Jerry Pope Lachey and more bachelorette fun.

After the surprising appearance of the JJ Watt cake, my tame bridal shower spontaneously combusted into a full-fledged bachelorette party. Mere moments after regaining my composure, I was informed that a male stripper had been hired for the occasion. Complete and utter shock doesn't accurately describe my reaction, but this picture does a pretty good job:

A few guests left early to avoid the show, but most girls stuck around for the hour-long 'performance,' which took place in front of my mother...at 3:00 PM...in the living room of the house where I was raised. So, I can check that off my bucket list. The stripper, who we mistakenly called Jerry Pope all evening, actually had a brief cameo in Magic Mike XXL. His role, however, was not as a male stripper, but as a guest at the pool party that opens the film. Unbeknownst to me at the time, this was highly indicative of his stripping ability.

After setting up his equipment (a boom box and a strobe light), he strolled out dressed as a police officer and took the next few minutes to slowly undress and accost me in various ways I'm sure you can imagine. Fortunately for me (and unfortunately for them), his routine heavily included all the other girls, so I spent most of the show laughing hysterically as he gyrated on their faces and poured more sweat than I thought was humanly possible without suffering a heat stroke.

You know the feeling you get when you watch Magic Mike and Channing Tatum is dancing to Ginuwine's "Pony" or Matt Bomer is singing D'Angelo's "Untitled (How Does It Feel)?" Imagine the opposite of that. In fact, imagine that a drunk stranger at the bar is shaking his crotch at your group of friends and nodding suggestively. That's what it was, but with way fewer clothes and concerning phrases like, "Hold still. I'm going to use your body as leverage." In other words, it was hilarious. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm really so glad it happened...because memories. Precious, precious memories with most of my favorite girls.

Also, have any females ever had a stripper encounter that wasn't hilariously awkward? I've realized that this is a major difference between men and women - men hire strippers for sexual fulfillment/intrigue while women hire them for comedic purposes. Unless the stripper is Joe Manganiello, of course. I've since been informed that the stripper was hired as cosmic retribution for years of posting Man Meat Mondays on this blog, to which I respond, "I understand."

Once the group picture was taken (I will not post many pictures of the show on this blog because a) I've learned my lesson about sharing too much here, and b) my wonderful friends are respectable people - school teachers, lawyers, managers, etc.), Jerry packed up and sped away in his Jeep Wrangler. Due to Jenn's loaded schedule, we had no time to waste and promptly jumped in cars and headed downtown for the night. My incredible friends had split the cost of a two-floor penthouse suite at Garfield Suites, so we spent some time relaxing, enjoying the view of the city from the balcony, and changing before the game. I also opened up even more gifts from them - these of the bachelorette variety - before heading to Tin Roof for dinner.

After delicious nachos dinner, we found our seats at Great American Ballpark for the Reds vs. Diamondbacks game. The Reds ended up losing, 11-7, but we left in the sixth inning to get ready for the night. One highlight of the game: A man named Cletus scanned our tickets and Jenn refers to Wheat as 'Kleetus.' We rushed back to the hotel to get dolled up, then walked to Lachey's, the sports bar owned by Nick and Drew Lachey (of 98º fame), in Over-the-Rhine.

First of all, I really loved the bar. The DJ played great music (and took requests!) and the vibe was excellent for a Saturday night. Our spot, which was reserved in advance, made me feel like an absolute rock star. There were bottles of rum, vodka, and mixers on two side tables while an enormous vat of buffalo chicken dip and chips served as the centerpiece of our roped-off area. Honestly, the night was perfect, even though our personal waitress informed us that we had missed Nick Lachey by "a couple minutes." We laughed for hours, whipped and nae naed, wobbled, and fended off clingy guys. Have I mentioned how gorgeous my friends are?

My favorite part of the night, however, was completing a picture scavenger hunt devised by CJ. Over the course of the evening, we made a human pyramid, posed with a bouncer, asked random guys to flex, posed in O-H-I-O form, tracked down other bachelor/bachelorette parties, and competed against complete strangers in a Chinese Typewriter dance-off, among other things. It was a blast and I'm so happy to have these special memories in picture (and video) form.

I'm actually still processing the day (hence why it took me so long to recap) and how lucky I am to have so many incredible people in my life. Chances are you're one of them, so you should probably reward yourself with a YouTube break and watch those videos I linked to up there. You deserve it. Trust me.