Man Meat Monday #10: Part 2

I have a new idea for Man Meat Monday.

If I ever come into close contact with a previous Man Meat Monday honoree, I will do a Part 2 post about said honoree that describes the intimate, sexy details of our interaction.

…and by intimate, sexy details, I mean my blushing, stuttering, and drooling and their kind acceptance of my absurd behavior.

Of my 26 specific Man Meat honorees, I have met three of them: G. Love (at the Chicago DMB Caravan), Brian Urlacher (at an autograph convention in Chicago), and Friday night, I had the privilege of meeting the gorgeous captain of the Blue Jackets and the ultimate commander of my recent fantasies, Rick Nash.

Friday, the Columbus Blue Jackets held their first annual CBJ FanFest. Initially, I was on the fence about going. I’m definitely a big fan of the Blue Jackets, but Nationwide Arena is an hour and a half away and I had no one to go with me. Then, I learned that Rick Nash would be there. Decision made.

I forced talked my mom into going with me and we set out for Columbus. We decided to get there an hour before the doors opened to ensure a good spot in line to meet Mr. Nash. When we arrived, I was shocked to learn that we were at the back of a very, very long line. True to form, I instantly started to panic. I even denied a volunteer who was giving out CBJ temporary tattoos.

After an hour of whining to my mom waiting in line, the doors finally opened. I knew where Nash would be (Upper Concourse Section 215/216), so we made our way to the escalator…which was running in the opposite direction. So, in my most athletic feat in over a year, I sprinted up the stairs. Lots of them.

When we reached the top, we quickly realized two things: 1. The escalator was now running in the proper direction and 2. The line in front of Rick’s autograph table was somehow longer than the one at Toys-R-Us on Black Friday. Rick was only signing autographs for one hour before moving to a photo station, so I was beyond convinced that we wouldn’t make it. Commence the whining.

FanFest volunteers were distributing a limited number of tickets to those in line that would guarantee an autograph. I couldn’t even see the volunteers for a long time. As they moved further and further along the line, I saw the stack of tickets become thinner and thinner. I felt like throwing up. With a huge sigh of relief, I received the fourth to last ticket.

As the line slowly inched forward, I noticed that Rick Nash’s doppelganger was standing five people in front of me. Seriously, if I saw this guy at a bar in Columbus, I would have bet my life it was him. Then, I would have stared at him until he left and then, I would have nonchalantly followed him home. Apparently, the FanFest volunteers agreed with me because they made him pose with Rick for a picture.


Finally, it was my turn with Rick.

I handed him my jersey and suavely said the only thing that came to mind: Hi.

He looked at me, smiled that gorgeous smile, and said, “Hi. How are you doing?”

I wanted to say, “Perfect now.” Instead, I replied, “I’m good. How are you?”


To be completely honest, I didn’t even hear his answer. The sound of all the blood rushing to my face totally drowned out any other sound or coherent thought. He handed back my jersey and I thanked him before completely walking past the other Blue Jacket signing autographs at the table (Dane Byers) without so much as a glance. Oops.


After regaining consciousness, I made my way down to the Club Level to check out the Richard Trophy, the trophy awarded annually to the leading goal scorer in the NHL (Nash won it in 2004). It somehow didn’t occur to me to take a picture of it (IDIOT), but I got really excited to see the other names carved alongside Nash’s – Stamkos, Iginla, Ovechkin, and CROSBY.

Nash was scheduled to pose for pictures with the trophy and fans, but again, the line was unreal. In fact, they had completely run out of tickets. After ten minutes of persuasion, I convinced my mom to stand in line with me, anyway. Just in case. It totally paid off.

I got my picture taken with Rick Nash and the Richard Trophy. The Blue Jackets made me promise I wouldn’t post the picture on any websites, so I can’t. I do, however, have the candid shot my mom took. I look absolutely horrible, but I can point out, this is the only time in my life where Rick Nash will be looking at me and I won’t be looking at him.


But seriously, I got to stand next to his flawless, 6’4” body, he put his arm around me, and smiled at me again. I also noticed he was wearing flip-flops. This time, he told me, “Thanks for coming.” I tried my hardest not to respond, “That's what she said” or "Oh, no. I have you to thank for that."

So, as you can see, CBJ FanFest was a huge success. All I need is an autograph from Sid to complete my naughty Canadian dream team. I feel like such a traitor, but I would have done some pretty illegal things to be in that locker room.


Hockey season starts in 24 days. Oh, come on. I know you're excited.

UPDATE: I got permission from the photographer. BRITT NASHTY!


He asked me if we could do the Prom pose. I told him that would be inappropriate in front of everyone else.