Man Meat Monday #10: Part 3

I had every intention of writing about the California part of my vacation today, but then fate intervened. Well, a combination of fate, Twitter, and my supreme stalking skills.

Last night was one of those rare nights when you wake up the next morning and think, "Really? That could not have actually happened."

Yesterday morning, the Columbus Blue Jackets (@BlueJacketsNHL) tweeted that they were practicing and doing "team-building exercises" in Oxford, home of my alma mater Miami University. They also mentioned they had another practice at Goggin today. After not too much convincing, Jenn agreed to go with me (because when doesn't she want to be at Miami?).


Picture courtesy of the Columbus Blue Jackets

When we got there, we picked up CJ and headed straight to Brick Street - the place to be any day of the week in Oxford. Mondays at Brick Street happen to be karaoke night. Jenn went to dinner with a co-worker while CJ and I caught up. About an hour into our conversation, the Columbus Blue Jackets, in their entirety, walked in the front door and filed upstairs to SkyBox. I couldn't help but notice that Rick Nash was fulfilling my lumberjack fantasies by wearing a flannel button-up. After stuffing my tongue back in my mouth and wiping the drool off the table, CJ and I continued our conversation.

However, I kept a close watch on SkyBox. I couldn't see any of the players (they were sitting at the bar in the back), but I could see a bouncer at the top of the stairs. Over the course of an hour, I watched him systematically turn away almost every group of students who tried to enter SkyBox with the exception of three: One large group of guys and two small groups of stereotypical, pretty Miami girls.

After a bit, Jenn joined us at Brick Street. Being the amazing best friends they are, it didn't take long for Jenn and CJ to notice my anxiety. I was torn between my overwhelming desire to sprint upstairs and the absolute terror of being denied entry by the bouncer. After thinking about it for a minute, I realized that I will probably never be in the same bar with an entire NHL team ever again.

As one could only assume, the motivational speech from Miracle came to mind: "Great moments are born from great opportunity. That's what I have here tonight. That's what I've earned here tonight."

So, after a quick test-run by Jenn and CJ (did I mention how much I love them?), we ventured upstairs, right past the bouncer, like we belonged there. Mission accomplished. Once we reached our post, I scanned my surroundings and nearly passed out. SkyBox was full of the Columbus Blue Jackets and the Miami hockey team (currently ranked #1 by USA Today and USA Hockey Magazine). They were ALL there. Rick Nash was talking to Jeff Carter at the bar. RJ Umberger was talking to someone I don't know. Antoine Vermette was on his phone in the corner. Steve Mason was talking up a group of Miami girls. I was dead.

Jenn and CJ, on the other hand, could not have cared less. They behaved as normal - CJ dancing on tables and Jenn cat-calling and buying shots (which they toasted loudly to "Rick Nashty and Sexy Carter!").

I had my camera, but I was terrified to take pictures. I didn't want to get kicked out of a party that I wasn't really invited to...in front of an entire NHL team. However, at one point, a more than slightly inebriated Steve Mason ventured behind us to turn on a fan. It took him quite awhile to figure it out, so once he did, he gave us all high fives. So, I pounced on the opportunity and said something ultra cool and impressive: "Umm...are you Steve Mason?" He smiled, said yes, shook my hand, and asked my name. He asked CJ if she was a waitress at 45 East, then told her that it must have been her twin. Somehow, Jenn had the presence of mind to capture this on her phone, albeit blurry and dark.


One shot of Patrón, multiple beers, and seven borderline blackouts for me (this might be the only scenario in which the non-drinker is the one blacking out), we deemed it the appropriate time to leave. This may or may not have been because I spotted Rick Nash and Jeff Carter walking downstairs.

So, we made our way outside and sure enough, Rick, Jeff, and five other Blue Jackets were outside. Awkwardly, I handed Jenn my camera because I knew she'd ask for a picture. (She is what I strive to be.) With the confidence of Ryan Gosling strolling into a sorority house, Jenn walked straight up to Rick Nash, clad in his sexy flannel, and asked for a picture. He looked super awkward about it, but obliged.

Jeff Carter offered to take the picture. I looked straight at him and said, "No. I want you in the picture." The rest of the guys laughed (and I felt like a jerk for excluding them). Then, Mr. Carter, possibly in his attempt at humor, looked right at me with a straight face and said, "Oh, I don't play." Clearly, he had no idea who he was dealing with.

I wanted to say, "Yes, you do. You played for the Flyers, so for a few years, I hated you. Then, you got traded to the Blue Jackets and threw a fit." Instead, I went with, "Yes, you do. You're Jeff Carter." He kept a completely straight face, but the rest of the guys laughed. Hard. Unfortunately, he didn't get in the picture.

So, we awkwardly ambled over to the lumberjack of my dreams for a picture taken by Blue Jacket defenseman Aaron Johnson (who had a pretty nasty black eye). After taking the picture, he pretended to throw my camera, laughed hysterically, then asked, "You don't want a picture with big daddy?"


We made our way to the car with me trying to breathe normally and Jenn and CJ laughing and yelling players' names. As we drove away, the Blue Jackets' bus arrived to pick them up for the night.

Ultimately, I decided to forgo the practice at Goggin this morning. I figured nothing could top last night. Plus, I don't want Rick Nash filing a restraining order against me.

Overall, last night was simultaneously awesome and awkward. If it weren't for the encouragement of two of my best friends, I would be punching myself today. How in the world did I get so lucky?