Life in the fast lane.

Guess what, guys.

While I took my sweet time writing these Spain recaps, life kept on truckin' and a lot more things happened. I mean, a lot. Wheat and I just got home from a dreamy weekend trip to Denver, but before I launch into that, here is a quick recap of the last couple months.

Jenn took me to Columbus to see My Favorite Murder live. For those who don't know, MFM is a podcast where two comedians (Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark) tell true crime/murder stories to each other. Somehow, Jenn lucked into tickets in the second row(!) and we had an absolute blast listening to them discuss the "Angel of Death" Donald Harvey and the Circleville Letter Writer at the Palace Theater. We also used the trip as an opportunity to see TJ and Tasha, get Jeni's ice cream, and meet Todd for delicious pizza at Paulie Gee's. Dream scenario.

Wheat and I celebrated Valentine's Day at White Castle. When every day feels like Valentine's Day, it's not a big deal how you celebrate. So this year, we made reservations at White Castle and it might just become an annual tradition. Every booth in the dimly lit dining room had a tablecloth, fake candle, and flowers. Waiters actually took your order at the table from menus with specialty items like chocolate-covered strawberry shakes. Our food was served with silverware and the bill came out in a Valentine's Day card signed by the staff. Perfectly cheesy.

Plays and events galore. In the last couple months, Wheat and I have seen Beautiful: The Carole King Musical at Clowes Memorial Hall, Les Miserables at the Murat, and a moderated conversation with my queen Michelle Obama at Bankers Life Fieldhouse. All were incredible - need I say more?

We spent a couple wonderful weekends in Ohio during which I had an amazing girls' night in Over-the-Rhine with Jamie, Jenn, Elizabeth, and Kelly. We had alcoholic ice cream at Buzzed Bull Creamery, played some video games at 16 Bit, ate amazing gourmet hot dogs at Senate (the one below is the Lindsay Lohan), and played Yahtzee at Rook. My heart feels so full when I spend time with those girls. We also babysat Scarlett and got lunch at Little River Cafe with my mom and brother.

We took a quick trip to Nashville to see Wheat's parents...and by quick, I mean 24 hours. We stayed with some family friends, attended some other family friends' party, checked out the 12South neighborhood, and ate some barbecue, of course.

...and other things, too. The Eagles won the Super Bowl and March Madness broke our hearts and brackets. Jenn and Kenzie stayed the night with us on their way to St. Louis and we got pedicures and played the Sims. The weather pretended to warm up, then snowed, then warmed up, then snowed. Music competition reality shows nearly drove me into the ground with the return of The Voice and American Idol. Wheat and I met Jason Douglas (Tobin from The Walking Dead) at an Indy Fuel hockey game and he gave us a restaurant suggestion for our trip to Atlanta this summer.

It's been a lot, but it's also been really, really good. I hope this life never slows down.

Jerry Pope Lachey and more bachelorette fun.

After the surprising appearance of the JJ Watt cake, my tame bridal shower spontaneously combusted into a full-fledged bachelorette party. Mere moments after regaining my composure, I was informed that a male stripper had been hired for the occasion. Complete and utter shock doesn't accurately describe my reaction, but this picture does a pretty good job:

A few guests left early to avoid the show, but most girls stuck around for the hour-long 'performance,' which took place in front of my mother...at 3:00 PM...in the living room of the house where I was raised. So, I can check that off my bucket list. The stripper, who we mistakenly called Jerry Pope all evening, actually had a brief cameo in Magic Mike XXL. His role, however, was not as a male stripper, but as a guest at the pool party that opens the film. Unbeknownst to me at the time, this was highly indicative of his stripping ability.

After setting up his equipment (a boom box and a strobe light), he strolled out dressed as a police officer and took the next few minutes to slowly undress and accost me in various ways I'm sure you can imagine. Fortunately for me (and unfortunately for them), his routine heavily included all the other girls, so I spent most of the show laughing hysterically as he gyrated on their faces and poured more sweat than I thought was humanly possible without suffering a heat stroke.

You know the feeling you get when you watch Magic Mike and Channing Tatum is dancing to Ginuwine's "Pony" or Matt Bomer is singing D'Angelo's "Untitled (How Does It Feel)?" Imagine the opposite of that. In fact, imagine that a drunk stranger at the bar is shaking his crotch at your group of friends and nodding suggestively. That's what it was, but with way fewer clothes and concerning phrases like, "Hold still. I'm going to use your body as leverage." In other words, it was hilarious. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm really so glad it happened...because memories. Precious, precious memories with most of my favorite girls.

Also, have any females ever had a stripper encounter that wasn't hilariously awkward? I've realized that this is a major difference between men and women - men hire strippers for sexual fulfillment/intrigue while women hire them for comedic purposes. Unless the stripper is Joe Manganiello, of course. I've since been informed that the stripper was hired as cosmic retribution for years of posting Man Meat Mondays on this blog, to which I respond, "I understand."

Once the group picture was taken (I will not post many pictures of the show on this blog because a) I've learned my lesson about sharing too much here, and b) my wonderful friends are respectable people - school teachers, lawyers, managers, etc.), Jerry packed up and sped away in his Jeep Wrangler. Due to Jenn's loaded schedule, we had no time to waste and promptly jumped in cars and headed downtown for the night. My incredible friends had split the cost of a two-floor penthouse suite at Garfield Suites, so we spent some time relaxing, enjoying the view of the city from the balcony, and changing before the game. I also opened up even more gifts from them - these of the bachelorette variety - before heading to Tin Roof for dinner.

