Pan-Pacs and I came to a few conclusions. If you like swimming, here they are:

• Phelps is out of shape. *Side note: If his body is 'out of shape,' I'm at a loss for words.* This also sounds absolutely absurd because he won five events. He took gold in the 100 and 200 fly and participated in three gold-winning relays. Still, my boy is struggling. He admitted that he hasn't been training hard (or often) enough. He didn't seem happy with either of his individual event times and he even dropped out of the 200 IM. Yikes.

• Why hasn't he been training? Maybe he's been spending too much time with his girlfriend. That's right, America. His girlfriend. Nicole Johnson, Miss California 2010. Let me elicit a big old Snooki "WAHHHH!!!" It was painful to watch the Pan-Pacs because they showed her as often as they show Debbie Phelps, his famously-shocked mom, during the Olympics. Barf. At least he got the last name right. I need to tell him my name is Brittany, not Nicole.

• At any rate, if anyone is providing Phelpsy with the motivation he needs to pick up the training, it's Ryan Lochte. The man is a monster. He certainly looked like the most dominant male swimmer of the summer and has the times to prove it. If anyone is going to give Phelps a run for his money, it's his close buddy with the pothead-like demeanor and surfer-boy attitude. I'm not complaining. A little friendly competition is going to do wonders for the sport. Lochte's tired of losing to Phelps and Phelps isn't happy with his new-found losses to Ryan. Maybe it's the shoes...



• ALERT! You heard it here first. Swimmer to watch for London 2012 (besides the obvious Lochte)? Nathan Adrian. The dominant American sprinter and my newest swimming crush. Don't worry - Phelpsy is my #1, but if he's with Nicole, I need someone to tide me over for a bit. That burden has fallen squarely on the shoulders of 21-year-old Nathan Adrian, a student at the University of California (where he has held a 4.0 GPA for the last two years). Sex. He even made an appearance on Mythbusters last year. I might be the only girl in the world that finds that attractive, but at least he got someone interested. It also helps that he dwarfs Phelps when standing near him. The guy is 6'6" and 220 lbs...and as you know, Mama likes big boys. (God, I'm a creep)

It's clear that I miss swimming. I can't wait for Worlds next summer or the London Olympics. I wish it were more of a mainstream sport. I could watch it for hours. Oh wait - I already do.