That time Regis Philbin hit on my mom.

The strangest thing ever happened last Wednesday.

As a child, I grew up on my parents' music, movies, and television. I listened to Elton John, Elvis Presley, and Simon and Garfunkel. I memorized A Chorus Line, Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory, and The Sound of Music. I spent my afternoons with Oprah, my evenings with Alex Trebek, and my mornings with Regis Philbin.

So, when Regis announced that he would be retiring this year, I was pretty shocked. My mom, on the other hand, was borderline devastated. True to form, we both cried throughout his final episode of Live! with Regis and Kelly. Then, we learned that Joseph-Beth Booksellers was hosting Regis for a book signing downtown. It didn't take more than 10 seconds for my mom to pick up the phone, pre-order his autobiography, and reserve our spot in line.

Finally, the day arrived. Mom was amped like her team made it to the Super Bowl and I conferenced with her on the list of potential one-liners she could deliver to Regis. Although we showed up at the bookstore over an hour early, we were greeted by hundreds of other die-hards and a number of local TV news vans.

As you would expect, nearly the entire line was composed of middle-aged women. Some were wearing homemade Regis-themed shirts, others were wearing Regis & Kelly shirts purchased from the official store. There were also a few men in line, some clearly suffering through the ordeal with their wives and others wearing Notre Dame paraphernalia.

At 7:00 sharp, Regis appeared at the top of the stairs with a microphone in hand. The crowd broke into raucous applause and began to chant, "REGIS! REGIS!" As I started to wonder if this was actually a stop on his presidential campaign, Regis launched into a story in the way only he can. He told us that Cincinnati has always held a special place in his heart. He used to make appearances on the Cincinnati news with his good friend, Nick Clooney. He mentioned some of his favorite places downtown and said that he remembered "little Georgie" running around.

He also told us an entertaining story about a drunken escapade he shared with George Clooney a few years ago in Italy. When he finished, he thanked everyone for coming out and sat down to sign the books. The line of excited fans slowly began to snake its way through the rows of books and up the stairs.

Over the years, my mom has been to an embarrassing amount of autograph signings with me. I remember her trying to talk me out of a nervous breakdown in the line for Brian Urlacher. I remember her assuring me, through my string of whispered cusswords, that I would get a ticket for Rick Nash. So, when the tables were turned, I knew I had to return the favor. I moved into passout-prevention mode.

As we made our way up the stairs, I snapped a couple pictures of the man himself.



Posed pictures, personalized messages, and extended conversation were strictly prohibited. So, my mom decided to go with, "HI, REGIS! THANKS FOR BEING HERE!" Finally, it was our turn. I pointed my camera at them and snapped this picture.



She exclaimed her pre-determined lines with the fervor of a child meeting Santa Clause at the mall. Then, he looked up at her and said the single strangest, yet hilarious thing I could ever imagine.

Regis Philbin looked right at my mom and said, "You look good...in that coat."

I emphasize the word 'good' because he did. Simultaneously, my mom started to laugh like a nervous schoolgirl, my jaw hit the floor, and a security guard escorted us away.

It took me a second to process what just happened. Regis Philbin, the harmless, endearing old man I grew up with on my TV screen, had just looked at my mom and told her she was hot. My mom, with her big smile and her leather biker jacket, had just been hit on by Regis Francis Xavier Philbin.

There was an unreal vibe in the car on the way home. You should have seen the look on her face as she told my dad. I wondered what Joy Philbin would think. I started to imagine how I would have reacted if Jordan Staal had told me I looked good in my glasses. You have to admit - I do have one hot momma.



I skimmed through his autobiography and saw cute, cheesy anecdotes galore. I contemplated writing my own autobiography.

This would definitely make an interesting chapter.