Indy Scream Park

Confession: I'm a bit of a nerd when it comes to scary movies and haunted houses. It doesn't take much to make me jump, but it takes a lot to truly scare me. As a result, I've sort of become a snob for all things scary over the years.

In a recent fit of boredom, I decided to search for the best haunted attractions in the country. Much to my surprise, one list had an Indianapolis haunt, Indy Scream Park, as No. 1! Of course, I had to go. So, after a little begging on my part, Wheat agreed to go with me. Luckily (or perhaps unluckily) for us, we decided to go on a freezing Wednesday night, so there weren't many people there and the lines were pretty short. This also seemed to make us a favorite target for the actors on the trails.

For $25, we had access to five different attractions and a monster midway with games, bonfires, and food. We also got our picture taken with my favorite scary guy, Michael Myers.

He was nice enough to pull my hair back as he slit my throat. What a gentleman.

There were three indoor attractions - Brickmore Asylum, Bedlam 3D (my favorite), and Nachtmahr (the scariest). For some reason, Wheat and I kept being chosen as the front of our groups, so we received the brunt of the pop-out attacks. I had never been on a 3D haunted trail and I was pleasantly surprised. The 3D makeup truly made some of the actors look like holograms and the paint made the floor and walls so disorienting. I'm not entirely sure why Nachtmahr was so scary, but it was really dark and people kept popping out of the most unexpected places (including the ceiling).

The outdoor attractions were quite an adventure, thanks to all the mud. Backwoods was a hike through the woods and random sheds with Deliverance-style inbred, hillbilly creeps (which is actually my biggest fear). Infected was a trek through a corn maze, tents, and a house, complete with military members overrun by zombies and a giant flame tower at the end.

Also, can you imagine being one of those poor actors? Not only are they in makeup, freezing, screaming, and growling the same things for hours on end, but they also have to say the most bizarre things to people. Here is a small sampling of things that were said to us:

"Hey, Giggles. I'm going to pull all your teeth out." - A clown to me because apparently I smile while doing these things.

"Care to leave her here for a human sacrifice? We'll give her back when all her blood is gone." - A zombie farmer to Wheat. He agreed. Let's be real - zombies shouldn't talk.

"Don't touch my furs!" *Wheat apologized* "She's the sorry one because she's with you!" - Rude hillbilly to Wheat.

"I'm going to cut your third leg off!" - Butcher to Wheat. Probably my favorite line of the night.

Although I've been to a scarier haunted trail (Lewisburg Cave) before, we had a great time and it was definitely worth the money. It also gave us the perfect excuse to snuggle on the couch, drink marshmallow-loaded hot chocolate, and watch Top Chef when we got home.

How did I get so lucky?