Clearly, I'm auditioning for an after-school special.

It's getting heavy tonight:

There are few things in this life that bother me more than vices used as self-medication.

People often ask me why I don't drink. Before I was 21, many assumed I would start once I hit the magic drinking age. Although I am usually a law-abiding citizen, this certainly was not the reason I chose to avoid alcohol in high school and the first years of college. In fact, I always found it moronic that on November 30, 2008, I wasn't old enough to drink, but the very next day I could. I know everyone is different, but my maturity level plateaued in the 8th grade.

My reasons were (and still are) the following:

• I hate being vulnerable and not having complete control over my actions, words, ability to keep myself from drooling, etc.
• I don't need alcohol to open up, relax, or have fun.
• I cannot imagine forgetting something that happened the night before.
• I have seen plenty of drunk idiots...and even worse, I've seen smart people make stupid decisions while drunk.
• Along those same lines, I've seen what alcohol can do to relationships and how it affects a family.
• I don't ever want to sound stupid.
• I don't have the money to spend on alcohol.
• With the exception of a few girly drinks, I don't like the taste. Plus, I still prefer Dr. Pepper over the few I do like.
• I don't like the feeling 'a buzz' gives you...and I've never had more than that.
• I'm ridiculous enough as it is. I can't imagine a drunk me.

Although this isn't a reason necessarily, it is also a nice perk to know that I will always be straight enough to care for my friends and make sure they get home safely.

So, my 21st birthday came and went...and I stayed alcohol-free. Although I've had some things to drink, I've never smoked anything. Not a cigarette, cigar, pot, etc.

If you know me at all, this isn't for lack of company or availability. I am constantly surrounded by drinkers and cigarette and pot smokers. I have genuinely never had any interest in it. Ever.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not against any of it. I've seen my friends have some of the best nights of their lives while drinking, smoking, or both. I am strongly opposed to the government trying to tell me what I can and can't do. For this reason, I'm pro-choice, I'm an advocate of same-sex marriage, and I think marijuana should be legalized. (It helps, of course, that I have no religious complications with these issues either)

Still, I have made the choice (and will probably continue) to live my life alcohol- and drug-free.

That being said, I don't think alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, or food should be used as a crutch. They shouldn't be used as a form of self-medication.

It seems all too easy for me to say that. I'm not in the habit of using these things, nor am I dependent on them. I understand that addiction is a real thing and it's easier said than done to quit them. Still, it makes me incredibly sad when people I know and love turn to these things to deal with their problems.

I have watched friends and family drink away problems every night after work. I have watched them go outside for a smoke to relax. I have watched them attempt to numb themselves enough to forget reality...or, at the very least, lessen the pain of dealing with it. I've watched friends ignore problems until they are drunk enough to bring them up. In many of these cases, these coping mechanisms become such an integral part of their life and their daily routine that they start to define that person as a whole.

I know for a fact that a person is strong enough to deal with their problems without these things. I have plenty of issues, fears, obligations, etc. and I never cope by abusing these substances. I don't need to self-medicate every night in order to feel better about myself and my situation. There are healthier ways to deal with things.

I don't care how cheesy this sounds. It's true.

The only thing you need to appropriately deal with your issues (besides some courage) is love and support. It doesn't matter where you find this love. For many, it comes from their relationship with God and the strength that their faith provides them. For others, it comes from family and friends. In some cases, it comes from complete strangers - therapists, counselors on a suicide hotline, fellow addicts at an AA meeting. Everyone has someone who cares.

It took me awhile to learn this. I used to bottle up my emotions and wallow in my sadness. While in public, I would pretend everything was okay. This came back to haunt me once I was alone (or, unfortunately for her, with Jenn). I would physically hurt myself. I would break down, scream, pull my hair out, cry, and, occasionally, cut myself. Anything to release the pain. For awhile, it felt like it worked. I was horribly wrong.

Weeks later, I would still be dealing with the same problems, the same frustrations, the same insecurities, and a few new scars. That coping mechanism didn't help me cope at all - it just served as a breaking point after I bottled my emotions up for weeks at a time. Slowly, I came to learn that the only way to deal with my issues was to face them myself and talk to people...people who care about me.

I am luckier than most because my love and support comes from a multitude of places. For me, it comes from my wonderful parents who I know would love me no matter what. It also comes from Jamie and L.P. who would support any choice I make. It comes from Jenn, the best friend anyone could ever ask for, who sacrifices sleep, work outs, or relaxation time daily to listen and support me. It comes from a Facebook thread with Morgan and Sib. It comes from mass texts to Derailed. Since I'm better at writing than speaking, it comes from writing in this journal.

There are healthy ways to deal with unfair situations, stress, anger, and sadness. You don't have to turn yourself over to addiction. You don't need to depend on alcohol, drugs, or nicotine to relieve yourself. If you choose to use these substances for recreational purposes (even if that is every single day), that's your choice...and I completely respect that. It just pains me to see people turn to these things as a last resort or as a coping mechanism.

So, here I will make a vow. If you are reading this and need someone to listen, I am here. I can't promise ground-breaking advice, but I can promise attention, an open mind, and support. I may not be able to relate at all, but I am a good listener...and a pretty good hugger, too. Sometimes, that's all you need. I know because I've been there.

Told you. Shit got real.