An ounce of realism in movies.

There is absolutely no denying that I'm a movie buff. I love everything about them. In my opinion, there is no better way to escape from reality for a couple hours.

That being said, I often find myself pondering the unrealistic nature of some movie endings. You know - that moment when everything miraculously comes together for the perfectly forced 'happily ever after' moment. I've always wanted to write a completely realistic screenplay - one that people could relate to because...well, it'd be real. However, on second thought, I realized that no one would like that movie.

People watch movies for a number of reasons, but one of the main reasons is because most movies have a perfect ending. She finds prince charming. He saves the president's life. The underdog football team wins the big game. I'll admit it - I'm a sucker for a happy ending. Sometimes, however, these endings frustrate me.

So, I thought I would write some more realistic endings for movies that ended a little too perfectly. Enjoy.

The Sandlot - When Scotty Smalls and Benny 'the Jet' Rodriguez help "The Beast" escape from under the enormous fence that has fallen on him, the rabid dog doesn't have a change of heart. Instead, he darts out from under the fence and bites Benny on his throwing arm, a wound that requires 24 stitches and a rabies shot. Of course, Benny's parents threaten to sue old Mr. Mertle and, as a result, "The Beast" is euthanized. Angry about his injury, Benny bans Smalls from the sandlot for the rest of eternity, condemning him to a socially awkward life filled with nothing but homework and erector sets.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory - After Wonka throws his fit about Charlie and Grandpa Joe stealing a sip of the Fizzy Lifting Drink, he kicks them out of the factory. Terrified by what he has seen, Charlie leaves without returning the everlasting gobstopper. Grandpa Joe immediately goes to the authorities, where he details the ugly truth about William Wonka - he is responsible for the untimely death of four children. He is also found guilty of breaking a number of employment laws - he has forced slave labor from an entire race of people and the work environment in the candy factory falls far short of federal safety regulations. Shortly thereafter, Wonka is apprehended and sentenced to life in prison.

Titanic - After finding the floating wall panel that can only sustain one person's weight, Jack and Rose decide unselfishly to take turns lying on it. Unfortunately, this effort is futile: both suffer from severe hypothermia and die. (Either way, the necklace ends up on the seafloor)

Grease - After Sandy drastically changes her appearance and squeezes her way into the iconic black outfit, Danny decides that he wants someone else. Sandy was fun for the summer, but with graduation approaching, he knows a relationship is pointless...especially with someone who is pretending to be someone else in a desperate attempt to please him. Sandy is left at the fair, crying and clearly in the middle of an identity crisis. Rizzo admits to Kenickie that she is, in fact, pregnant. He promptly leaves her to raise the child on her own in a small town of judging eyes. (At least this avoids the cheesy flying car scene)

Never Been Kissed - After waiting until the clock expires for Sam to show up and sweep her off her feet, Josie stands on the baseball field, dejected and humiliated in front of the entire town. Depressed and alone, Josie swears men off altogether and becomes an alcoholic. After submitting multiple cynical, anti-male articles laced with expletives and death threats, she is fired from her job at the Chicago Sun-Times and hired at a local bar. During her tenure there, she creates a popular new cocktail that consists of Jose Cuervo, melted butter, and chili powder - a drink she calls the "Josie Grossie."

2012 - The world actually does end. No survivors. Not even John Cusack.

The Lion King - After Scar convinces Simba that he is responsible for the death of his father, Simba runs away in shame. He escapes the hyenas that Scar sends to kill him and collapses in the desert, starving and exhausted. Upon waking up, Simba runs across a meerkat and a particularly juicy-looking warthog. Although the duo seem to be singing a happy song, Simba is overtaken by his immense hunger and eats both animals. Meanwhile, Rafiki calls Scar a dick, summons the ghost of Mufasa to haunt the new tyrant, and leaves Pride Rock in search of other baby lions to dangle dangerously over the edge of a cliff.

How very Michael Jackson of Rafiki.

See what I mean? I can't imagine any of these would do very well in the box office.