Olympic Euphoria.

It has taken me a couple days to digest all the craziness of the Olympics so far.

If you already think I'm crazy, just stop here.

I have been living and breathing Olympic coverage. I turn the TV on and six hours later, I find myself watching Greece battle Croatia in water polo. I track it online for live results, I watch the primetime coverage, I curse the execs at NBC for postponing the footage, I cry at emotional athletes and every other commercial, but mostly, I drool.

Some incredible things have happened in the first week of the games. Swimming world records have fallen, a local girl won the first American gold in judo, the US women's gymnastics team took the first team gold since 1996, the US men's basketball team decimated the single game point record, Gabby Douglas made me cry like a maniac, a 38-year-old American cyclist won her second consecutive gold medal, and Danell Leyva blew my mind by battling back for the bronze in the men's all-around, being so attractive while also being born in 1991 (I'm officially old), and looking exactly like a white/Cuban Drake.

But, let's be real. I'm here to talk about swimmers.

My boy (yes, MY boy), Michael Phelps, has become the most-decorated Olympian of all-time...and then some. Tonight, he placed first in the 200m IM, beating his fellow countryman and America's new golden boy, Ryan Lochte, and earning him his 20th Olympic medal (and 16th gold). Sweet, sweet victory.

I could not be happier for him. I keep hoping he'll get bored and come back for Rio in 2016, but he sounds pretty certain in his retirement. So, I'll cherish these two final events and save the crying for later.

The good news? The world of US swimming has plenty of candidates for new favorites. I decided on Nathan Adrian LONG ago. Check out my Man Meat Monday on him and his response to it.

Yes, America. I told Nathan Adrian that I wanted to lick honey off of him and he thanked me for it. Classy girls - 0. Blogger creeps - 1.

Nathan just won his first individual gold medal by beating world record holder Cesar Cielo and pre-race favorite James Magnussen in the 100m free. So, I'd like to cordially invite all the Olympic bandwagon fans to the Nathan Adrian love-train I've been conducting for a couple years now. Join me! There's plenty of room.

Seriously, I think I custom ordered Nathan Adrian. He's huge, incredibly smart, funny, athletic, humble, professional, and well-spoken. I might press charges against him for aiding and abetting in the creation of my unrealistic expectations for men. No single human being should possess so many positive qualities. Good thing he's so hideous - he can't have it all. Right?

My god. I laugh to keep from crying, folks.