I like sports and I don't care who knows.

My sports life is a disaster. A complete disaster. Let me explain.

Last night, I went to the Reds vs. Mets game with Mr. Koenig, Kelly, and Drew. Don't get me wrong: It's always fun to spend the evening at Great American Ballpark. It does, however, make it a little tougher to enjoy when the good guys lose, 8-2. They lost again today, which means the Mets swept us. The hunt for a REDS October is getting more and more difficult by the day...

Now, football. The end of the NFL lockout has been accompanied with a frenzy of trades, free agency discussions, and, as usual, disappointment for Bengals' fans. First, QB Carson Palmer is giving me headaches, even after his retirement. Mike Brown insists on punishing him and refuses to trade him. So, instead of getting something beneficial (like some draft picks) out of our big flop of a quarterback, we get nothing. Nothing. His replacement? Former Raider QB Bruce Gradkowski. Although his record isn't very strong, he does have a good work ethic, knows Jay Gruden's offensive scheme, and will be a good role model for our new franchise QB Andy Dalton.

In other Bengals' news, fan favorite Chad Ochocinco was traded to the New England Patriots. I suppose I saw this coming in a way. Chad has always had a friendly relationship with Bill Belichick and has wanted to leave Cincinnati for quite a while. With TO, Carson, and Chad gone, the Bengals seem to be starting over offensively. Fine by me - I gave up on our old offense long ago. I can't wait to see AJ Green in action.

...and I've decided on my preseason Super Bowl picks. Last year, I correctly predicted the Super Bowl winner, so the pressure is on. NEW YORK JETS vs. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES. Eagles take it all.

JETS. Rex Ryan has the right attitude, his players want to play well for him. The potential backfield of Darrelle Revis and Nnamdi Asomugha is unstoppable. With an incredible O-line centered by Nick Mangold, all the pressure lies on Mark Sanchez. If he has a strong season, the Jets are going all the way.

Other AFC teams I like: New England Patriots - You cannot count out Tom Brady. Baltimore Ravens - They're mad about last year. Look out.

EAGLES. Andy Reid's west coast offense seemed to be getting a lot of things right last year. After the Kevin Kolb disaster, Mike Vick proved to the world that he's back in a huge way. DeSean Jackson, Jeremy Maclin, and Brent Celek round out a strong offense. Oh yeah - the already-impressive defense added Oregon grad Casey Matthews (Clay's brother).

Other NFC teams I like: Green Bay Packers - Super Bowl champs with an incredible amount of returning talent. Atlanta Falcons - They looked great last year and Matt Ryan is my dream QB for the Bengals.

I would love, love, LOVE the Bears to make a playoff run. Urlacher, although still tremendously talented, is getting up there in age. He deserves a Super Bowl ring before he retires. DO IT, LOVIE!

...and finally, swimming. I belong to the very small portion of the country who follow US swimming in non-Olympic years. I also have an embarrassing, stalker-like crush on Michael Phelps. Last year, I was shocked and disappointed with Michael's performance in the Pan-Pacs - he failed to qualify for one final and dropped out of another. Phenom Ryan Lochte was already establishing himself as the best male swimmer in the country. Phelps, who is always too hard on himself, admitted that he needed to work harder. So, this week's results at the Swimming World Championships aren't too surprising.

Again, Ryan Lochte walked away with a world record in the 200-meter IM, the first world record set since the banning of those crazy swimming, fish suits two years ago. For Americans, Lochte is perfect news - amazing, young talent, scary work ethic, California-surfer boy-like attitude, and absolutely GORGEOUS. For Phelps fans, Lochte is scary. He signals the end of the Michael Phelps era, which was coming to an end, anyway. Phelps announced years ago that 2012 would be his last Olympics, but the prospect of him not going out on top upsets me. He has a LOT of work ahead of him before London...or we will be seeing him, standing a bit lower than Lochte on the podium.

Americans also left Worlds with a bronze in the 4x100 relay, finishing behind Australia and France. Ugh. Keep an eye on Australia's 20-year-old James Magnussen. He is a serious force to be reckoned with. Other notables to learn before 2012? Nathan Adrian and Rebecca Soni.

So, until London 2012, you can find me in my room, making nightly sacrifices to my 'Phelps Phan' poster and suppressing my enormous crush on Lochte and his new haircut (sans locks). Tasty slice of future man meat. I'm so sorry, Michael.