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So, I'm finally home from glorious New York City. Unfortunately, I missed my very first Man Meat Monday, but I must say - it was well worth it. So, here is the vacation synopsis (more for memory's sake than anything else):

Thursday, Mom, Dad, and I arrived in New York early. We took a cab from LaGuardia downtown. However, the cab driver had to let us out early because of road closures due to the HUGE St. Patrick's Day parade. So, we dragged our luggage through the massive crowds and watched about an hour of the parade before finally crossing 5th Avenue.

After checking into the hotel, Mom and I walked around Rockefeller Plaza, went into the NBC and Lego stores, watched more of the parade in front of St. Patrick's Cathedral, and made fun of the ridiculously drunk high schoolers stumbling around with 'water bottles.'

That night, we went to dinner with our family friends (Massimo, Sidney, Cliff, and Sid) at Basso56, a nice Italian restaurant. I had burrata (delicious mozzarella cheese wrapped in prosciutto) and fettucini alfredo. Yum. After dinner, we walked around Times Square for some people-watching. Times Square is so overwhelming and incredible. It truly does seem like the center of the universe.

Friday, Mom and I picked up some Chipotle and ate it on the stairs in Times Square.

The weather was perfect, so we made our way to Central Park to relax for a bit. We talked, pet dogs, watched people ice skate in inches of water (it was 70º and sunny), and took pictures. Oh yeah - a bird also pooped on my mom's neck. Hilarious.

We explored FAO Schwarz, where we played on the piano from BIG, posed with Lego statues, and saw a $25,000 foosball table made with Barbies. That night, we took the subway to Madison Square Garden and scalped two tickets for the Rangers vs. Canadiens game that night. However, we were quickly told by security that the tickets we spent $140 on were counterfeit tickets. I was livid. We found the scalpers, who had changed clothes already. They were being chewed out by another couple they had scammed. The cops were notified, but they told us they couldn't do anything about it because buying scalped tickets is illegal. I told them that this never happens in Ohio and one of them actually said, "Welcome to New York." Dejected, we made our way back to Rockefeller Plaza, where we watched ice skaters rock out to a DJ and ate dinner. I did, however, find ginger Staal first.

Saturday, we went to Vision Expo, my dad's reason for our trip and the largest optical event in the U.S. Since Mom and I have little to no interest in the optical industry, we waited in line to meet my main dog, Randy Jackson. As the line got shorter and shorter, my mom's heart rate got higher and higher. Apparently, she has a crush on Randy? At any rate, we got a picture taken (which I will post when I get it) and I had a brief conversation with him...since my mom was passing out. It went like this:

Me: Are you allowed to tell me who your favorite is this season?

Randy: No, I'm not, but I do think a guy will win this year. There are a couple of good guys and a couple of good girls. (Very ground-breaking news, I know)

Me (literally grabbing his arm): I am in love with Casey.

Randy: Aww, me too, man! I'm a bassist, so we have that in common.

Suddenly, a security guard was dragging me away, so I quickly thanked him, picked my mom off the floor, and made my way. He was incredibly approachable, very nice, and actually seemed interested to talk to me. Randy = The best American Idol judge...not just because Steven Tyler is high out of his mind and J.Lo pumps rainbows up the contestants' asses.

As we were leaving the convention, we noticed that another celebrity was signing autographs - Chord Overstreet (Sam from Glee)!! I admit - I would have been MUCH happier to see Finn or Puck, but I was excited, nevertheless. He seemed like he hated his life. He wasn't even smiling in pictures and he kept checking his watch. I guess I don't blame him. However, when I got to him, I told him that his James Earl Jones impression was hilarious and he actually laughed and shook his head. Oh, trouty mouth. I'll post that picture when I get it, too.

After Vision Expo, we went to the NHL store where I held a mini-Stanley Cup, took pictures of giant Sidney Crosby posters, bought a Jordan Staal shirt, and climaxed multiple times.

After about 45 minutes, my mom finally persuaded me out of the store with the promise of food. We went to Carmine's, another Italian restaurant, in the theater district. We ate with 15 of my dad's business friends, including an incredibly attractive Italian named Federico who I kept suggestively smiling at...but to no avail. He spoke no English, but honestly, love has no language, right? No wonder I'm single.

After dinner, some of us were led by Massimo and Federico to a tiny bar that was throwing a Mardi Gras-themed party. After paying a $10 cover, we also learned that it was singles' networking party, so that was interesting...considering I was with my mom...and ten other married people over the age of 35. Nevertheless, Ke$ha was playing, so I broke it down to the best of my ability, received beads from men twice my age, and shielded my mom from the desperate men flocking toward her. Still no luck with Federico, but I did get a goodbye kiss on the cheek. Thank you, European tradition.

Sunday, Mom and I went on the NBC Studio Tour in 30 Rock. The guides taught us about the history of NBC and showed us the studios where The Dr. Oz Show and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon are recorded. My personal favorite part? I got to see the Saturday Night Live studio! I'm a huge fan of the show and got so excited when I saw the three stages in person. It was awesome to picture my favorite skits being recorded in there - Will Ferrell, John Belushi, Chris Farley, Andy Samberg, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Adam Sandler, Chevy Chase, Dan Akroyd, etc. I will go to a live taping someday.

After the tour, we went to Vision Expo in hopes of meeting Snooki. Unfortunately, the line was too long, but I did snap some pictures of America's favorite guidette for Jenn.

From there, we took a cab to SoHo to check into our next hotel. We ate lunch at a Mexican restaurant before wandering around Greenwich Village for a couple hours. Greenwich Village is an amazing place. It is so upscale, yet maintains its bohemian aura. You can easily imagine Bob Dylan performing songs on the street or Jack Kerouac writing in a cafe. We walked past countless boutiques and waited in a line out the door for the famous Magnolia Bakery. Seriously, if I can't have Mr. Big, an awesome career, or an apartment in the Upper East Side, I will at least have Carrie's red velvet cheesecake cupcakes.

That night, mom and I went to the Comedy Cellar, a hilarious, cozy comedy club. We didn't have reservations, but luckily, we got tickets on stand-by. All of the comedians were hilarious. I can't remember all of their names, but I do remember Colin Quinn (SNL), Kyle Grooms, Neal Brennan (co-creater of Chappelle's Show), and Keith Robinson (The Wanda Sykes Show). It was hilarious and I HIGHLY recommend going to the Comedy Cellar if you are ever in Greenwich Village.

Monday, it was cold and raining, so our plans were changed a bit. We walked to Little Italy for lunch (I had mushroom pizza - Italian overload). Then, we walked around Chinatown, but we quickly got tired of the rain and decided to head to the airport early. Ugh. During our layover in Philadelphia, I ate my first REAL Philly Cheesesteak (and crab fries) at Chickie's and Pete's while watching the Penguins play the Redwings on TV. Perfection.

...and now, I'm home. Back in southwestern Ohio. No, I'm not complaining. It's just a fact. New York City is so much cooler than Cincinnati.

...even if NY scalpers crush your dreams and rip you off.