It was one of those big, ugly fights where you scream things that you instantly regret and slam doors that you wish you could unslam. Tears streamed down my face, swear words were exchanged, and frustrated sighs filled the uncomfortable silence that followed in the tight confines of the car ride back to Indianapolis.
One day earlier, we checked out wedding reception venues with the help of my parents and best friend, hand-in-hand and more in love than ever. We settled on one that we both love and celebrated with frozen custard and a bonfire in my charming hometown.
Then yesterday, all of that happiness was frittered away with each nasty word that escaped from my lips. I wish I could say that the fight was understandable. Instead, some ridiculous combination of two vicious head colds, my chronic pain and discomfort, his unrelenting work schedule, and a spilled bowl of bean soup in the backseat of my car led to an explosion of epic proportions.
As I sat in the backseat of the car for the final 15 miles of the drive (childish much?), we exchanged tearful apologies and meaningful glances in the rear-view mirror. I reached forward to hold his shoulders as he drove, desperately needing some sort of physical contact as a reassurance he was still there, as a reassurance I hadn't finally pushed him away.
Since I met Wheat, I've been afraid of pushing him away. Not intentionally, but with the ugly part of my personality - the part that obsesses over tiny things, the hypochondriac part, the selfish side. I never wanted him to see the raw part of me, the one that lets the snot drip down my face as I sob and scream, the one that hurls objects across the room in frustration. But eventually, I did, in part because we live together and I couldn't hide it, but also because I wanted him to know every part of me. And as he has in every other aspect of our life together, he surprised me by loving me even more fiercely, by holding me while I cried, and by picking up my broken pieces.
After our shouting match on Sunday, we sat in silence for a whole five minutes before making up. Unlike in most of my other relationships, I feel absolute regret in the wake of our arguments. Instead of being angry at him, I feel a desperate need to right my wrongs. Grudges aren't even considered. No hostility or secret resentments remain. It's a beautiful kind of fight because the instant it begins, we want it to end.
...and it always does, with us hand-in-hand and more in love than ever.
This happens to the best of couples here and there, and I'm glad you two made up. Sometimes a good ugly cry is all you need. I'm glad you two are so in love and can forgive each other for whatever was said :)
ReplyDeleteAs I read this, I felt like I could have written the exact same thing. Amazing how well you encapsulate both or our emotions. I love you so much and am so comforted by the fact that nothing can come between us.
ReplyDeleteOh I've been there. Aaron doesn't call me fireball for nothing lol I think a good, ugly fight is to be expected from time to time. Sometimes they're just ridiculous and we end up laughing about it and other times we actually come to some important realizations and changes we need to make. We always have the same end goal in mind though and come out stronger than before :-)
ReplyDeleteOh man, fights can be the absolute worst. It is so awesome to want to fix things, though, like you guys do! I have a stubborn side and I am so lucky I married a man who won't let me be stubborn and is such a great example to me of how important it is to swallow my pride!
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Candace
Lovely Little Rants
We all fight and I think when you can be vulnerable like that in front of the other person and they still love you, you know you have a good catch. Just always make sure you guys are communicating how you feel to each other, while trying to be as kind and thoughtful as possible. Nobody has mastered it, but when you work hard on your relationship together over the years, nothing is more fulfilling in life. I can say that after almost 6 years of marriage and 7 of being together, it had the potential to get better and better! Much love :)
ReplyDeletethrough the good times *and* the bad, right? i think working through tough things can be just as wonderful for a relationship as making happy memories and enjoying good times -- helps you see how committed you both are, and lets you work on growing together as a couple <3
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