Mortified.

Last night, Wheat and I watched an interesting documentary on Netflix called Mortified. Basically, the film showcased a live show that allows normal people to get on stage and read their teenage or childhood journal to an audience. As expected, some of the stories were hysterical. Others were sad as the authors battled through tough times in their adolescence (ex. getting abused by a parent, struggling with their sexuality). Overall, it was completely relatable and left us feeling good in the knowledge that everyone goes through awkward, unpleasant growing pains.

It also got me thinking about my own teenage journals. I did keep some tangible diaries as a child, but starting in 2004, I started blogging on my LiveJournal site. Encouraged by the bravery of the people on the documentary, I decided to show Wheat some of my very first blog posts.

If you asked me how much I've changed over the course of my life, I would tell you that I've been the same person since the eighth grade. My blog, however, paints a completely different picture. It's incredible how much my writing style, humor, and personality have changed since I was 15. It was fun to spend a little while looking back on my memories and thoughts from a time that feels so long ago.

Yes, it was also embarrassing. But once I got beyond the ridiculousness, it felt nice to introduce Wheat to the teenage version of myself, the lost and struggling girl who eventually blossomed into the woman he loves.

Horrible quality, but circa the age of the post.

LiveJournal provides a convenient archive of all your posts by the date they were published. So, naturally, Wheat went through and read every post that I wrote on his birthday over the years. We got a kick out of the one I posted on his 16th birthday.

You can go to the original post, but this is what it said:

Guys | June 28, 2004

I Want A Guy That:

- Will make me laugh
- Can help me with homework when I don't understand
- Will talk to me about football
- Will put up with my Harry Potter obsession...He doesn't have to like it
- Likes me despite all my strange paranoias and insecurities
- Wants to hear me play the piano
- Is willing to listen when I need to talk
- Is willing to talk to me when they need someone to talk to

Too much to ask? Probably...haha

As Wheat read this post out loud to me, my heart melted. I wish more than anything I could go back and assure that lonely, sad, jealous little girl that the perfect guy was on his way. I'd tell her to hold tight and be patient because when he got there, he'd fit every single one of those requests and so much more.

...you know, aside from the homework help.