I apologize to the non-Penguins fans (in other words, 100% of my readers)

This is how I imagine conversation going in the Penguins' locker room after the win tonight:


Pascal Dupuis: ...and the honorary game shovel goes to 1st star of the game...SID!

*applause and cheering*

Sid's mustache: This is BULLSHIT.

Coach Dan Bylsma: Ummm...what was that?

Sid (whispering): Shut up!

Bylsma: No, seriously. What was that?

The 'stache: It was me. I'm not going to hide anymore. I need to speak up.

*Sid rolls his eyes*

The 'stache: Not only is this the first time I've ever grown in fully, but I need to take some of the credit for this 25-game point streak. I mean, really. There's a reason he hasn't gotten rid of me yet.

Geno: Because him score?

The 'stache: That's right. I'm issuing a new policy - everytime that Sid scores a goal, I should get an assist.

Sid: That's ridiculous. I don't need you. I won the Cup with only half of you. By the way, thanks for making me look like a prepubescent boy the last two play-off runs. I scored the Olympic goal without any sign of you at all.

The 'stache: Well, this is the longest point streak of your career. I should at least be named 2nd star of the game.

Bylsma: I'm sorry, 'stache. You aren't on the roster. You can't be named any star of the game if you aren't on the roster. Maybe next season, if you're still around, we can sign you and give you a starting spot on the team.

Geno: New season, new team?

Bylsma: That's right, Geno.

Sid: HA! Yeah right. More like - New streak, new 'stache. I don't like your attitude.

The 'stache: Like I said - BULLSHIT.

Dupuis: ...I thought that's what was on your upper lip...

Clearly, it's after 5:00 AM and I'm a bit slap-happy. Hey! Maybe I should submit my skit to Saturday Night Live as a prospective writer? I just watched three episodes and I'm convinced my material rivals their current stuff.

Ouch.