Happy Birthday, Jenn!

Roughly 13 years ago, I approached the girl who I deemed to be the coolest in my fourth grade class (based on her matching sweatshirt/sweatpants combos, of course) and presented her with a contract. It read:

I, (print full name here), solemnly swear to be Brittany Lynn Johnson's best friend from this day forward. I am fully aware of the job hazards and obligations thereby presented to me and choose to accept this daunting mission, nevertheless.

Effective immediately, I promise to:

- Share an equal love of the Backstreet Boys

- Support her through her "wiccan" phase and insist that a tie and black lipstick are, indeed, a good look for her

- Aid and abet in any stalking adventures for current crushes (celebrity or civilian)

- Hug her daily, even though I have severe personal space issues

- Befriend her equally-bizarre family

- Listen to her complain every single day until death

- Shower her with an inordinate amount of attention

- Put up with her myriad of accents, including but not limited to her baby voice and Marvin the Martian impression

- Accept endless apologies after completely unfair arguments that she instantly regrets

- Be her housemate for at least four years

- Endure her endless chastisement for my tendencies toward alcohol consumption, glitter, and general debauchery

- Endure at least one full year's worth of rambling about celebrity crushes

- Literally save her life in her darkest moments

- Lose precious sleep to keep her company

- Feign interest in the intricacies of both football and ice hockey

- See DMB enough times live that concert expenses could probably have paid for a nice, used car

- Pick her up on the side of the road when she deserved nothing more than the long walk home

- Ensure her that she did not fail that test and withhold the "I told you so" when grades are received

- Immediately delete her browser history and update her blog in the event of her death

- Assure her that she is not, in fact, afflicted by any number of illnesses, diseases, cancers, etc.

- Attend every choir concert that involves her/listen to her sing and play the piano

- Get dinner with her way too many times a week

- Compliment her endlessly when she gets upset

- Comment on each blog post that she publishes

I agree to the following conditions, however hazardous to my own health and sanity.

(Sign name here)

For some crazy reason, she signed it.

This, of course, didn't happen, but do you want to know the beautiful thing about my best friend, Jenn? She would have signed it, anyway.

I love you so much, Jenn. You have made me a better person for knowing you. Happy 23rd birthday and here's to another 50 birthdays together!