Morose, Mournful Man Meat Monday

If you watch The Walking Dead (or plan on watching the entire series at some point) and haven't seen this week's episode yet, STOP READING NOW!



What can I even say?

RIP Shane Walsh (2010-2012)



'Devastated' sums it up pretty well. Everyone in America, besides me, hated Shane. They thought he was an insane, selfish, merciless murderer. I, on the other hand, found him to be the perfect man and sex symbol during the zombie apocalypse.

Seriously. On an emotional level, I sympathized with Shane and constantly tried to rationalize his actions, even during his craziest moments. Killing Otis? To save Carl. Attacking Rick? He wanted the best for Lori, Carl, and potentially his unborn child. You have to admit - Rick doesn't always make the best decisions for the group. His hesitation and humanist compassion have put the group in compromising situations in the past (ex. searching aimlessly for Sophia, taking Carl on the hunt, etc.).

Shane, however, is willing to do the dirty work for the greater good (ex. get the zombies out of the barn, sacrifice someone to protect the rest). From an evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense that I want Shane. The primitive desires to survive, to procreate and reproduce, are hardwired in my psyche and the inner workings of my anatomy. These basic human instincts push me toward tall guys, big guys, thick guys, strong guys, masculine, rough-around-the-edges guys, guys with deep voices, guys who will do whatever to survive. If I could only have one guy in The Walking Dead group protect me, I'm picking Shane every time. It's not my fault. I blame science.

Of course, I admit he was unraveling near the end, but be honest with the dark side of yourself. It was so sexy. He was a bit of a loose cannon, but it made him unpredictable, primal, and bad...and delicious. When he faced his demons and shaved his head in the mirror, post-Otis sacrifice? It was like a box of doughnuts at a Weight Watchers meeting. You don't want to do it, but resistance is futile.



So, after a little bit of this...



...and this...



...I bid a reluctant, tearful farewell to my favorite character on my favorite TV show. I will miss Jon Bernthal's incredible, believable acting. I will miss the intense drama and unpredictability Shane provided on the show...and obviously, I'll miss that nose. Those eyes. That voice. That crotch grab. That raging masculinity. Those abs. That rugged charm.

Let's be honest. The zombie apocalypse is survival of the fittest...and I think we all know which cast member was the fittest.