Getting Help.

Like the rest of the world, I was completely shocked and heartbroken by the loss of Robin Williams on Monday. As I pored over his impressive body of work, I kept repeating, "Oh, yeah!" as I reminded myself how many times he made me laugh, cry, and think over the years. Every person my age has a personal childhood connection with Aladdin, Hook, Jumanji, or Mrs. Doubtfire, but it wasn't until I was a little older that I truly appreciated his acting ability in serious roles. Good Will Hunting, Dead Poets Society, and Patch Adams shook me to my core. They left me in that rare, post-cinematic stupor, that temporary paralysis that only truly meaningful movies can induce - the kind where you actually feel parts of your personality or attitude permanently shifting due to the contents of the film.

When I heard the horrible news of his passing, I was instantly upset. When I heard first mention of the word 'suicide,' I was gutted.

I didn't set out for this post, this tribute to one of everyone's favorite actors, to become a public service announcement. There are plenty of those right now, written by influential people who are far more gifted with words than myself. Still, I feel a sense of personal responsibility to say this: Depression is real.

Not only is it real, but it also knows no bounds. It affects people who seemingly have no reason to be depressed - people surrounded by supportive family and friends, people with roofs over their heads and food on the table, people with little reason to complain beyond daily traffic or annoying coworkers.

Depression isn't a choice, either. No one chooses to be miserable. No one likes to feel alone, lost, sad, frustrated, self-loathing, or worst of all, completely numb. No one decides to feel exhausted, unable to complete everyday tasks and dreading the day ahead, and no one likes to alienate those around them because of their mental state.

I've heard a few people call suicide a selfish act. I understand why they think so: Why would a person purposely put those who love them in so much pain? But I also think completely dismissing suicide, calling it a 'selfish' or 'weak' act, is selfish in its own right.

When someone decides to take their own life, they are in so much pain that they would rather die than deal with it any longer. Read that sentence again. There are people who hurt so much, so deeply that they would rather stop breathing than endure another second of that pain. They aren't doing it to harm those they love and they certainly aren't doing it for attention. Robin Williams had the attention of the entire world, whether he liked it or not.

The other sad reality about depression is that you never know who is afflicted with it. It seems to me that the most troubled individuals are rather skilled at putting on a happy face, hiding their feelings, or diverting attention from themselves. The very tough irony is that those who bring joy to others are often missing that for themselves.

In the midst of this sadness, I can't help but consider my own situation: the restless nights, the temptation to move home, the jarring absence of my desire to do anything, the countless times I've sputtered between sobs and screams, "I need help."

Though I would never consider suicide, I do need help...and that admission doesn't make me weak or selfish. Being open about my struggle is the first step I'm taking toward feeling better.

If you aren't hurting, I urge you to listen to those who are. Call friends and family at random to see how they're doing. Make sure they know you care. If they reach out to you, be there for them, even if you aren't sure what that means. Sometimes, all you can do is sit silently on the opposite end of the phone. Sometimes, that makes all the difference.

If you are hurting, I urge you to seek help, too. Be honest with yourself about how you're feeling and how you want to feel. Don't be afraid to confront your feelings head-on, no matter how upsetting. Reach out to friends and family, a psychiatrist, whoever you feel you need. With the help of others (and maybe some medicine), you have the power to ease your pain. You have the power to beat your depression. In the words of Dr. Sean Maguire, the psychologist brilliantly portrayed by Williams in Good Will Hunting, "Your move, chief."

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