After delicious nachos dinner, we found our seats at Great American Ballpark for the Reds vs. Diamondbacks game. The Reds ended up losing, 11-7, but we left in the sixth inning to get ready for the night. One highlight of the game: A man named Cletus scanned our tickets and Jenn refers to Wheat as 'Kleetus.' We rushed back to the hotel to get dolled up, then walked to Lachey's, the sports bar owned by Nick and Drew Lachey (of 98º fame), in Over-the-Rhine.

First of all, I really loved the bar. The DJ played great music (and took requests!) and the vibe was excellent for a Saturday night. Our spot, which was reserved in advance, made me feel like an absolute rock star. There were bottles of rum, vodka, and mixers on two side tables while an enormous vat of buffalo chicken dip and chips served as the centerpiece of our roped-off area. Honestly, the night was perfect, even though our personal waitress informed us that we had missed Nick Lachey by "a couple minutes." We laughed for hours, whipped and nae naed, wobbled, and fended off clingy guys. Have I mentioned how gorgeous my friends are?

My favorite part of the night, however, was completing a picture scavenger hunt devised by CJ. Over the course of the evening, we made a human pyramid, posed with a bouncer, asked random guys to flex, posed in O-H-I-O form, tracked down other bachelor/bachelorette parties, and competed against complete strangers in a Chinese Typewriter dance-off, among other things. It was a blast and I'm so happy to have these special memories in picture (and video) form.

I'm actually still processing the day (hence why it took me so long to recap) and how lucky I am to have so many incredible people in my life. Chances are you're one of them, so you should probably reward yourself with a YouTube break and watch those videos I linked to up there. You deserve it. Trust me.

Happy Fishday, Wheat!

This weekend, we celebrated one of the best days of the year. No, not the release of Magic Mike XXL. That's today, silly. The other best day of the year...

Sunday was Wheat's birthday and he wanted to spend it in Cincinnati with my family...because don't all guys want to spend their birthday with the in-laws? He's a dream, folks. A dream that deserves to be celebrated 365 days a year. That's my personal goal, anyway. Make Wheat feel special and loved every single day.

Thanks to a Fever game on Friday night, we had a very short weekend at home, but we definitely made the most of it. We slept in, enjoyed the culinary workings of my dad, played Scattergories, and spent time with my parents, my brother, and his girlfriend. Wheat finally got his eyes tested and picked out a couple pairs of glasses, we nabbed a couple bikes from my dad, and we ate embarrassing amounts of Oreo ice cream cake.

On his actual birthday, I took Wheat to the Newport Aquarium for some fish-gazing. It was pretty crowded, but we loved some of the unique exhibits. We saw two white alligators, Mighty Mike (at 14 feet and 800 pounds, he's the largest alligator outside of Florida), several shark rays, an otter, penguins, panther chameleons, and Thunder, a snapping turtle over 100 years old. We pet some sharks and turtles in the touch pool and enjoyed the overhead view in the Surrounded by Sharks exhibit.

Our favorite part, however, was the Shark Bridge, a 75-foot rope bridge that lets you walk inches above the open-air shark tank. I'm pretty terrified of sharks (and once bit my dad so hard on the Jaws ride at Universal Studios that he bled), so this was definitely more exhilaration than I'm used to on a Sunday afternoon. I loved looking down and seeing the hammerheads, shark rays, sting rays, and other sharks swim right below me. We may or may not have done the walk twice. Okay, we did.

After the aquarium, we walked around Newport for a bit, wandering in and out of shops and people-watching. The city is currently decorated for the All-Star Game that will be hosted by the Reds later this month, so I was a little trigger happy with my camera. Since we can't make it to the All-Star Game, Home Run Derby, or the FanFest, I will count this as checking out the festivities on my bucket list.

Eventually, we made our way across the bridge to check out the Cincinnati side and Smale Riverfront Park. I can't believe how much renovation has been done to the riverfront area in the last couple years. As a kid, I remember going to Reds and Bengals games and wondering why our downtown area was so much emptier than other cities, but that is no longer a problem. Between the bars and restaurants at the Banks, the riverfront park, and the other new additions between the two stadiums, the entire area has been revitalized - just in time for the national spotlight to be on the city. I used to make fun of the downtown area, but now I'm so unbelievably proud to call this my hometown.

Reds-themed mustache statues and signs have been strategically set up around town in preparation for the All-Star Game. The Scripps Center has been decorated to look like Mr. Redlegs (the mascot) with a pillbox hat and mustache. Aside from the adorable decorations, the park was filled with gorgeous flowers, a splash pad, very modern playgrounds, and even a carousel. You could easily spend an entire day lounging in the grass, watching the boats pass by on the Ohio River, and listening to the musicians play for spare change. On this beautiful afternoon, it was pretty freaking dreamy.

...and just like that, it was over. We ate dinner at home, watched True Detective, strapped our new bikes to the back of my car, and headed back to Indy. Fortunately, Wheat's birthday presents from me (dinner reservations and concert tickets) will span the entire month of July, so we'll be celebrating for weeks to come. Not that we needed much of an excuse...