In Russia, hockey puck shoots YOU!

The Reds lost their first play-off game against the Phillies today, 4-0. Want some more bad news? Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay pitched a no-hitter, making him only the second pitcher in history to do so in a post-season game. Awesome. Glad we could help make someone's dreams come true. Vomit.

In happier news, the Penguins play another Philadelphia team tomorrow in their season opener. It will also be the first game ever played at the new Consol Energy Center. GO PENS!

I decided to join a hockey fantasy league. After the autodraft, I ended up with a number of players, including Rick Nash, Jaroslav Halak, Dan Boyle, and...my Russian sex slave boyfriend, Evgeni Malkin.

I'm convinced that if I passed both Crosby and Malkin on the street and had absolutely no clue who they were, I would be 100 times more attracted to Malkin. He has that big, somewhat confused, oafish aura that I find so appealing.



Even after hearing them talk, I'd probably choose Malkin. Sure, he's incredibly hard to understand, sounds like an ex-member of the Russian mob, and doesn't understand English slang or sarcasm yet...but he's on his way. At least he seems to have more personality than Crosby. Sid has about as much enthusiasm and spunk in interviews as Ben Stein.

Seriously, I want to marry Malkin, travel back and forth between our homes in the US and Russia, and have three gorgeous bilingual babies. I'm not even opposed to giving them Russian names like Oksana, Svetlana, Viktor, or Aleksey. I do, however, draw the line at Olga.

Also, if you were wondering if I print-screened youtube videos to get those pictures, the answer is yes. If you weren't wondering that, then forget I said anything. ;)