American Horror Not-So Story

This week, one of my favorite shows, American Horror Story, made its highly anticipated return to TV. This season, the show is subtitled Coven and deals with all things witchcraft and black magic. So, fittingly, it is set in New Orleans.

Honestly, I can think of no better place for a scary story than New Orleans. Between the city's history, the old buildings and street lamps, the vampire appeal thanks to Anne Rice and True Blood, and the vibe in the French Quarter, there is an almost tangible spooky feel to the city that I absolutely love.

Marie Laveau is also in American Horror Story.

I went to New Orleans with my best friends for spring break my senior year of college and we had the time of our lives. In addition to visiting a cemetery, spending late nights on Bourbon Street, and eating beignets at Cafe Du Monde, we also took a haunted tour of the city.

It sounds morbid, but you must visit a cemetery in New Orleans.

Here is where things get weird.

If you watched this week's episode of AHS, you heard the story of Delphine LaLaurie (played by Kathy Bates), the 19th century New Orleans socialite who secretly tortured slaves in her mansion. Most people probably think this character was something crafted from the twisted mind of producer Ryan Murphy. Guys, she was totally real.

On our haunted tour of the city, we stopped at the LaLaurie Mansion, which is now closed to visitors. It used to be owned by Nicolas Cage, but after going bankrupt, he was forced to sell it. Now, the building is owned by an anonymous Texan and just sits unoccupied on the corner, a reminder of the horrific things that went on inside.

Sorry my pictures aren't great.

If you didn't watch AHS and aren't squeamish, here's a short recap: Mr. LaLaurie (a doctor) and his wife were well-liked in high social circles because of their lavish parties. However, in 1834, a kitchen slave started a fire (in a suicide attempt) during one of the couple's infamous parties. When firemen came to put out the fire, they heard agonizing moans coming from the third floor. After breaking through the locked door, they found dead slaves chained to the walls and other slaves, barely alive, deformed by horrendous medical experiments. One slave had his intestines pulled out and tied around his wrists, while another had her mouth filled with human feces then sewn shut. Another slave, who was called the 'human crab,' had her bones broken and reset at odd angles, so that she resembled a crab when she walked. When the news spread, an outraged lynching mob gathered at the mansion, but they were too late. The LaLauries had already fled the city and were never held accountable for their crimes.

Decoration on the door to the mansion.

Seriously. The actual truth behind the story is even more horrific than what AHS decided to portray.

As I stood outside of the mansion in the dark, listening to the tour guide recount the disgusting things the firemen found inside, I felt chills up and down my spine. Then, in the middle of the story, one of my best friends actually passed out. I'm not kidding - he lost consciousness and hit his head on the ground.

Dramatic recreation the next day. No time for pictures during the actual event.

Luckily, with the exception of a decent sized cut on his forehead, he was okay. But, we spent the rest of the trip blaming the house (and the spirits inside) for the mishap.